Advice Needed...debt ignorant friends

Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Advice Needed...debt ignorant friends
14
Sat, 03-25-2006 - 9:11pm

Okay...so hubby and I have been working super hard to get out of debt(more me than him because he doesn't care what we do/spend as long as he has food). We hav elearned our lesson and want to never go down this road again. We are v ery into our budget, our debt reduction, what we can do to get out of debt quicker, saving $$ to pay cash for our next car in 3 years.....

Well our best friends are not so concerned. They make a lot less money than we do and live a WAY better quality of life than we do. At least on the surface. I know they have a lot of debt(we have more but we make a lot more) and they are not paying their bills on time and so many other things.....So tonight they call and they were wanting to know how they sounded on their new $70 a piece cell phones!!

it's so hard not to be judgemental because they are good people and wold do just about anything for them but on the other hand it hurts to want some of the stuff they are getting and we just don't have it.

Any words of encouragement? I am not judgemental of them because they can live however they want that is their business....but I need something to hold onto when we stare at our 1 cent phones and eat at home every night while they talk on $70 phones and eat out 2-3 times a week......

I hopeI don't sound shallow because I am not a shallow person at all.....I think I am just feeling discouraged lately.

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 6:56pm

I've just spent a weekend being in a similar boat-I do a spring break trip every year with my mom and sister. I don't know my sister's financial situation-she and her husband both have law degrees but neither practices for a private firm (where the money is) and they have a 1 year old in daycare. I do know that she had about 80,000 in student loans when she graduated and I know we have about 45,000 in debt. I'm a SAHM. It was a shopping/hiking weekend and it was SO hard. My kids mostly where hand-me-downs from freecycle/cousins, garage sale items and a few clearance items. I buy almost exclusively a season ahead. Silly comments-like when she couldn't decide on a dress and her husband and my mom urged her to buy it because it's only 16.00 and isn't XXX worth 16.00. I was sitting there deliberating over whether 10.00 was too much for next winter's coat. Just watching her be able to buy stuff that fits great today and to have that ability to choose what her DD would wear (I rarely pick winter clothes since my in-laws give clothes for birthday/Christmas but they are rarely what I would like my children to wear. I could go on because I just got back from the trip but I just keep reminding myself that I don't know her situation only mine and once I've changed my situation then I'll be able to make those choices as well. Also, it's easy to compare when you are in the situation jointly but when you step back you might find places they do cut back. My sister and her husband don't vacation (we do about 2,000 in camping vacations over the summer). I once lived in a gorgeous house in NJ as the nanny and it was so fancy on the outside, they had a nanny obviously, great clothes for the kids, etc. but we ate at home all the time, they had no living room furniture, etc. it's all a question of choices.

Taleyna

Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 8:02pm

Thank you all for your posts of encouragement!! I definitely need it. I have never known anyone that lived debt free so it is hard. I don't want anyone to get the impression that we live a "poor" life because we are getting out of debt. We live a fairly nice lower upper middle class lifestyle;-) I am happy with our lives in general and so is hubby.

I think I am just disenfrachised because I have changed as a person the past 18 months and view our friends differently. I think it would help if she wasn't always telling me about their money troubles and inability to pay bills. I just want to shake her sometimes....

But thanks to you my eyes are BACK on the prize.....we will have paid off 15,000 in debt by the end of 2006 and that is something to be VERY proud of....

THANKS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 5:27pm

Oh boy I hear you! My DF and I make approximately $15K-$20K a year more than this particular couple we know, and we each have fairly similar debt loads, yet... we rent, they own... we drive a 9-yo car, they drive a 3-yo car... we have one cell phone between the two of us, they each have their own camera phone... we eat out once every 3-4 weeks, they eat out 3-4 times PER week... they are shopping for new hardwood floors, we can't even change our curtains because we live in a rental.... etc, etc, etc...

BUT - their credit cards are nearly always maxed, whereas ours rarely carry a balance. I am astonished at the types of things she will whip out her credit card for - movie rentals, groceries, $5-worth of snacks at the corner store. I've heard her complaining more than once about how "stupid" it is that most fast food places don't take Visa - seriously! He's just as bad. They'll pay them down and charge them up again - a neverending cycle that used to be all too familiar to me.

So although it may look like they are doing better than we are, they really aren't. They borrowed money to get married, borrowed money from parents to buy a home, and borrow money almost daily from their cc's. They have no savings to speak of. One day they'll say they can only afford to buy no-name groceries, and the next day they'll have bought a new BBQ. I'm really not sure what it will take because they've been through hell and back financially, and have even come very close to getting divorced. Yet they continue to spend and don't even seem to realize the hole they've dug themselves! They seem to live in this "it'll get better when our jobs start paying more" kind of fantasy. Other times she'll simply come out and say "we'll always have debt. It's a normal fact of life. Everyone has debt". *sigh*

You know what? It's nice to have stuff... but it's a lot nicer to have stuff you paid cash for! The cash lifestyle may require a little more patience, but it is far more rewarding.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 10:40pm

I have older friends that are the same way. They have 2 car payments, a mortgage, an equity loan that they took for her breast enhancement, charge everything, don't eat at home at all...

I just remind myself secretly that WE chose not to live like that and that we will not have to work until we die because we are saving....

Maybe you should write your goals down and post them somewhere. My house plan and the picture of us standing on the lot with the "sale pending" sign is my motivation!

Stephanie

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