Help me get my mind around this

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Help me get my mind around this
20
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:57am

Bear with me ~ this is long and rambling!

This might sound crazy . . . but the thing I stress about the most regarding our finances is our children's college educations. I know ~ that shouldn't really be on my radar since (1) we are still living on credit; and (2) they are only 4, 3 and 2. But the reality is that it does stress me out. I'm not sure exactly why . . . I know a majority of people don't think it's even necessary to pay for their children's college educations. But for me ~ it is a gift that I want to give my children (DH is definitely on board!) and I will feel like I failed them if I'm not able to do so. They will all 3 be in college at the same time so it will be an extra big burden.

My parents completely paid for my undergrad degree (although they never saved ~ they just paid as I went; same for my sisters) and heavily subsidized my law degree (all living expenses, car, gas, insurance and some textbooks/supplies). DH had full scholarships through undergrad and grad school. We are both very grateful that we didn't have to start out under a huge cloud of debt.

Currently ~ the children each have a very basic savings fund. There's not very much money in them ($75 in the lowest and over $400 in the highest). Because I feel like I have to do something about their savings, I currently put a nominal amount ($10/each unless I can swing more) into their accounts each month. Our spare change (between $10-20/month) as well as survey checks and the occasional $1 also gets deposited into their accounts.

For some reason ~ I don't stress about our retirement $ at all. But maybe that's because we have close to $70,000 already saved? I don't know ~ it's strange.

Here's the thing: first, as I've painfully mentioned several times, we're living on credit so we're not even making ends meet. Second, I just found out that our emergency fund has been depleted more than I thought. DH wasn't hiding anything; I've just chosen to remain very ignorant of our true financial situation.

So ~ should I ignore the children's savings accounts completely and throw the $50 or so/month toward making ends meet and/or our EF? How do I make myself OK with that? And what should I focus on . . . making ends meet or funding the EF? If I focus on the EF, we should be able to have it back to $1000 by the end of the year . . . and probably much earlier if my business continues to be so successful.

Or is it OK to continue to put the $10/month in the children's accounts just for peace of mind?

FWIW ~ I'm pretty sure that we're going to "live within our means" this month and the next 2 months because the children aren't in preschool and aren't involved in any activities. I'm also working on reducing our grocery bill and should be able to reduce it by at least $150/month. So we'll be pretty close to living within our means even when we're paying for school in the fall.

Thank you so much for letting me vent/pick your brains! I really appreciate it!




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 11:58am

Yes ~ we are working on all of those things. We have always had a budget . . . and still stick to it for the most part. We've just let things go for many reasons I've mentioned in other posts. We are doing the best we can and trying to correct our errors.

We are trying to use the summer to figure it all out and rearrange the budget so it works much better for us and we can stop the "bleed." I am praying that we will be able to rearrange things so that we'll be OK one the Fall starts up. Our school expenses will be less since our oldest will be in Kindergarten. And once we make it through the Fall, DH will be getting a raise and most likely an end of the year bonus that should also really help things. Also ~ my business really picks up during the Holiday season (starting in September) so I'll have more money to throw at the budget. AND ~ we've budgeted for Christmas gifts so we have the cash available and it won't hit our normal budget or have to be put on the CCs. Hope this answers your questions ~ I would love any more specific advice you have.

I really think we live a pretty conservative lifestyle and aren't just BLOWING money. We also make sound financial decisions. THe great majority of our debt (I would say 95%) came from unavoidable (having children) medical expenses. For example, I couldn't really control spending 4 weeks in the hospital with my last (very unexpected) pregnancy and I couldn't help that my baby had to spend time in the NICU. By the time all of the medical expenses were added up and we were left to pay 20% of them, our debt was sealed.

I have to say that this is very difficult for me to come here and write this all out and I *am* embarassed. But the best I can do about all of it is change the mistakes we are making and start attacking everything NOW. I can't get tomorrow (and the last few years) back. And to be 100% honest with you, I don't regret the majority of the debt because if it wasn't for the debt, I wouldn't have 3 happy, healthy, beautiful children and I wouldn't have been able to be home with them. But I am 100% on board with changing things. It's on my mind CONSTANTLY and changes are being made daily to fix things.




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:04pm

Thanks for the advice!

DH and I talked about it this morning and we have decided to put the extra money towards the EF and then against the debt rather than into the children's savings accounts.

My inlaws do give $$$ to the children although it usually works out that only the baby gets money because we ask them to pay for other things the bigger children need, i.e., soccer and karate fees, clothes, etc. Since the baby doesn't have activities yet and has plenty of hand-me-down clothes and toys, she ends up being the recipient of nice checks at both Christmas and her birthday. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get my parents on board. My mom LOVES to bargain shop and is constantly buying stuff for the kids (including lots of clothes) so by the time birthdays roll around, she already has tangible gifts. I did make progress last year and convince her to give the family a Walmart gift card for Christmas as our large gift.

I'll look into the UPromise CC (I do currently have a UPromise account with about $8 in it!). . . but not until the rest of our debt is well on its way to being GONE!!!




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:18pm

Mary, I don't have much to add to the other posters, you got some great advice/info. But I just want to say please do not be embarrassed - especially here! We have all been there, done that and we all have our own reasons for being in debt. If we didn't know how you feel, we wouldn't be here. "You are not your debt" is a great motto we like to use here.

Just want you to know that you are not alone.
Hugs
Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:25pm
Thanks Lisa! : )



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 12:55pm
Are your kids the only grandkids on either side of the family? If so maybe the gparents would get a upromise card and put it in the kids name. You can do that...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2002
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:01pm

Hi Again,
The fact that you are planning and looking at your finances means you will have a good financial future ahead of you if you stick with it! I am trying to stick with it, too.

I worked two jobs while taking 18 credit hours and it was all worth it because i wanted it. It wasn't even that bad really - my mom and dad did what the could too...your children will be fine whether you pay for 100% of 50% of their education. :) My mom stayed home until I was 8 years old and has never regretted it! I would much rather be paying my (now) $17,000 left to Sallie Mae because I had my mom at home raising me until I was in second grade. I am very blessed. And don't ever be embarassed here - we are all in the same boat in one way or another. The details are different but we are all here for the same reason. Heck, I started posting many years ago and I am STILL in debt lol. But getting there!

Lauren

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 1:37pm

My children are the 6, 7 and 8th grandchildren on my side and the 1, 2 and 3 on DH's side. The ILs have another granddaughter 5 months younger than my youngest.

My parents said they'd sign up with UPromise but didn't follow through. I'll have to talk to them again. They are willing to help because my sisters' families are very well off and have college taken care of already.

I'm not sure about my ILs. They definitely have the $ but I'm not sure they'd sign up because (1) they are very leary about any online financial stuff; and (2) they are excruciatingly even with their grandchildren. My sister in law is a single mom and is even worse financial shape than we are so I don't know how they would feel about helping us. I might send them an invite from UPromise and see what happens.




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 5:20pm

:)

 

Image hosting by TinyPic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 5:36pm

No ~ it's all good. THis is such a HARD issue for me, which is why I have avoided it for the last few years! But I need to get over my pride and deal with today so I can love tomorrow. KWIM?

AND ~ if we take care of things now when our kids are still young, they'll never have to really feel the pinch. They don't know the difference right now . . . and I'm sure they will when they're teenagers. LOL!




Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosting by Photobucket


"Once we discover how to appreciate the timeless values in our daily experiences, we can enjoy the best things in life."

Harry Hepner


Image hosting by Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 7:04pm

One suggestion that might help the emotional side of this equation is to visit bankrate.com or a similar site to see just how long it will take you to pay off your debt.

Pages