Suicidal Feelings

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Suicidal Feelings
16
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 7:55am
One day last week, I kept thinking that suicide was my only way out. All day, I could not get it out of my mind. I went home and slept and the next day felt better but it's on my mind again today. Now, do not be alarmed. I would never do this while my mother is alive. She has already lost one daughter due to illness. I just don't find life worth living. I have some change in my purse and that's all. I am .22 cents away from going over my overdraft limit in my bank account. I keep trying to sell things on ebay, but I'm making next to nothing. I never understood why people killed themselves over financial hardship but I do now. Sometimes I feel there is just no way out. How am I supposed to eat today and the rest of the week? I have borrowed thousands of dollars from my mother and she told me not to pay her back but I can't keep taking advantage of her like that. I owe $40,000 and that does not include my lease payments on my car or my mortgage. I have maxed out my credit cards - I have no source of money. Life always seems to be a struggle. I can't remember the last time I had any fun. And yes, I have been to countless therapists and tried a zillion different kinds of medication. I have some now for anxiety but I don't know what to do.

Travi

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 1:37pm

Just checking in to see how you are doing over there. Your problems are substantial but you are not your bills.

Sweetpea suggested you speak with a lawyer for a free referral to discuss options to protect yourself. Put yourself first! You deserve only the best and there are legal means available to take care of the financial stuff. sweetpea1233 gave EXCELLENT advice about calling for a free appointment with a bankruptcy attorney. It is situations just like yours that bankruptcy exists.

Let us know how you are doing ok.

Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 8:55pm
I would just like to say thank you to all of you nice people who took the time to write. I will check out the links you provided. Does bankruptcy in Canada (Ontario)mean that you lose your house? I know I should sell my house = I have just had it for 2 years and it's much nicer an apartment. I would feel like such a loser if I had to go back to an apartment and I don't think my cats would like it either. I did break down and asked my mom for money until payday. My problem is sort of compounded; I am recovering from eating disorders and I can't have food in the house or I won't stop eating. I compulsively overeat so I buy all of my meals out which is probably where my troubles started. It is very demoralizing. You are all very nice for responding as you did. I couldn't post what I spent money on or you guys would think I was an idiot. I think I will have to sell my house before the interest rates go any higher. It will be very hard for me emotionally but I still think I should. Thanks again and I will post again.

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 3:10pm

I am glad you asked your mom for help. I know my mom would feel awful if I wasn't eating and didn't ask her for help.

Also, I don't think anyone here would think badly of you for how you spend your money, we are all human. If what you are spending your money on is because of your eating disorder, well, an eating disorder is a very real, scary (to me, at least), thing.

You may need to sell your house. Or maybe you can take in a renter? Sometimes you can rent out a room in your house to a student. Especially if you're in Toronto.

Hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-1999
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 7:49pm
I'm not going to comment on the suicide. I've read the other posts and there is nothing I could offer that has not already been well said. Sometimes relief is only a part time job away. I do surveys and often suggest them as way to pick up a few bucks. It sounds like maybe you need something more dramatic right now. One DD need cash fast because her primary job just wasn't bringing in enough money. She was surprised to learn that Bed Bath & Beyond started @ $9.00 an hour. Since she had worked retail part-time for a while in high school and college she felt it was something she could do. The company was really good about working around her teaching schedule. I think she worked between 12 and 20 hours a week and it was enough to take the pressure off financially. As another poster mentioned, if you can tutor you can make some pretty good money. I think that in addition to the cash, there is the sense of control that comes when you are able to impact you circumstances. Don't dismiss babysteps. They figure in many success stories here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 4:23pm

I think you need to look at what is important to you and start cutting out those things and expenses from those things you don't value.

Avatar for cherfer
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 11:04am
Are you working? If you were, it would help you pay the bills as well as maybe helping you to find some meaning in your life. I hope you are doing okay, you should not be thinking about suicide because of this, regardless of whether your mother is still here or not.

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