What would you do? Gifts, etc. OT

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
What would you do? Gifts, etc. OT
8
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 12:53pm
Hi, everyone. Danni, and everyone, I need your advice on this. As most of you know, DH & I grew up in small towns where church functions,family get-togethers, work potlucks, casseroles for shut-ins and sick folks, and flowers/gift baskets for funerals are the norm. Guess this is not the case in large cities. Maybe it's the sign of the times: Internet, faced-paced busy two-worker lives, people scattered everywhere, etc. The problem? DH says I should not send cards, buy gifts for people who dont reciprocate, etc. Let me remind you all that his company is being sold, so there may not be a celebratory connection. I disagree on this. Some of my friends are going thru tough times: divorce, layoff, job changes, illness, financial challenges, etc. I say a gift is from the heart, and doesnt have to be expensive. Example 1: Fido treats and restaurant gift card to dear friend who's been sick, etc. Was appreciative, thrilled, etc. Example 2: Gift cards to whom I thought was close friend. NO response. Tracked online. Confirmed delivery with company. DH says cross this person off. Sooo---Is this a "guy" thing? They dont believe in gifts, cards, etc? Is this only a small town phenomenon and thing of the past? What do you all do about gifts to friends? Meet for lunch? I mean, do you all still do Valentines gifts, potlucks at work, flowers for funerals, etc.? Whiz.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 2:57pm
I live in a medium sized city (I think). When my grandfather passed away, my coworkers sent a card. And when a girl in my class at university got married, we all signed a card. We send flowers or donations to funerals.
I think it's less common, but still appreciated. Everyone is very busy nowadays, and it can really make someone's day to show them you were thinking of them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 3:31pm
Hi, MM--Thanks for your input on this. Call me old-fashioned or whatever, but that is what my family (and DH's) still do--flowers, gifts, cards, etc. It's nice that people, even in medium-size towns, still do traditional things. Whiz.
Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 7:14pm

Well...we certainly don't do Valentine's day gifts (my mom sends the kids cards but that's about it).


Funerals & Weddings are ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Thu, 01-19-2006 - 10:57pm

I live in Fort Wayne, Indiana, a relatively large city. We still do potlucks for work here. DH works at a factory, so they don't do potlucks (just doesn't work out), but maybe once a month he will take donuts in for his group, just for the heck of it. They all chip in and buy the group leader a bottle of wine for Christmas, and things like that.

Flowers for funerals are still the norm, although if there were young children left after a death, we tend to give cash if we have it to give.

I definitely say keep it close, though. If someone you consider a good friend doesn't even call to say thank you for a gift card you sent, that is strange. You might want to evaluate that friendship on more than just a $$$-level!!

I think it is great that you know how to be kind and giving, while doing is inexpensively! :-) That is the trick, sometimes! ha ha (My father co-signed a car loan for us a year ago, and although really all he did was sign a piece of paper.... we got him and my mother a $50 gift card to a NICE NICE restaurant in the city. You just DO things like that!)

~Aravis~

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2005
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 12:38am

I think it comes to who you want to be, not what you think is expected or the "norm".

And yeah, it's a guy thing!

:0)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 12:48am
Hi, TB, Aravis, and all. Thank you for reassurance. Indeed, it seems to be a "guy" thing of not getting into gifts, cards (for others, etc). When I asked DH what he wanted for his BD, he said someone to fix the garage door! I'm sticking with gift card idea, so he can get new shoes for work. I am relieved to see that sending cards, e-mails, etc. is not out of flavor in other parts of the world. :) WHiz.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 10:36am

For friends, I buy small items....floral arrangements (nothing big or expensive) at the grocery store florist to lift their spirits, or just a card to offer encouragement. If it's a big deal, such as a marriage problem or worry over ailing elderly parents, etc, and I know they will want to talk and need a sounding board for their worries, I will offer to take them to lunch, so we can sit and talk freely. I don't expect to have the gift returned in any way, though, so I'm with you on that.

My husband, though, is like yours. I posted before Christmas about how I used to bake cookies for all of Dh's co-workers. I'd package them in little decorated baskets or cello bags tied with ribbons, and everyone loved them. Even the employees who had never met me called me the "Cookie Lady" throughout the year. BUT...this year, Dh said that because very few people thought to say "Thanks" when they received their cookies, and most co-workers never gave gifts in return, I should avoid baking cookies for any of them! I was stunned. I just kept saying, "But...it's CHRISTMAS!" I did end up baking the cookies anyway, just a little later than I usually did, and even though we still didn't get more than one or two "Thank Yous", I still felt good for doing it.

As long as it doesn't cut into your household budget too much, I'd continue to do what you've always done. Gifts from the heart are always appreciated. :-D

Pat :-D

Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 8:47pm

DH and I both grew up in larger cities - so maybe that's why we're the way we are, but we do not buy gifts for birthdays for friends - and definitely not "Hallmark" holidays like Valentine's day, etc.

All my best,
Danni