Plugging the $$ dam

Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Plugging the $$ dam
7
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 8:27am

Help! I have been bleeding money the past weeks. I can't seem to get it under control. I am an emotional spender and with everything that I been going on I just can't get it together. I keep buying & buying & buying.....we have had the van painted, bought summer clothes for the kids, eaten out more than in, bought 7 yo a bike, and on and on and on. I need to stop but I just can't seem to do it.....

Suggestions? My house is almost immaculate from trying to avoid shopping but it is not working......I am on a sinking ship here people...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 9:53am

You aren't alone. I have spells like that and I know exactly what you are feeling. There are a lot of us. We recognize the feelings and thought process, the rationalizations and still spend.

When I feel in that mode I don't step foot in stores. In grocery stores I limit myself to the list and go down the appropriate aisle to the specific item and beat feet out of the market. It saves me every time. Now I rarely shop on the days that were my regular shopping days (days off).

I have no magic method for ya. Wish I did. I think you are well on your way to getting things under control -- you recognize exactly what is going on within you. You recognize the thoughts and reasons. That's half the battle. Next is taking a deep breath and acknowledging there are certain purchases that probably hit those buttons in you and your resistance fails: things for the children, repairs, etc. Those are the times you just have to stay strong. Avoid situations when you are weak. One day or one weekend or one week won't kill anyone. Take it one urge - one impulse at a time.

And post just like you did. Getting it out "on paper" so to speak, being honest about it, really has a posiive effect.

Hope this helps.

Carolyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2006
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 11:41am

{{{loca}}} Hang in there! Here are my first couple of thoughts of 'activities' you might do:

1. Review your goals and where you stand with them. Are they still really your families goals? Is one or more within reach? If so, anything you can do to accelerate those?

2. Do you journal? Even if you don't, sit down with a blank sheet of paper and spend some time thinking about how it will feel when you reach one or more of your goals. Fantasize about how your life will be different and some of the things you might do when you have gotten the debt monster slayed (or whatever goal). I was thinking today how nice it would be to retire and go to Europe for 6 mos or so. That dream REQUIRES me to get my financial ducks in a row over the next 20 years. That's a long range goal/dream. Just let yourself dream a bit.

3. This may be a symptom of deprivation. Do you have your budget screwed down so tight that you don't have any flexibility. I don't know many people who resist when they cross that line from moderation to deprivation (in food, money, anything) so maybe take a look and see what you can do there.

4. Can you spend some of that energy 'earning' instead of 'spending'? I have NO idea what that might look like for you but thought I'd throw it out there.

Good luck. You can do this! Sounds like you've been spending on reasonable things too so try not to beat yourself up too much!

Peg

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 12:46pm
Hi, 2loc. I agree with others, you need to put things on paper. Identify your triggers. and track you impulsive purchases. Are you spending because you're bored, drawn to flashy advertising come-ons ("sale-20% off") or ("this deal will not last; only this weekend price!"),not wanting to wait six months, buying cause someone else said they had one, etc.? I think Danni said it once---pick up the item. Say, "Do I really need this?" "Will it make my life better/easier?". How long will it take to pay off?" The thing that helped me the MOST(I know this is stupid and corny, but here it is), is when I started to say, "I had to work 6 hours to make x dollars to pay for this", it made me put things back. I went to Home Depot with DH and made a list. I said this mantra to myself, and stuck to my list. You can succeed, am rooting for you. Whiz.
Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:32pm

Thanks for the pick me up guys. My spending isn't boredom or anything like that...I think it's more mortality. When my mom died & then I had to have brain surgery & my best friends mom died all in 5 months I think I kind of got the why does it matter kind of mindset. I was so terrified that I was going to die on the table(I am really fat & I had a brain tumor) that once it was all okay I just threw caution(&visa) to the wind and went hog wild. I have also been dealing with a lot of guilt issues it is more me, no one makes me feel guilty. The reason? My mother committed suicide on october 25th while my best friend watched her mother waste away from breast cancer fighting every step of the way. It just doesn't seem fair. I am an extremely faithful person and I know that God knows why and it has to be okay for now but I have just had a really hard time wrapping my brain around it all.

I have spent today thinking about all the things we want to do and how much happier we will be once this is all taken care of and how far we have already come...and I don't want to go back. I think I am back to right thinking. I went through all my piles o crap and am returning about $100 worth and I am going through the kids stuff now to take to the resale shop(I resell old stuff to pay for the new stuff).

I have also decided to become gazelle intense...about my weight. So that will give me something to do. I can do like on Oprah, when you want to spend take a walk...I should lose no less than 50 pounds a day!!

I am just glad I am part of this board and I caught it $500 down the road instead of $5000. I am going to write down my goals and post them somewhere.....I am back in the wagon JLo booty and all

Loca

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 3:48am

It sounds like you have been through a lot!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 05-05-2006 - 9:06am

Loca - I'm so glad you're starting to feel better. That is a lot to go through all at once. And good luck on the weight loss, it can definitely make you feel so much better, especially when you exercise. I've been doing weight watchers for 5 months and it's helped me a lot and I feel so much better about myself.

Hugs
Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 9:18am
It sounds like your spending was just an emotional reaction to all that was happening to you recently. Even if only just one of those things was happening you would probably have lost control and spent loads, everyone has some way of reacting in difficult times. Give yourself a huge hug and tell yourself you are a wonderful and special person, which you are! Life will return to normal again, but be kind to yourself in the meantime.
Love
Anne :O)