What is my problem?
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| Thu, 02-02-2006 - 5:16pm |
Hi there,
this might sound silly - or mayhaps it doesn't. I have simply no idea where my money went. No, wrong. I have a pretty good idea, and I am able to read a bank statement, and add up all the figures, and know d*** well how much money I owe and to whom and all that. But.
A huge but: But I usually don't care anymore. I am scraping by, managing to be on time for my student loan repayments, know that it either forgo ALL nice things in my life, or spend 50$ more each mobnth that I can possibly make - and I seem to have decided that I don't care aboutgetting deeper and deeper into that hole.
So: What is my problem?
It has stopped to be embarrasing. Sure, I prefer not to talk money issues with anyone, not even my husband. I am 32 now and for the last 15 years I have been owing money to the bank, to my family, to various sources. At least now it is only the bank... But it definitely has lost it's terrifying aspects.
And that is what really frightens me.
I try to stick to rules: Take out 50$ from the ATM every tuesday (my first day ofthe week since I work parttime), and that's all there is for this week. Food, newspapers, caffe latte, whatever. 50$, and that's it. It works. The trouble is: It still is too much.
I know all those wonderful internetsites trying to tell me how to feed a family of four on 200$ a month (nice ideas there if you have neither microwave nor freezer...). I know how to save bucket loads of money on power, transport, heating, and every year's end we get a refund from our el company. I stopped getting books from the library 'cause I constantly forgot to bring them back and thus had to pay overdue fees. We did all the small and big things we know about to save money, to stick to a budget (I am notoriously bad at adhering to rules...), trimmed the fat, as people say - and it isn't enough. It just isn't enough.
I have read often enough that as time passes people just get used to all kind of embarrasments, and begin to give up. That's what I am really afraid of.
I guess I really could use a second job... :-(
Greetings, Jordis

Megan
I know the feeling!!!
I get it quite often (in my case it's the "things are never going to change so why even bother, doesn't matter what we do"), however, then I usually have something that will kick it up or I do something that makes me feel like I have some control over things (even if it's just small - count my change jar or something).
Hang in there!!!!
Becky mom to
Carolyn (6th), Aaron (3rd), Kyle (Kindie), Luke (2)
CL to
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis