Don't know what to do...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Don't know what to do...
3
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 9:33am
Well, we had big plans to move back to ohio this summer into my dad's house so that we could take care of him as he gets older (he is 64.) Well, I found out this past week that he has about six months to live because his heart is very, very weak. The hospital got hospice involved.
Now we don't know what to do. The reason we were going to wait until summer was because it is the natural endpoint for our daughter's therapy, and we didn't want to move our girls in the middle of the school year. We were also going to move there specifically with the plan of having my dad around : (
We could move out there anyway, but move up our move date to April 1. Or i could take a leave from work for a few weeks and just visit. I am so torn.
I have no real attachment to the place where i am at...we have lived here only about 15 months...we have moved so many times trying to get the best therapy for our little one. I am so lost.
The summer is too far away to consider keeping this as our option at this point. there aren't going to be any easy answers for us in this...I jus have to hang on.
I'm just venting so I don't explode.
Heather
Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 9:38am

Oh Heather - I am so sorry to hear this.

All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 12:39pm
Heather,
You have a lot of decisions to make -- but it really doesn't sound like you have a lot of time to make them. The sooner you can go and really see what is going on, the better. It would probably be better to spend time as soon as you can, while your Dad is able to enjoy you being there.
As far as the move generally -- will the house be yours eventually? Are there jobs there for you and your DH -- can you move there financially without a huge problem? Can you find comparable therapy there for your daughter for the long term?
If eventually the house is going to be yours, then you were probably going to be moving back there somewhat permanently I guess.
I just know from my own experience that when Doctors give a relative time period they are often correct. You wouldn't want to be there for your Dad when he is not aware that you are there. We had hospice care for my brother, but he absolutely had to have someone with him all the time -- hospice people are not at the home 24 hours a day. You probably want him at home rather than at an actual "hospice" building. Lots to think about. Hugs -- so sorry this is happening.
Megan
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Tue, 02-21-2006 - 10:44pm
Hi, Heather--First of all, I want to say I am sorry to hear of your father's illness and the uncertainty that goes with it. However, I am heartened to hear that hospice is involved. For awhile, I worked in hospice, doing case management and educational inservices to various health-care organizations. It was truly one of the most rewarding experiences, to be part of each unique journey. My own father was on hospice, way before I knew what it was. l)The 6-month prognosis is just that--be it for heart and liver failure, oncology diseases, Alzheimers, etc. It could be more (or less) based on disease process, co-morbidities, performance/ADL factors, etc. The bereavement benefit lasts up to a year. 2)Many hospices have evolved to offer continuous care, crisis managment of symptoms, respite care, etc. Some DO have 1:1 care for specific short-term management of symptoms--either in the home, hospital, or nursing home.. Check with the hospice. 3)As painful as it may be, try to visit your father soon, to see what his wishes are. Time and again, I would see family emotions compounded by waiting until the last minute to make final arrangements--be it cremation (or not), financial matters, etc. That said, I made sure my DM and I sat down to go over every detail of what she wants. 4)Keep in touch with the hospice team. My thoughts are with you. Fondly, Whiz.