Homesick...but no jobs there (long)
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| Sun, 05-21-2006 - 2:42pm |
I know, it seems like hindsight is 20/20...I look back and realize that certain things weren't as bad as I thought they were at the time, now that I've gone through things so much worse. I know alot of it is just wishing for things to be "the way they were then", and that's not going to happen. But then alot of things are getting to me in that things are just so BIG up here, and different, and I don't know if I'm cut out to be a city girl. I came here to get a better job/career, and I've tried so hard, but can't get anything any better than a damn secretary in a company where no one gives a damn. I miss having a job where people knew me and I helped them, and it all meant something. Even this damn retail job is rediculous...people in that store that have worked there for years don't even know some other people that work there! I miss knowing and being friends with people you work with. I miss walking to the Shake Shop for ice cream, and stopping to talk to people along the way...I miss taking the work deposit to the bank and knowing all the tellers...I miss the fact that if you had an issue or problem, people actually tried to listen and help you, instead of just "following the rules"...
And I stayed after Jeremy and I split up because I thought there would be so much more opportunity here for me to date and find someone special...but even the guys up here fall into that same mentality that I talked about with work. I've talked to TONS of guys, but I haven't actually gotten to "know" any of them...even the two that I got very close to. Everyone's caught up so much in being in "life" that life just seems to pass them by. I'm tired of being a teeny tiny minnow in a huge ocean...I feel nonexistant, like I'm not worth anything...I want to be a medium sized fish in a medium sized pond again... I'm tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for anything...work and relationships...because that's the way everything up here is making me feel lately. I miss being "known"...I just don't feel like I belong here...
Truthfully, I just miss the culture of the small town living, where people didn't care about being hotstuff, and could just go about their days living and enjoying. The only thing that would make me stay here is that I might not be able to get a job there. That's why we left in the first place. But I would almost work 2 retail jobs just to be around my friends and family again, and to feel like I belong somewhere. Columbus was the "land of opportunity" for me...but I haven't found any opportunity, so there's nothing here. even if I don't find any opportunity back home, at least I have my friends and family, and the feeling of being Home.
But there are literally NO jobs where I come from, and that's my dilemma. How do I pay rent and car payment and the fines for breaking my lease here if I can't get a job? I can't just up and move without a job...
God, I was OK till I started typing this...now I'm crying my eyes out... For the first time in a year and a half, I miss home...and I don't know what to do about it...

Good luck in finding a job back close to home. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!
Love
Anne :O)
Discovery Toys
It sounds like you really would be happier moving back to your home town. I'm in a Chicago suburb, so I can relate to the whole mentality that you are talking about. Keep an eye on employers in the area where you want to move back to. Something has to come up sooner or later. Hugs - I really hope it happens for you soon.
Heather