First of all, your life is NOT over. Take a deep breath and just let yourself digest all the information.
Having children from another marriage is not easy, especially when the ex is difficult. It really stinks that even though he doesn't see them, he still has to pay child support.
That being said.. You might be in for a bit of a change financially.. maybe not $300/week (is that what's she's asking?? or is that what the law says re: his income??) I know that in Florida, it all depends on income.. if his income went up, and they can prove it, you might be in for a bigger child support bill.
but when everything is said and done.. you guys will just adjust financially and move on. I know that it's easier said then done-- but it will just happen--it has to , so it does.. ya know??
I don't think it should have any affect on whether he wants to adopt your little guy, and I know that you are thinking of another baby.. but being a SAHM.. it's not going to cost anything in daycare.. so you might still be on track with that too.
All I am saying is don't let all this overwhelm you--take one step at a time. Re-check your expenses make sure you don't miss anything.. I am sure they are going to want bills and financials from you guys....
One step at a time.. don't get overwhelmed. I sincerely hope everything turns out okay for you..
you have to also take into consideration.. are you actually going to make money when you work??
you have to calculate in for daycare.. or extended day, plus gas, clothes.. ect.. Lots of times it doesn't pay for someone to work because of all the extra expenses of working!
If I really crunched the numbers.. it *might* not be really worth it for my husband to work with all we spend on daycare ect.. compared to what he makes.. but I would NEVER let him stay home!
I can handle being the breadwinner.. but I don't think I could handle my husband being home with my son all day and me being at work.. NOT going to HAPPEN! hehe
oh.. maybe you can just get a part time job at night or something.. nothing major, just something to help offset the $300/week.. or just even *some* of the $300/week..
You will figure something out, I am sure it will all work out for the best. I truely believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is a reason that you just don't know about yet!
Oh, honey, I am so sorry you are in this situation and feeling so hopeless right now! I am thinking warm thoughts and holding you in the light. Praying for peace and strength for you.
As for going to work, and not getting to be a SAHM, I am heartily with the person who already suggested night work. When we were at the depth of our debt struggle and trying to get back on track, I went to work in a bar at night. We didn't have to pay childcare because dh watched ds while I was at work, and the tips were paid in cash.
In three nights a week (working from 6 pm until 3 am), I made right around $300 a week. I was also chronically exhausted and my hair smelled like cigarette smoke all the time. But it put us over the top, and it was well worth it for the fact that I got to be with my son during the day.
Anyway, it seems a real shame that your husband's obligations should be impacting you in this way, but I pray a resolution will be reached that will be fair to all. And that you will find the peace and strength you need to get through it all with grace.
Many blessings,
Heather
P.S. Every problem holds a gift in its hands. This mantra has gotten me through many difficult times.
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I don't really have much advice to offer other then to just say I hope things will work out. If part of original agreement was $70.00 a week in return for signing his parental rights away, can he now contest his parental rights??? $300.00 a week seems a lot for children he is not legally allowed to be in contact with. I don't know your situation, but is it possible that the threat of suing for visitation would make his ex back down?? Just a thought . . .
OK breathe! It will be OK...take one step at a time. See what happens at court first. Get a weekend/evening job so you can continue being a SAHM and homeschool. I know it is hard to listen to others sometimes but it can work. As for Homeschooling...think of the kids...to be bounced back and forth from public school to HS is not consisistant. Sometimes you just have think outside the box...trust me I know...I just recently had to do this (story posted under New Leaf~D in CT)...hang in there!
What about suing her for joint custody? In CA, if you share the kids time 50/50, the support is halved. That would mean that you'd need to be in a place where you'd be okay with spending a lot of time with them, but you could also continue being a SAHM and they would get to see their dad. The ex can be unpleasant, but she can't force him to stay away if the judge orders it.
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Hey Hon..
First of all, your life is NOT over. Take a deep breath and just let yourself digest all the information.
Having children from another marriage is not easy, especially when the ex is difficult. It really stinks that even though he doesn't see them, he still has to pay child support.
