Mymartes post -- Needs support/feedback
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| Thu, 06-01-2006 - 9:52am |
On another note......for those who don't know how we first got into debt. While I was pregnant with our twins and we lived in California, My husband had an affair w/one of his employees. We moved back to New york. He continued the affair. Our DD had a liver transplant when she was four months old. While she was in the hospital recovering from her liver transplant, my husband had to go to California on a pending court case. (He was in a car accident.) During that trip, he stayed w/her. He bought her clothes, her kids' stuff, gave her money, etc. I found out of the affair about a year after all this. Called number that constantly appeared in his cellphone bills. Finally, had the time to really look at it. Remember...I was going through the stress of my DD having a liver transplant and dealing w/two infants. We went to counseling. I asked him to leave the house, he wouldn't. I didn't push because I NEEDED HIM FINANCIALLY. He ended the affair, found out he had credit card bills for approximately $40K. Money he spent on her.
Fast foward....My twins are 4 1/2 years old. We built a house in the Poconos. However, deep down, I know I haven't forgiven him. Also he had killed my love for him. In fact, when he's away on business trips, I don't miss him. He's finally realized that I don't really love him anymore. Ever since i found out about affair, haven't been able to tell him I love him. Because I don't. Infact, he should have figured it out a long time ago. I stopped sleeping in the same bed w/him. He now wants to split up. However, he doesn't have a place to go. Supposely, he doesn't want to move into our home. I, in the other hand,want to move into the house w/or without him. My kids love the house and being there. I do too.
Sorry it's off topic, do you all think I'm crazy moving to the mountains w/my kids? He said he doesn't want a divorce, he just wants to separate.
Thanks for reading this. I still can't post a new discussion. This is the reason why I posted this here. For all of you who knows about our debt/affair, you've all helped me. This is why I feel comfortable in posting this situation on this board.
MYM
Becky mom to
Carolyn (6th), Aaron (3rd), Kyle (Kindie), Luke (2)
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Clearly you have come to the point where you have to make some decisions. But try to get a clear idea of what will happen on both the possible paths.
Hugs again,
Megan
I've had you on my mind most of the day -- I really think you need to move on emotionally and financially. Please do see a lawyer who can give you good factual advice. You have been through way too much emotionally. I just can't imagine working to pay off debt incurred by your husband for the other person. It's just too much. Hopefully your little ones are doing well. Holding you in support.
Megan
Mymartes-
What a difficult situation-would you have employment in the Poconos?
{{{MYM}}}
I'm so sorry. Life has thrown you an awful lot to deal with.
I really agree that you need some legal advice about what your options are. Separation vs. divorce, the debt and what you are and aren't responsible for, etc. I also encourage you to start doing what you need to do for yourself and let the chips fall where they may for him. He's made choices, there will be consequences. I don't think this is a mutual decision at this point. You'll have to figure out what will and won't work for you. Have you considered some counseling for yourself? I found counseling to be really helpful for me in terms of understanding more about boundaries and what those are really all about and how I have to set them and enforce them for ME not for the other person. Tough stuff but sounds like maybe it's the time you are ready to deal with it.
Keep coming back here and I hope you have some folks in real life too you can lean on.
Peg
You have been through an awful lot. You have tried so hard to keep it altogether. You have done your best, and you are a strong, admirable person. I could not have done what you have done. I would have walked away long ago.
I hope that you find strength in those around you and the encouragement that you need to get through this difficult time. I really hope things work out for you and your children.
Take care of yourself now, and your kids. Tap that inner strength of yours and do not allow yourself to be swayed while you are vulnerable. Stand tall. we are all here for you.
prayers,
Heather
Megan,
I will look into get a consultation. Usually they are free, I want to know where I stand legally. I'm just mentally feel like I'm a roller coaster.
Thanks.
MYM
Thanks again, Megan.
He said he'll take care off w/whatever we need. However, I know I still need to protect myself. He make six-figures. He's due for another raise in September.
MYM
Thanks Taleyna,
Well..the plan was to move to the Poconos. He will continue working in NYC. He will take the commuter bus and park the car in the park and ride. Therefore, probably would have needed to buy another car. The kids will go to school (kindergarten is part-time) and I would stay home. Once the kids, were in school full-time, I will continue what I have left to get my bachelor's degree.
So no, I don't have a job lined up in the Poconos. I know I need to consult w/an attorney. Need to find one that provides free consultation.
Thanks again.
MYM
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