Advice Needed...debt ignorant friends

Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Advice Needed...debt ignorant friends
14
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:11pm

Okay...so hubby and I have been working super hard to get out of debt(more me than him because he doesn't care what we do/spend as long as he has food). We hav elearned our lesson and want to never go down this road again. We are v ery into our budget, our debt reduction, what we can do to get out of debt quicker, saving $$ to pay cash for our next car in 3 years.....

Well our best friends are not so concerned. They make a lot less money than we do and live a WAY better quality of life than we do. At least on the surface. I know they have a lot of debt(we have more but we make a lot more) and they are not paying their bills on time and so many other things.....So tonight they call and they were wanting to know how they sounded on their new $70 a piece cell phones!!

it's so hard not to be judgemental because they are good people and wold do just about anything for them but on the other hand it hurts to want some of the stuff they are getting and we just don't have it.

Any words of encouragement? I am not judgemental of them because they can live however they want that is their business....but I need something to hold onto when we stare at our 1 cent phones and eat at home every night while they talk on $70 phones and eat out 2-3 times a week......

I hopeI don't sound shallow because I am not a shallow person at all.....I think I am just feeling discouraged lately.

Thanks!

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Avatar for endomagazine
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 11:11pm

Hello,

I understand! We've been "taught" by banks, credit card companies, and retail store advertising that we should "buy, buy, buy". So when you change your focus to "save, save, save" and "pay off debt", you're likely to get a few strange looks from folks. That's ok.

Often, people do not want "advice" on how to manage their finances. However, you can put yourself into a position where they might ask.

As Dave Ramsey said in a column:
You could try telling them YOUR story. Tell them about your past troubles, what you did to fix things and how much easier it is when you have a plan and are living debt-free. It’s like, if you admit mistakes you’ve made, then it becomes okay for them to talk about things they ordinarily wouldn’t.

Yes, most of us aren't debt-free, but we have *less* debt than many of our "buy buy buy" focused friends & family. Some day, you'll be able to call up your friend and talk about the nice purchase you made with *cash*, because you have no debt. =)

Just remember, you have us to talk to when you feel like everyone else has all the "goodies" they really can't afford.

Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke

Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke

Geeks on Tap: Mission Accomplished

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 11:39pm
I have so BTDT and yes, it's annoying.

Lara

 

Avatar for grrr29
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 7:56am
Hi, yes I get it. We have neighbors and friends who should try to budget because they have tons of debt too, but instead they come home from shopping waving their kids new shoes that were a steal or bragging about the mini-vaca that they got a great deal on. Sometimes I get jealous because I try and shop consignment for clothes and we don't take vacas right now, but they I get my head again-you'll be the one celebrating in the end-M
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2006
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:27am

Hang in there, locachica! It does seem that it's very socially against the norm to save, pay off debt, and be financially responsible. But keep your strength!

On a similar note, we get our bonuses next Friday at work. Everyone in the office has been talking for weeks about things they are going to buy with the money. I've kept quiet, but when someone has asked I replied "using it to pay off debt/2nd mortgage/save up for a new car". I get some really strange looks.

You will be so grateful later when you are in a comfortable position with debt and savings! Keep the faith!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:35am

Oh I have sooo btdt, especially with close friends Dh and I have. They do just about the same thing you mentioned. I have been trying to put things in perspective though, and maybe this will help you too. Our friends eat out several times a week, while lately DH and I have been priding ourselves on creating meals that use what we have, and are healthy for us and our boys. We have been enjoying great family time together, just in the short while we have decided to focus on paying debt down...for some reason it has really strengthened our relationship. I know sometimes it is hard, especially for me when I see something I'd like to buy, or especially a new gadget that I know DH would love. But then I think about how far we have come, and it is only up from here. I guess in a rambling way, I am trying to say I wouldn't want to trade our paying down debt habits to be where our friends are. They spend sooo much money and still complain about their debt.

It sounds like you are keeping your eye on the prize; it is so incredibly hard, just know you're not the only one trying to do it!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-1999
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:40am

It's too bad we can't SEE peace of mind and financial security. Those are REAL status symbols to me. You can't buy them, you have to earn them and maintain them. No one can see it because it is YOUR business, but if you don't have them, you KNOW. You can LOOK successful and have everything, but without those intangibles, what good is it?

Don't worry about not having the same stuff as everyone else. Essentially we all NEED the same stuff, but we all WANT different things. Be sure you have your NEEDS. And we all NEED peace of mind, right?

Most folks here will tell you: You do not have to keep up with the Joneses. It's not worth it.

A challenge: Everytime you feel bad about not having something someone else has, make a snowflake payment to feel better about where you are going.

Best wishes, Littlesbigs

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 10:07am

Okay.

Pumpkin

&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 5:22pm

I know this feeling. My brother and his wife make the same money that we do....but they've got a three-story home, season tickets for several professional teams, take trips to Europe, trips to Vegas for the weekend on a whim, both drive brand new cars (the $50-60K fancy vehicles), wear the best clothing, have fancy dinner parties with all their fancy friends, etc etc, and my Dh and I stay home most every night because we want to pay off our debt quicker. What gets me through is knowing that although I'm not going all the places they are, driving cars like theirs, and all of my furniture is made of particle board and was bought about 15 years ago.....I 'do' have money set aside for my son for college. It's not fully-funded, but it's growing month by month. My husband and I have money being set aside for retirement also. I know that my brother and his wife have not done this. They cashed out their 401K to purchase more stuff for their home. They are not contributing to a retirement plan right now...but yet they keep buying. I guess what I'm trying to say is that although it's hard to see them live the high-life, I'd rather do without now and be able to put food on my table in my Golden Years. :-D

Pat :-D

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:04pm
Hi I know that feeling, I have a freind that has everything she wants and then more. Doesn't work at all and is in major credit card debt but keeps on going. I think it is so important for her to look good. Says our car is not a great car but hey it is a 2002 with less then 20 thousand miles and gets me to point a to point be with out coasting me a foutune. Feel like anything we have is never as good as hers. oh well it makes me feel like I'm nothing.

over 40 and tired

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:05pm

HUGS!

 

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