I had no clue until last night that I
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| Sun, 01-22-2006 - 9:17am |
was so controlling of my family's money. We went to church last night (our church has services on Saturday night for convience sake) and stopped at the market on the way home. DH went in while I waited in the car with the kids. When he came out, he had spent $5 more than I told him he could. $5, a measly $5 and I went ballastic. How dare he spend that money without asking me? We got into a huge argument on the way home and it ended with DD telling DH to set up his own savings account so he could have his "own" money.
While I was fixing dinner, I realized that I wanted TOTAL control of the money. I didn't want him to have any say, as a matter of fact, I liked the fact that he has to ask me before he even gets $20 out of the ATM.
Well, anyway, I had a long talk (or as long a talk as you can have with 3 kids under 6 around) and we decided that, after I pay bills, he will sit down and look at quicken and do the long range projections for our money. He will also check quicken once a week to see how much we have in checking and he will call if he needs money for any thing if it is close to payday. Our problem is he has no clue as to how often I go to the grocery store or to places like Wal-Mart. I will go and tell him and let him know every day how much we have in checking, but it goes in one ear and straight out the other without registering.
I am determined I will not take money out of savings to make it until payday and I told him that. After all, it isn't savings if I am raiding it to make it until payday, because we just had to go out to eat.
Hopefully this plan will work and I can give up a bit of control. It may be hard at first, but it is necessary. Maybe this way, he can help curb our spending habits, which will give him some control and we will be responsible if not 50-50 then 75-25 or even 60-40 and that will make DH happy.
Thanks for listening.
Kellie

Kellie,
I feel the same way sometimes. I give my husband $50 a week for lunches. Brownbagging is just something he won't do. So I give him the $50, and he can budget that $10 per day anyway he wishes. BUT...there are those times when I send him off on a business trip with his $50, and midway through the week, I'll check the accounts online and see he has taken out another $100!! I'm floored! When he travels, his company pays for everything--his meals with a Business Credit Card (paid for by the company, not us), and I send him with enough cigarettes and anything else he might need. But it's always something like, "Well, I had a few drinks with the guys at the hotel bar, and the company won't reimburse that" or I treated the guys to a nice lunch, and they didn't take credit cards, so I had to pay with cash." or "I stopped at a computer game store so I wouldn't be bored in the hotel room". It drives me nuts when he does it, and as soon as I notice that he's taken the money out, I call him. It doens't matter if I interrupt a meeting or anything...I still call and demand to know why he took out money after I gave him $50 already for leisure spending on his trip.
I wish I had total control too. I know I've been very bad in the past with money and accumulating debt, but I am so on top of things at this moment that not a penny gets spent that I don't know about. LOL! I know where our money is right now, and I know where it's going for the next three months. I have it all written out on paper already.
Still, it's my Dh who earns the money, so he has to have some say in how it's spent. I do notice that he tells co-workers (when they remind him of something regarding higher bills coming up for heating or about the raised credit card minimums, etc) that he'll say, "Oh, Pat handles all of that. She knows about it already, I'm sure". So I know he trusts me with the money again now.
It's great that you and your Dh will be working together to share the control of the finances. Teamwork is always a good thing. :-D
Pat :-D
You sound just like me!! I know it's not a good thing and it is a very hard thing to change. I feel like I HAVE to be in control of money. DH gets $20-$40 a week depending on what we have left. I need to learn to give up a little control on that. He does work hard too!! I do all the finances and he doesn't want any control on that fortunately! It's just the day to day things.
Donna