Suicidal Feelings

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Suicidal Feelings
16
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 7:55am
One day last week, I kept thinking that suicide was my only way out. All day, I could not get it out of my mind. I went home and slept and the next day felt better but it's on my mind again today. Now, do not be alarmed. I would never do this while my mother is alive. She has already lost one daughter due to illness. I just don't find life worth living. I have some change in my purse and that's all. I am .22 cents away from going over my overdraft limit in my bank account. I keep trying to sell things on ebay, but I'm making next to nothing. I never understood why people killed themselves over financial hardship but I do now. Sometimes I feel there is just no way out. How am I supposed to eat today and the rest of the week? I have borrowed thousands of dollars from my mother and she told me not to pay her back but I can't keep taking advantage of her like that. I owe $40,000 and that does not include my lease payments on my car or my mortgage. I have maxed out my credit cards - I have no source of money. Life always seems to be a struggle. I can't remember the last time I had any fun. And yes, I have been to countless therapists and tried a zillion different kinds of medication. I have some now for anxiety but I don't know what to do.

Travi

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 9:03am

I am so sorry you are feeling this way and am glad you have that connection with your mother to keep you strong. Are you working now? In terms of the next couple of days, could you do the plasma donation thing? I used to do that in college and it was a little money fast. Huge hugs. If you wanted to post a budget, I know it's helped me to have people look over that and either point out items that could be cut or say wow you're doing a great job with what you have. Either way, it was a nice morale booster.

Taleyna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 10:36am

Suicide is just not the answer. The loss of You would touch so many lives...it's just not worth it. Debt is not worth dying over. It really isn't.

Are you working right now? Do you have any income coming in? Can you take out a 2nd mortgage on your home or refinance, taking cash out? Is selling your home a possibility? Maybe you could move back in with your Mom for a couple of years and then venture back out into an apartment and then, if you want, into a home again. It sounds like your Mom is a very supportive and loving lady, and I would bet she'd do anything to help you out. For meals this week, are you close enough to drop by your Mom's house for a couple of meals each day? Maybe breakfast and dinner? You could enjoy each other's company, and be assured of having food to keep your strength up.

As a group, we can all brainstorm some ideas that might help.

Just for today, find something to do that costs nothing and gives you joy. Watch a funny movie, take a walk through a park, if it's warm enough where you are, maybe sit by a lake and watch the birds/ducks/etc. Just focus on all the good in life. Debt is not all there is. Love, Laughter, etc. Think about all of them and let them lift your spirits.

Hugs,
Pat

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 10:58am

Hi.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Life can get really hard.

Do you live in a city? Many cities have food banks. It's not fun to go to them, but my mom went when we were kids. The people there are nice.

You don't mention your job, but in your profile it says you are a teacher. Maybe you can do some babysitting/tutoring/get a retail job on the side, just for an extra bit of cash? (I've been writing worksheets on the side for a worksheet website. It's a tiny bit of cash, but this month, it made the difference between us paying rent and not paying rent).

I hope you feel better soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 11:40am

My heart goes out to you!


I wanted to share some information with you that might be helpful.

                            

Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 2:11pm

Everyone has already said everything I was going to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 4:26pm

OMG, sweetie there isn't any amount of money worth your life. If you aren't getting the help you need (from Dr's I mean) please keep looking. Is it only the finances that have you this depressed? Again, nothing worth your life. Just one thing at a time, one day at a time. I know how badly you feel and how much you feel like you've disappointed yourself and maybe others but really it IS NOT worth it. My father tried suicide because of bad bad business debts a few years ago. He is ok now but was hospitialized for about a week. He wasn't sleeping, eating, and therefore not thinking clearly about his situation, which I think is what led to the suicidal tendencies. Please get some rest if you need it, you may think more clearly and please don't do anything to harm yourself over bill collectors and late payments or overdrawn bank accts. It will get better--I promise. You aren't the first person to be in a financial mess and you won't be the last. It happens to all of us. Prayers and positive thoughts.

Oh, as for a p/t job could you swing late evenings/early nights doing cleaning? It won't pay a ton, but it'll give you a little income and a fairly flexible schedule (after a business is closed).
Jennifer




Edited 2/19/2006 4:32 pm ET by sweetjumps
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 7:03pm

Suicide is so not the answer. Death is a permanent reaction to a temporary problem. Yes I have been there (over other issues)

Please call around and see if there is anyone that can help you out. If medication is what you need, keep hunting. Some medications are better than others.

