Feeling sorry for myself
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| Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:46pm |
Hi all.
Lately I seem to be on an emotional roller coaster. Today is a down day. It seems to happen whenever I really think about my circumstances.
This whole debt thing is really affecting my relationship with my mother. Since my marriage broke up and given my financial circumstances, I was forced to move back home with my mother. Given my situation, apparently she doesn't think I'm capable of doing anything. She was never really in favor of me getting married and now she's been proven right. It's like she doesn't trust me to make any decisions. She is always asking me if I've paid this bill or that bill. I'm always having to tell her where I'm going and what time I'll be home. I've tried to sit down and reason with her but all I get is the old "my house, my rules" argument. I'm thinking part of the problem is our vast age difference. I was a late baby and Mom is 40 years older than me. She is 63 years old and retired after working for the same company for 40 years. She doesn't seem to understand that things are different today. I think we had a better relationship whe I was a teenager. I'm embarassed to say this but I am the only 23-year-old I know with an 11 o'clock curfew.
There are times I'm okay and think "I'll get through this". Then, something will trigger a pity party. Just a few minutes ago a bill collector called me here at work. I know it's my own fault but it's all so embarassing.
I'm sorry for the rant. Thank you for letting me vent.
Ashley

Wow... I thought my mother was strict - when I was home during the summers between my 1st and 2nd year, and 2nd and 3rd years of university, I still had curfews. I was 18 and 19 years old. I thought THAT was ridiculous. And then, once I was living on my own, my parents got divorced and my mother moved in with me, my (now ex) bf, and a roommate. She still tried to slip in little rules here and there, and tell me what to do and how to do it. Ugh!
Your debt issues aside, you need to have a talk with your mom. Prepare yourself beforehand, and show her how you've been working on your debts. Show her the progress you've made, and your plan for the future (at least a basic plan, it doesn't have to be spelled out month by month for the next 10 years). Next, tell her that you are very grateful for her letting you stay with her, but you ARE an adult. Let her know that having a curfew and rules makes you feel as if she doesn't trust you.
Try not to feel so down about your debt situation. When I was 23 the future looked very bleak indeed. While a good chunk of my debt was due to student loans, another good chunk of it was my own stupid fault. I never thought it could get better. I'm 27 now and have a realistic plan in place to be debt-free not long after my 30th birthday. Seems a long way off, but it's better than having no plan at all and feeling hopeless. It really does get better, as long as you stop the debt cycle.
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{{{{Ashley}}}} I'm sorry to hear things are so difficult for you right now. I hope they get much better very soon.
Peg
Thanks guys--for both the support and the suggestions. I will try to follow up on them. It also helps to hear that others are being successful in getting out of their messes.
Ashley
Ashley - UGH!
All my best,
Danni
Thanks, Danni for the words of encouragment.
My biggest problem right now is my lack of credibility with my mother. In light of all my mistakes she really feels that she knows what's best for me. I'm going to try to sit down again and have a talk with her on Sunday after I get home from work. I've tried in the past but I'm going to try again. I guess I'll have to re-earn her respect.
I'm really looking forward to tomorrow. I volunteer all day every Saturday at a local hospital. I do filing in an office, make occasional deliveries of flowers and such to patients rooms, run errands. etc. I've done it for the past 9 years--since I was 14. Lately with all my troubles it's been a real oasis in my life. Even with my hectic work schedule, with two jobs, I've been able to keep volunteering. I really don't want to give it up if I don't have to.
In addition to my day job at the office, I've also been working at the mall, usually two or three weeknights as well as Saturday night and Sunday afternoons. It can get crazy at times but I want to get my bills paid down as soon as I can. It's going to take a long time.
Thanks again for listening. Just reading a lot of the posts on this board has given me hope. I'm always open to any suggestions or advice. Everyone has been so nice.
Ashley