Inheritance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
Inheritance?
13
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 3:08pm

A couple of years ago my dear grandmother passed away and left me an inheritance of $20k. Her reasoning was a woman should always have another option. I think she did this because she felt my mother was trapped where she was in her marriage, with no money of her "own". That is, of course, another story. Naturally, at the time, I was bowled over (between the shock and grief) and put it in a money market. When my bank was bought by another bank, it was changed to a passbook savings with minimal interest. About a year ago, we paid off a cc with $5k from it.

In our debt journey I have not given this inheritance another thought, beyond what my grandmother's wishes were. I was talking to DH, and we were talking about our money situation, and how that much money could help us. DH has just said, when I asked him what he thought about using the rest of it, "I can't make that decision it is your money." Although, he did say if he were in the same boat, the money would be ours...

My question is, what would you do? Please be honest, you all have given me wonderful advice and support before. I am just torn I think between honoring my grandmother and doing right by my family. Thank you in advance.




Edited 5/13/2006 3:16 pm ET by candytester

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 6:48pm
It sounds like you feel guilty about this money and keeping it from your husband. Personally, I have had very bad experiences with men and money and if I ever find myself with an inheritance, I will keep it seperate from any marital assets. Once you use the money for joint expenses or put the money in both of your names it becomes community property anyway. It sounds from your post that your husband wants the money to be considered joint property; personally if the roles were reversed, I don't know any man who would share the money with his wife, but like I said that's just from my experience about men and money. You paid off a credit card with some of it already, so really you already have used some of the money to "benefit the family". If your husband says "it's your money", then leave it at that. If there is any guilt or resentment there between you and him, by all means, get it out on the table and talk about it, but use the money how your grandmother intended. She on some level was trying to have your best interests at heart based her on own experiences too.
Avatar for cl_beckymk
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:02pm

You know, I'm not really sure what I would do since the way your Grandma said it for "having money of your own" would make it difficult to use.


However, since all my money is co-mingled with DH - I don't really view most money as "mine" vs. "yours" - it's basically all ours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:13pm
No, No, No! Don't use it to pay off debt. We had exactly the same situation -- used inheritance money to pay off debt, and SOON FOUND OURSELVES RIGHT BACK IN DEBT. DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -- Pay the debt off buy cutting back, maybe way back, on extra's for yourselves. It will really teach you a lesson (not that you really need it, but we did) to pay as you go, and not use credit cards. You will change your way of looking at things and budgeting if you suffer a little in the repayment time. It's sort of like people who refinance their homes and pay off their credit cards -- only too soon to charge them up again. Then they have a SECURED debt on their house -- and their house is in jeopardy.
Just from my own experience DON'T do it. In a year or two you will have absolutely nothing to show for it -- the inheritance money will be gone and the credit cards will be charged back up.
Just my two cents.
Megan
p.s. Did you repay the 5,000.00 to yourself that you already put on the debt??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:15pm

To both Scorned33 and Becky, I agree with what both of you are saying. Since posting, I have thought about it and actually was thinking of doing 5k as Becky mentioned and keeping the rest separate. That way it will pay off the last of our cc debt, and then we can start focusing everything on our home equity. And too it will keep some for what my grandmother intended. Like you touched on, Scorned33. I love(d) my grandmother so much and I love my family so much, I just want to try to make things ok.

My parents and grandparents always have had this "mine", "yours" thing about money. That is something my husband does not subscribe to, and something I have a hard time taking into account. Thank you both for your opinions. I really appreciate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:19pm
And this is what I am thinking might happen too, exactly what you mentioned. No, the previous 5k was not paid back, we have been putting all extra to our bills.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:31pm
Candy -- I'm not suggesting that you mentally separate the inheritance into something separate from your husband -- I'm just so strongly suggesting that you do something else with it (almost anything else) EXCEPT TO PAY OFF CREDIT CARDS. When we got the inheritance from my grandmother (20,000.00 too) we paid off debt to "get a fresh start, and never to get into debt again etc) but we really didn't learn the lesson of slowly and sometimes painfully paying off the debt. I really am becoming a believer in the Dave Ramsey mantra of "pay as you go". We didn't learn it the first time OR THE SECOND TIME WE RECEIVED AN INHERITANCE, believe it or not. I just hate to see you make the same mistake. It is really hard to save up 15,000.00 or 20,000.00 just because no one is making you save it up. It is possible to pay that amount back to a credit card company tho because THEY MAKE YOU DO IT, and they punish you if you don't. I think you will have a really hard time saving that amount of money back again. There is always some really important place to put any extra dollars. I just hate to see you make the same mistakes we did.
Megan
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2006
In reply to: candytester
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 9:43pm
Megan, I really appreciate all your advice and honesty. You're right, it is hard to save money, especially when there is a needed place for the extra you DO have... as you said, cc companies *make* you pay them back; your bank account doesn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
In reply to: candytester
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:02pm

Hi,

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses to your post, but I would vote for NOT using that money. I too have my "own" money I got from my mother as a gift to me. She gave me the money in smaller amounts for my bdays etc and I saved it up. I'm married for 15 years now and I have to tell you that a few years back we almost got divorced and it was great to know that I had that back up money. Noone's marriage is divorce proof. JMHO

Good luck with whatever you decide to do:o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: candytester
Sun, 05-14-2006 - 9:39pm

I would probably consider that part of my emergency fund-money that could bail your family out in the event of job loss or something similar but not for paying off debt or just using for family stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
In reply to: candytester
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 9:28am

I would find this a difficult quandary. DH and I have a "ours" money strategy, however, we have always had some limits on what what reasonable.

I recieved a small inheritance when my grandfather passed away 6 years ago (5K) that we used to buy a tiny cottage. My kids love going there, and it is a great get away for our family. There is no way we would of had the cash to buy it otherwise. For me this was the best balance, It benifitted my family, but in a real and tangible way. For my Grandpa family was very important, and I can sense his approval as he sees the joy on my kids faces when we spend time there.

This is the same rule we used when we recieve cash or gift cards. We use that money to buy a "treat" something out of the ordinary, instead of spending it on bills or everyday expenses, i.e. groceries, stuff for kids.

Hope this helps

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