I'm a divorced mom myself, so I see it from that perspective. I know it's a strain to pay more, but remember it's going to the kids. Your DH will know that his children are well provided for (food, clothing, dentists, school supplies, etc. add up and $70/week isn't very much). I hope you receive some financial support from your son's father, too. Frankly, this is one reason I avoid dating men with young children. Too much uncertainty and drama.
You mentioned you live in different states. Which parent moved? I know that where I live, the parent that moved away has to foot the transportation bill for the kids' visitation. So, if Mom moved with the kids, she'd have to get them to Dad for visitation. It may be the same where you are. Hopefully, your DH will get some big blocks of time with them in summers and school vacations. I'll bet they miss their Dad. All I know is that if my ex had custody of our kids and somehow found a legal way to move away, I'd be right behind him, moving right around the corner. So, I can understand totally your husband considering a move to be near them.
Perhaps the "budget hit" will be easier for ya'll to swallow if you perceive of it as going to a good cause--providing for children. Try not to get too wrapped up in the financial worries, your family will have to focus on re-introducing these kids to their Dad. That might be hard on everyone at first, but I have to believe it will be great for all in the long run.
I was a SAHM before the divorce and loved it. After the divorce, I HAD to support myself and my kids, so back to work I went. I survived it, even though I'd still LOVE to be able to be there more for my kids, life didn't work out that way.
I can't help on the support issue because I have never been divorced(we are the lucky few I guess....) BUT have you ever considered just working at UPS during their twilight hours? The work isn't glamorous but it pays decent, DS would be home with DH and they offer lucrative tuition assistance to help with school. I think the shifts are 3-4 hours a night. No weekends, no holidays....
Good luck!! It always feels like life throws us a curve ball right when we are getting on track....
Just wanted to say that I think that it's a good decision not to have another child until this whole mess gets sorted out. The thing is, with stepfamilies is that this crap comes up all the time.
I am engaged to a man who's ex-wife is the biggest pain in the world, constantly asking for us to buy her daughter things, wanting more money etc...she cares more about money than she does her daughter...but that's neither here nor there.
I have two kids of my own, and they have a deadbeat father that doesn't see them and doesn't pay child support at all, so I've seen the issues from both sides.
Bottom line is, whatever the judge decides your man needs to pay, is what he has to pay....they're his kids, I know you know that...but sometimes knowing and really dealing with it are two different things. It bothers me that I have to help DF with $$ to support his daughter when I get squat from my kids' father.
I think it's funny that you've been told that you now need to get a job because of this. I think that your husband should get a second job. After all, these are his kids...and ultimately his responsibility. I feel what you're feeling though, because once you married the guy, it all became your responsibility too right? But it doesn't have to be that way. You can love him and support him and even love his kids, without forcing yourself to change your own life for the worst.
And I don't think that it's fair for you to have to put off your dream of becoming pregnant and having a child, or being a stay at home parent, because your DH has to pay more money to his ex-wife.
Am I way off base here? HE should be getting the second job, and the only person he should be resentful to is his ex-wife. Not to you.
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Hi!
I'm a divorced mom myself, so I see it from that perspective. I know it's a strain to pay more, but remember it's going to the kids. Your DH will know that his children are well provided for (food, clothing, dentists, school supplies, etc. add up and $70/week isn't very much). I hope you receive some financial support from your son's father, too. Frankly, this is one reason I avoid dating men with young children. Too much uncertainty and drama.
You mentioned you live in different states. Which parent moved? I know that where I live, the parent that moved away has to foot the transportation bill for the kids' visitation. So, if Mom moved with the kids, she'd have to get them to Dad for visitation. It may be the same where you are. Hopefully, your DH will get some big blocks of time with them in summers and school vacations. I'll bet they miss their Dad. All I know is that if my ex had custody of our kids and somehow found a legal way to move away, I'd be right behind him, moving right around the corner. So, I can understand totally your husband considering a move to be near them.
Perhaps the "budget hit" will be easier for ya'll to swallow if you perceive of it as going to a good cause--providing for children. Try not to get too wrapped up in the financial worries, your family will have to focus on re-introducing these kids to their Dad. That might be hard on everyone at first, but I have to believe it will be great for all in the long run.
I was a SAHM before the divorce and loved it. After the divorce, I HAD to support myself and my kids, so back to work I went. I survived it, even though I'd still LOVE to be able to be there more for my kids, life didn't work out that way.
Good luck to you.
Momsacupcake
I agree that $70/week is not much to support 2 kids.
Aravis-
I can't help on the support issue because I have never been divorced(we are the lucky few I guess....) BUT have you ever considered just working at UPS during their twilight hours? The work isn't glamorous but it pays decent, DS would be home with DH and they offer lucrative tuition assistance to help with school. I think the shifts are 3-4 hours a night. No weekends, no holidays....
Good luck!! It always feels like life throws us a curve ball right when we are getting on track....
Loca
Just wanted to say that I think that it's a good decision not to have another child until this whole mess gets sorted out. The thing is, with stepfamilies is that this crap comes up all the time.
I am engaged to a man who's ex-wife is the biggest pain in the world, constantly asking for us to buy her daughter things, wanting more money etc...she cares more about money than she does her daughter...but that's neither here nor there.
I have two kids of my own, and they have a deadbeat father that doesn't see them and doesn't pay child support at all, so I've seen the issues from both sides.
Bottom line is, whatever the judge decides your man needs to pay, is what he has to pay....they're his kids, I know you know that...but sometimes knowing and really dealing with it are two different things. It bothers me that I have to help DF with $$ to support his daughter when I get squat from my kids' father.
I think it's funny that you've been told that you now need to get a job because of this. I think that your husband should get a second job. After all, these are his kids...and ultimately his responsibility. I feel what you're feeling though, because once you married the guy, it all became your responsibility too right? But it doesn't have to be that way. You can love him and support him and even love his kids, without forcing yourself to change your own life for the worst.
Take care and good luck!
Sarah
And I don't think that it's fair for you to have to put off your dream of becoming pregnant and having a child, or being a stay at home parent, because your DH has to pay more money to his ex-wife.
Am I way off base here? HE should be getting the second job, and the only person he should be resentful to is his ex-wife. Not to you.
I feel really bad for you.
Sarah
Wow. He lied to you? I have red flags popping up all over the place right now.
I'll try hard to keep my opinions to myself.
There are a lot of divorce and money and stepfamily support groups that I hang out on. If you want links, let me know.
Sarah
UPS is something I will look into!
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