I'm STILL finding stuff to return?!!!!
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I'm STILL finding stuff to return?!!!!
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:57am |
I can't believe that I'm STILL finding stuff with tags on it from my crazy shopping sprees.
| Fri, 06-16-2006 - 1:57am |
Laura-
That is great that you found so much to return!! I used to do that too. I would buy a bunch of stuff and then just return it the next week. I think it is important to figure out WHY you shop. I used to shop out of boredom and sometimes I shopped because I was mad at DH. It's a way to "stick" it to him because now we have more bills. I don't do that anymore...I am a "recovering" addict but realizing that went a long way. Just make sure you are totally honest with DH, no matter how hard it is at any given time.
You are on the right path! Just think, you have already returned almost 10% of your credit card debt. After you return things start looking for things you can sell...you can make it!!
LOCA
Girl, that is GOOD NEWS!
Congratulations Lara. What you are doing takes courage and your honesty about what is happening in your life is to be celebrated. My ex had a spending problem. Probably still does. I remember his spending and returning bags to the same stores you wrote about. We had a traditional marriage and he paid the bills. About 12 years ago he announced we had no money to make the mortgage payment and that's what started the ball rolling on my involvement. He had over $125,000 of consumer debt: Mervyns, Target, J C Penney, multiple Sears accounts, American Express Optima, American Express gold, and multiple Visa and MasterCard accounts. There were other store cards and gasoline cards too. Plus we had 2 car payments, multiple mortgages (rental properties) and he was paying back money he borrowed from MY parents (unbeknownst to me). All I ever had was a credit card for gasoline and there I was, with my husband filing Chapter 7 Bankruptcy. Fast forward 6 months, after the creditors closed all the credit cards he said to me, "How are we going to live without credit cards?" He had a look of fear and bewilderment on his face. I will never forget that moment. I said, "It's called living within your means. People do it every day." The concept was lost on him. He had a spending addiction that I later learned was typical of those who are bipolar. He had a psychologist and a psychiatrist but could never be honest or have the courage to accept the fact he had a problem and take positive steps to make change. Two years after the devastation of bankruptcy we were "creditworthy" and could get applications for credit cards approved. He first wanted to pull equity out of our house and I wouldn't sign papers. He had stopped working and couldn't get credit on his own and I refused to sign applications. I had to start banking separately from him or he would spend all my income. He drained out the kids college money (over $50,000 per child) and with that I filed for divorce thus ending a 28 year marriage.
So when I read your post I had to write to tell you how proud I am of you. I have lived through and know what your words really mean, the stress, upset, and yes there is a bit of shame and sadness at what has happened. But Lara YOU have turned it around with honesty, courage and the realization you want to change. Applause. Applause. For that your husband will be proud. For that you should be proud. Your friends on this board are certainly proud!
All my best wishes for continued success. I am soooooo proud of you!
Carolyn
Hugs to both of you.
Wow. You are two courageous woman for sure. Carolyn, your story is unbelievable. You are both inspiring to me!
Lauren
Good for you for taking action.
Seriously, please share with us what the psychologist says about unnecessary spending.
I find I get urges to shop when I'm unhappy or feeling "less than" somehow. There must be some biochemical "high" to spending or we would never buy what we didn't need.
Congratulations to you for taking action.
Lara,
I'm so glad you have uncovered so much stuff you can take back. Good job!
I wanted to throw out there that if you and the psychologist decide that a 12 step program like DA is appropriate for you, I really encourage you to do everything you possibly can to actually attend meetings. IMHO 12 step programs are not intended to be 'solo' things. They depend on the interaction with others. I was a participant in AlAnon for a while and can't imagine it doing much good without that interaction. I think they are awesome programs though and if you find that's what you need, it will be very powerful for you. The first few times were TOUGH to get in the door but I never once regretted making the effort.
Hang in there and know you are taking care of things and you can work it out.
Hugs!
Peg
good for you. it's the first step recognizing the problem. my hat goes off to you....for having the willpower to return the stuff. Have they been recently purchased?
MYM
Lara
Hey thanks, Lara for sharing all that information and book recommendations. I'm going to reserve them from my library right away.
Our families of origin form our opinions/attitudes far more than I tend to realize. My father was rather well off, and money was a taboo subject. We were all spoiled, but didn't realize it. I just always had everything I ever wanted. I married a man who was raised by a very miserly father. He was influenced by that too. When I was married, and a SAHM, I was expected to do all the financial "business" of the household. My ex made a fairly good income, but I was criticised for every single decision I made, but he still insisted I do it all.
I hope this therapist helps you and your family make better decisions. Good communication about the finances between spouses is the only way.
Many thanks from cupcake