Please - no apologies needed, you are being very helpful and I appreciate your time to try to help me out.
I think the hardest part is changing the behavior, and not sure that will ever happen. So I guess that's where my pain & frustration comes from. It's hard because we are in synch on pretty much everything else in our life.
We did talk about going to a financial counselor and guess whose job it was to get it set up? Do you think that has happened yet?? Of course not. It's been at least a month since we went to the credit counselor and we both decided it was a waste and what we really needed was a FC. I guess I will have to do it, but with school, I can't do it right now. But maybe I should because he's back to buying crap again. He came home yesterday with a keychain and a goofy magnet thing from his work company store. I just got a free nice keychain from a work event I went to recently (almost identical) - why did he feel the need to get another one?? I asked him why he got it, and he said he thought it was cool and "it was only $2". I wanted to scream. And he bought me the thing for my blackberry and over the weekend a speedometer/timer for my bike - he had one on his and thought I needed one (didn't). But he got it and installed it. Kinda hard to tell him to take it back at that point. I think he's trying to cheer me up and do nice things for me because I'm pretty stressed about work & school, but he forgets that I'm stressed about money too. I've been training him to use the debit card instead of credit so we don't add more debt, but still - it takes away from the funds we can use to pay the debt.
sorry, ranting. but that's why we're here. ^_^
thanks for your kind words and advice. And I did find the link to the snowball info. I will put that into play next month when I'm done with school. (yay, can't wait!!)
Yes, you are right - if I do return the gifts, that will hurt and just make things worse. I have decided that since it obviously bugs me more than him, then I have to be the "driver" on this one, and I've made the call to the financial counselor to get an appointment. I don't know what else to do to get his attention on the issue. Hopefully this time the advisor will give us a better dose of reality.
You might convey to him also something like this "honey, although I do enjoy presents, it would mean so much more to me if..." perhaps it's him cooking dinner when you've had a really hard day at work or doing some chore you've been asking him to do, etc.
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Hello, and hugs to you.
It's tough when both spouses are at complete opposite ends of the financial spectrum.
I think our stuff is so intertwined, that it would be difficult to separate at this point.
I'm sorry, I didn't explain myself clearly, but in my defense it was very late.
Your post is a recurring theme here on the board.
Please - no apologies needed, you are being very helpful and I appreciate your time to try to help me out.
I think the hardest part is changing the behavior, and not sure that will ever happen. So I guess that's where my pain & frustration comes from. It's hard because we are in synch on pretty much everything else in our life.
We did talk about going to a financial counselor and guess whose job it was to get it set up? Do you think that has happened yet?? Of course not. It's been at least a month since we went to the credit counselor and we both decided it was a waste and what we really needed was a FC. I guess I will have to do it, but with school, I can't do it right now. But maybe I should because he's back to buying crap again. He came home yesterday with a keychain and a goofy magnet thing from his work company store. I just got a free nice keychain from a work event I went to recently (almost identical) - why did he feel the need to get another one?? I asked him why he got it, and he said he thought it was cool and "it was only $2". I wanted to scream. And he bought me the thing for my blackberry and over the weekend a speedometer/timer for my bike - he had one on his and thought I needed one (didn't). But he got it and installed it. Kinda hard to tell him to take it back at that point. I think he's trying to cheer me up and do nice things for me because I'm pretty stressed about work & school, but he forgets that I'm stressed about money too. I've been training him to use the debit card instead of credit so we don't add more debt, but still - it takes away from the funds we can use to pay the debt.
sorry, ranting. but that's why we're here. ^_^
thanks for your kind words and advice. And I did find the link to the snowball info. I will put that into play next month when I'm done with school. (yay, can't wait!!)
Yes, you are right - if I do return the gifts, that will hurt and just make things worse. I have decided that since it obviously bugs me more than him, then I have to be the "driver" on this one, and I've made the call to the financial counselor to get an appointment. I don't know what else to do to get his attention on the issue. Hopefully this time the advisor will give us a better dose of reality.
Thanks for your help.
This blogger is a member of our board and she wrote on this very subject today!
DH and I
You might convey to him also something like this "honey, although I do enjoy presents, it would mean so much more to me if..." perhaps it's him cooking dinner when you've had a really hard day at work or doing some chore you've been asking him to do, etc.
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