That being said.. You might be in for a bit of a change financially.. maybe not $300/week (is that what's she's asking?? or is that what the law says re: his income??) I know that in Florida, it all depends on income.. if his income went up, and they can prove it, you might be in for a bigger child support bill.
but when everything is said and done.. you guys will just adjust financially and move on. I know that it's easier said then done-- but it will just happen--it has to , so it does.. ya know??
I don't think it should have any affect on whether he wants to adopt your little guy, and I know that you are thinking of another baby.. but being a SAHM.. it's not going to cost anything in daycare.. so you might still be on track with that too.
All I am saying is don't let all this overwhelm you--take one step at a time. Re-check your expenses make sure you don't miss anything.. I am sure they are going to want bills and financials from you guys....
One step at a time.. don't get overwhelmed. I sincerely hope everything turns out okay for you..
Thank you.
They will be checking his income, and based on that, he should be paying somewhere around $300/week.
you have to also take into consideration.. are you actually going to make money when you work??
you have to calculate in for daycare.. or extended day, plus gas, clothes.. ect.. Lots of times it doesn't pay for someone to work because of all the extra expenses of working!
If I really crunched the numbers.. it *might* not be really worth it for my husband to work with all we spend on daycare ect.. compared to what he makes.. but I would NEVER let him stay home!
I can handle being the breadwinner.. but I don't think I could handle my husband being home with my son all day and me being at work.. NOT going to HAPPEN! hehe
oh.. maybe you can just get a part time job at night or something.. nothing major, just something to help offset the $300/week.. or just even *some* of the $300/week..
You will figure something out, I am sure it will all work out for the best. I truely believe everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is a reason that you just don't know about yet!
Let us know how things are going with this!
--Shannon
Oh, honey, I am so sorry you are in this situation and feeling so hopeless right now! I am thinking warm thoughts and holding you in the light. Praying for peace and strength for you.
As for going to work, and not getting to be a SAHM, I am heartily with the person who already suggested night work. When we were at the depth of our debt struggle and trying to get back on track, I went to work in a bar at night. We didn't have to pay childcare because dh watched ds while I was at work, and the tips were paid in cash.
In three nights a week (working from 6 pm until 3 am), I made right around $300 a week. I was also chronically exhausted and my hair smelled like cigarette smoke all the time. But it put us over the top, and it was well worth it for the fact that I got to be with my son during the day.
Anyway, it seems a real shame that your husband's obligations should be impacting you in this way, but I pray a resolution will be reached that will be fair to all. And that you will find the peace and strength you need to get through it all with grace.
Many blessings,
Heather
P.S. Every problem holds a gift in its hands. This mantra has gotten me through many difficult times.
Shannon and Heather, thank you both for your encouragment!!!!
I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I don't really have much advice to offer other then to just say I hope things will work out. If part of original agreement was $70.00 a week in return for signing his parental rights away, can he now contest his parental rights??? $300.00 a week seems a lot for children he is not legally allowed to be in contact with. I don't know your situation, but is it possible that the threat of suing for visitation would make his ex back down?? Just a thought . . .
Becky
Bex -
Sorry to hear about your situation. Hugs!
I'm not sure I can offer any advice or any words of wisdom. I hope everything works out!
OK breathe! It will be OK...take one step at a time. See what happens at court first. Get a weekend/evening job so you can continue being a SAHM and homeschool. I know it is hard to listen to others sometimes but it can work. As for Homeschooling...think of the kids...to be bounced back and forth from public school to HS is not consisistant. Sometimes you just have think outside the box...trust me I know...I just recently had to do this (story posted under New Leaf~D in CT)...hang in there!
Namaste'
Becky, unfortunately, once she filed for a modification of the child support agreement, the "deed was done".
Hi Aravis,
What about suing her for joint custody? In CA, if you share the kids time 50/50, the support is halved. That would mean that you'd need to be in a place where you'd be okay with spending a lot of time with them, but you could also continue being a SAHM and they would get to see their dad. The ex can be unpleasant, but she can't force him to stay away if the judge orders it.
Chloe
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