I give up!!!!! ( On DH )
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| Mon, 01-16-2006 - 11:51am |
My husband complains about how he desperately wants to get out of debt... but he does NOTHING to help and EVERYTHING to hinder!
I found a money managing program on our computer, and we have both enjoyed plugging in the numbers. It is nice to see charts and graphs for the month or year ahead!! And he AGREED to the budget I created. However, STICKING TO THE BUDGET is not happening. I budgeted $160/month in leisure/spending money. That is for BOTH OF US to spend. Well, just this weekend alone, he withdrew $200 from the bank!!!!!! TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS!?!?!!!!!!??!!
And thinks that if he can account for the money, that makes it okay! "Well, we spent $x on dinner Friday, and then I played in a poker tournament Saturday...so that was another $x....." I don't care WHERE it went, I care THAT it went!!!!
I give up! I completely and utterly GIVE UP! I am going to keep my mouth shut and let him blow whatever money he wants. I will do my best to keep the money going in the right direction without his help.
Shoot, he even said something last night about buying a motorcycle this summer - to the tune of $10,000!!!! WHAT?!?!?!?!!! Where on earth does he think we are going to come up with that kind of money? And his credit is AWFUL, so we would never qualify for a loan, and he knows that.......
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Thanks for listening! hee hee)
~Aravis~
SAH/Homeschooling Mom


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This might make me seem like a terribly mean wife- but there is NO WAY I would ever accept the fact that $76 dumped on an arcade game is "affordable". My DH would have probably slept in the car if he'd done something like that- and I have a really high tolerance for "mistakes". Under no circumstances was that a necessary purchase. Even if we could afford that every day of the week, my DH would never, ever spend his/mine or our money like that. Especially if he were thinking about quitting a job or school. That is $76 you have nothing to show for and $76 less that you have towards your $850 cc payment, the way I see it.
I wish I had more advice to offer on how to curb that kind of spending. I really hope someone here can give you some tips. He really needs to get his priorities in line and start helping you move towards your goal of paying off your cc debt.
UPDATE:
Things are a ton better!
Let me say that you have all been so incredibly supportive and helpful in your kind words and suggestions!!!!!
DH took me out for McDonald's (hee hee) this afternoon and we talked. He said he has gotten himself into a rut (not quite a mid-life crisis, but probably similar?) and didn't know how to get out of it.
He realizes that he is happy with his job, happy with college, and does NOT need to spend anywhere near the amount of money he has been!
Thank goodness!!! I didn't know what had gotten into him!!! :-)
Oh, and he isn't a compulsive gambler or anything... When he plays poker he takes a set amount with him. With friends it is usually $20 (and 90% of the time, he brings home MORE than that), a tournament can cost between $35 and $50, and the occasional time he plays elsewhere it is about $50. It just happened so MUCH these past few weeks!
He said we are doing fine, and he isn't overly worried about the debt. We are going to try to work TOGETHER to get things in order. YEAH!
OH OH OH, I cannot thank you all enough! I had no one else to vent to, as DH is my best friend and the love of my life - I only go to him about things that upset me. And he just wasn't "there" to talk with lately! It is so amazingly wonderful to have you ladies here to listen, advise, and comfort!!!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
(I'll keep you posted on the status of things.... ha ha)
~Aravis~
Ugh, another rough weekend. Didn't "blow" as much money as he has been lately...but still we are having difficulty communicating.
I checked out Debt-Proof Your Marriage from the library, and he actually asked me to read it aloud to him!!! :-) So, we are going to be reading it together and hopefully over time we will come to a common ground with everything.
I think we can still pay off the credit cards by the end of the year, but it might be rough.
~Aravis~
Thank you so much for starting this conversation, I just purchased Debt Proof your Marriage on Amazon ($1.95 used) and looking forward to getting it.
I wanted to post about my fiance, we live together because we can't afford to get married with the debt we accumulated in the past 4 years. We're making progress, but as soon as things are going well he asks me to buy him something we don't need and can't afford to pay cash for. This weekend he set out to put new shocks on his truck, but ran into a problem that they need to be torched off. He asked me to buy $300 torch that I know he'll maybe use 1 other time. I told him just spend $100-200 and take it to a mechanic, becuase the aggrevation he'll go through would not be worth it and we can't afford the torch. He got upset and nasty about me saying we don't need to spend the money. Thing is he's making a lot of money right now and tells himself he "deserves" it. Well, I deserve to get my finances straightened out and be out of debt first. Everything is in my name, but most of it was purchases to help him in his business and really poor choices for which all I have to show is a lot of debt and high interest rates. I'm sick of his entitlement mentality. He doesn't see the finances and I made him do the bills with me last time he had a good 2 weeks and got a decent pay, but he still accused me of mismanaging the finances when I said there were bills to be paid again 2 weeks later. I pay 1/2 the 1st of the manth and 1/2 the 15th because that is when I get paid. I showed him that the money that he gave me all went to bills and to play "catch up" on the water, electric, phone bills, because they can float a little bit and are never completely paid up. He's self employed and some weeks are good (>$500) others are real good (>$1K) other weeks it is under $200. Realistically we need $500 a week from his income consistently, I make about that if I don't work OT, and my paycheck go to pay rent $700(1st) and loan repayment to my mom $600(15th), so that leave $300-$400 a pay period for everything else: $600 a month of major CCs,$100 store CCs, $150 electric, $100 phone/cell phone(his business phone),$45 water if I pay it. So you can see my check is gone before we pay all the bills, so I depend on his income to make up the difference for food and gas and prescriptions. That is another big expense because he doesn't have insurance we pay $150 a month for his pills, my pills are about $30 a month.
I just wish I could make him "get it", I'm always worried about our money and never treat myself to anything nice. I started a vacation fund and told him in addition to the money he gives me to the bills I'm expecting him to contribute $100 a month for the next 9 months. I will also allocate the same from my check and hopefully we'll go on a nice vacation for the first time in 4+ years for 2-3 weeks.
Proud sister of a Marine:
Hey! Sounds like we are in similar situations!! I haven't gotten very far in Debt-Proof Your Marriage, but I am really hopeful that it will give me at least a few pointers!
Will any of your debts be paid off any time soon? (Mom's loan, CCs, etc?) And how does your fiance pay for things when you don't have the cash? Credit cards? Maybe you should cut up your credit cards! Or at least as many as you can, to start with.
DH and I agreed that he needs to give me his bank card on the weeks when he doesn't drive to work (he carpools). He drives 1 week out of every 3, so that week he drives, he can have the card to fill up on gas. Hopefully that will save a few trips to McDonald's off our budget. :)
I hope you can find some things that work for you!!!!! :)
~Aravis~
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