The difference between frugal & cheap

Avatar for skthurber
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Registered: 03-27-2003
The difference between frugal & cheap
7
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 10:01pm

My MIL is driving DH and me nuts!

The Situation: 1 week ago MIL buys new table for Easter dinner. MIL, who is widowed, lives alone, and has back problems, declines paying extra for delivery and set-up. Instead, she calls up DH with less than 12 hours notice and wants him to help her pick up the table from the store, load it into her minivan, bring it to her house, unload it, and set it up (basically screwing the legs on). She has a habit of doing this sort of thing. DH, who is swamped at this time in the semester, tells her that it will have to wait until during the week, but that he knows she wants to get everything done before Easter. MIL hangs up in a huff, and guilts another DS and DSIL into doing the work. Easter dinner ended up being tense, and we left early.

I just hope that with all of our cost-cutting, we never get too cheap that we just rely on family and friends for free labor with no reciprocation. That's just rude.

Sorry for venting. I hope everyone else had a better day!

-Sarah

Sarah


Mom to Gina & Tony


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 9:27am

It would be nice if she gave something towards lunch, a small acknowledgement that you took time out of your schedule.

I think families have a habit of using each other as free labor. At least there was someone else in the family she could call on. I wouldn't feel bad that she called on another family member in the end.

Have you discussed with your BIL/SIL how best to handle the situation? Is there anyway to share the responsibility of your MIL?

If the delivery people are anything like the ones in my area, I can understand her wanting to use family. The ones that deliver the items to my home can be more of a hinderance than a help.

I think you need to have an open family conference to discuss how to help. It could be money. $65 is a lot to pay for delivery of an item.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 10:14am

Sarah, I know what you mean!!!!

 

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Avatar for skthurber
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:44am

**I think your MIL has expectations that are extremely different than you and your husband. Does this show up in other areas of your relationship w/ MIL?**

Avaris, are you sure you are not a psychologist? LOL! Yep, there are two ways of doing everything in the world. MIL's way (the right way) and the wrong way (basically, everything I or even DH or our children do). Being cheap is just the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately. Thanks for reading my blathering post :)

-Sarah

Sarah


Mom to Gina & Tony


 


Avatar for skthurber
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 11:58am

That's part of the problem. We don't even get a "thank you" anymore for helping, and the last time DH installed something, I brought supper over to her so we could all eat and she could see the kids. DH has 2 siblings, and everyone is married and has kids, and both parents in each couple work. She always calls at the last minute and wants things done NOW. She just doesn't respect that everyone's time is valuable and in short supply. DH's siblings are in various degrees of frustration with her too, but we are all in agreement that she is not going to change, so we each have to figure out our level of commitment to her and her needs. And no, my MIL could win the lottery and still make her kids do all the heavy lifting. She is just cheap in that regard, unfortunately! Thanks for reading my ramblings!

-Sarah

Sarah


Mom to Gina & Tony


 


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Registered: 01-06-2005
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 1:20pm

hee hee

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 6:38pm

Hey, we have the opposite problem - DH's parents keep deciding to do things - improvements on house, etc., and not telling us and doing them themselves. His dad has already fallen and hurt his back and his wrist. And these are medium sized tasks that they could hire someone for, or I could go over and do them. (And if I needed something like that done around my house, they'd just pay for me to get it done, so that DH and I "wouldn't waste our time")

I'm glad I have my problem and not yours. What if you all went on strike, and told MIL that the minimum amount of time you need to be informed of tasks is one week, except for medical stuff?

Avatar for skthurber
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-17-2006 - 9:35pm

Hmmm...DH and his DB would probably go for it. The problem is that DH's DS feels too guilty and gives in (or makes her DH do the work). As for injuries, DS's DH did fall off a ladder while painting MIL's house and broke his foot. This happened a couple of years ago. I am glad that my DM & DD stay off of ladders, at least. I've got enough to worry about keeping my twin 2 year olds safe, let alone my parents! :)

-Sarah

Sarah


Mom to Gina & Tony