Also, call around and see what you can get for help. Our church has a pantry, does financial assistance, there are energy assistance programs, food banks, soup kitchens, etc.

This might not help right now but it may help in the future. http://www.angelfoodministries.com/menu.php It does not go by income or religious affliliation and it isn't just for people hurting for money. Alot of people in my church do it and there is no shame or gossip about it!

Please feel free to post your budget. The ladies here are so kind and helpful and they are very creative and thoughtful too! :) Sometimes after you've looked at something a million times it helps to get some fresh perspective by having someone else to look at it! You would be amazed... Also feel free to post areas that maybe you need suggestions on too.

We've been there. We ate at my mom and dad's for dinner probably 3-4 times a week because we had no groceries for dinner. Alot of people have been there... Know that you are not alone!

Stephanie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 10:25pm
Hi, TV from Canada. Everyone gave great support already. You are brave to admit that there is a problem with your depression and anxiety. That takes courage. You say you've tried docs and pills with limited success. What about other neutroceutical remedies? By that, I mean calcium and magnesium supplements,herbal teas, soothing lotions, short walks in sunlight (exercise), etc? For me, it was getting the weight off. Also--try shortterm solutions to boost your morale. l) Cut back on some things---cable, electric, lunches out, etc. 2) Open a small savings account. If you can get one where it is deducted from something, you wont miss it as much. 3)No food in the house? I'll bet there is something. Even when I had no savings, huge debts, no 401K, laid off, IRS, etc., I still had some soup around. I guess I learned it from my DM, who would buy stuff on sale (toilet paper, etc.) and have enough for the entire army for a year. I quickly learned to have water, soup, canned goods, etc. for an emergency. Hang in there. It will get better. Keep coming back, we're here with hugs and cheering you on. Whiz.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 2:35pm

I'm going to give you the best advice you ever got...... ready?

Open up your phone book to attorneys...find the BANKRUPTCY listing and pick up the phone. WHY are you considering killing yourself over money? Make appointments with a few attorneys and take the rights that are provided to you by the courts of this country! Consultations are free and you don't have to pay a dime.

I can bet you that over the years you have already paid back every creditor that you owed 4 times by now. YOU are not the sum of your debts! You have the right to ask and TAKE protection from these bills. There is no reason to exist in such a precarious state of health when you have the answer right in front of you.

You will not be burned at the stake. You will not go straight to hades. You will NOT ruin your credit rating for life. Those are all myths. You will, however, find someone who is willing to help you get your life back in order and help you get your life back so you can focus on getting the help you need to LIVE again. I was alot like you. Desperate and sick and living just a crappy existence. Then I took a right that is afforded to me by the laws of this country and saved myself.

Please look into this before you decide against it. Like I said, consultations are free. There is NO judgement from these attorneys. They are there to help you. Money isn't something to feel so deperate over. Certainly not worth more than YOU.

Please seek help, both mentally and financially.
sweetpea1233

sweetpea
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 8:36pm

I know you are in a really tough spot and the burden feels so heavy, but do whatever it takes to move away from the feelings of suicide. As another poster wrote, it is a permanent solution to a temporary albeit seemingly neverending problem...your life is the most powerful and valuable form of currency you can ever hold.

Please contact a government or non-profit debt counselling service to have them look over your budget and debts and to provide you with ALL the financial options you have.
If it means that the worst case is that you are better off to file bankruptcy then so be it...but you also have the support of all the wonderful people on this board and we are willing to help you evaluate where you stand and perhaps suggest things that you may not have already thought of or considered.

Stress is a silent killer, it causes people who are otherwise rational to contemplate irrational things...I'm so glad you shared with us how you are feeling, and know that we are genuinely concerned about you. When you feel like this, often you think like there is nothing you can do, but you just need to reach out and take small but decisive steps in order to begin to see your way out of all this.

Please let us know how you are doing and if you've decided on what course of action to take regarding your situation.

Kassandra

Kassandra

"It is said that life has its peaks and valleys.  The challenge is to accept them equally and experience them

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