wow I feel your pain. I used to go through that with my husband. He would always complain about money but when i asked him to do the budget with me he wouldn't. I even read Dave Ramsey's book and got it from the library so i wouldn't have to spend money. I put it in our bedroom thinking he would read it if it was close to him. He would read parts but wasn't on board. He would drive me crazy that he would say the same thing we just need to make more money but than we would make more money doing overtime and than come the weekend he would have his family over for a big BBQ that we had to pay for...All i can say is just give it tiem and keep working on it with him. Good Luck to you both
I have a man that has no interest in the looking at the money, handling the money or anything. It is not that he is a big spender except when it comes to T-paper, paper towels, or really good buys at the super market then he is the first one in line.
My husband like your I am sure in a good man but he is not interested in any money books. I have tried for the last 6 months to teach him about the bills and the money and I can't keep his interest more then 2 seconds. After all these years of handling everything I am starting to make mistakes little ones but they could cost us thousands and I really need a back up.
My advice is do your thing. And try to get some money set aside in a bank account in your name alone make him the beneficiary in case you die. Snowflake as much as you can.
Lots of women here have done this on their own, and you can too.
The important thing is really to have *priorities* aligned. If he doesn't agree with "we have to pay off this debt," find something else he *can* agree with, whether it is having money to retire on, savings so he can start his own business, savings so he can buy a new toy, or whatever it is. Then "paying off the debt" becomes one of the activities you have to do together to get to that goal.
It is hard when your husband acts like a child; mine has pulled that once or twice, and when I pointed out what *I* was doing for our family vs what *he* was doing, and told him I needed a husband, not another child, that snapped him out of it. No man wants to be told he's acting like a child. Of course, this only works if you've never told him it before. ;)
BTW, making more money is a perfectly valid way to get out of debt. You just have to not spend the additional money you make. I was already scrimping as much as I could and was never going to get out of $50K in debt by trying to save, what, an additional $100/month. I changed careers and now make 4x what I was making 4 years ago, and that's how I got our family out of debt.
My Dh was making about $37k a year and now he is making $80k and we are about 85% debt free. We have paid off a lot of stuff and also had money to invest into our house by doing small projects. Soo yes you can get out of debt with more money it just depends on how the person deals with the money. In August my Dh will be switching to a different company and he will make twice what he is making now. Since we have a lot of our debt paid down we will work on our mortgage...boy would I love to get better things but I just don't want the debt anymore.
I agree with all the posters that making more money will help you get out of debt faster, taking a second job or whatever; however, be aware that many people who make more also spend more. You have to be dedicated that the additional funds will go towards debt repayment or it won't happen.
A reasonable goal might be: I'll take a second job for the next 6 months, which will earn me an additional $500/month to get rid of this $3000 debt and then move on to the next goal. It all depends on your family, though.
I agree with you. Some people will take on more debt with more money coming in each month. After living paycheck to paycheck for awhile I learned that it sucks and decided to pay off debt. Soo far soo good :)
Amen to that - you can't just up the lifestyle along with the income! When I could see my income starting to increase, there were controls I eased up on, so we definitely spend more money now on things like eating out, dates, clothes, etc. On the other hand, I've tried really hard not to *commit* to any recurring expenses (we could stop eating out and buying clothes at any point if we had to). We bought a new car, but we were going to have to do that anyway, and when we bought a house, we bought one well within our means (our mortgage/taxes are less than 10% of my income annually). We are going on a European vacation this year, but we have warned the kids not to expect that this will happen again; same thing with 16yo DD's class trip to Europe that she went on in March. The only thing we've committed to is private school for my 16yo DD, and even that was because she only has two years left before graduation, so it's not a long-term commitment.
I also identified how we could shave thousands off what we currently spend each month, and still get by, so if my business fell off my half, we'd still be ok.
Previous posters have made good points. One thing that may "get through" to him, is to show him the "Drive Free" video. It's fairly entertaining and shows the guys how to get the car they want, while not spending a huge amount on payments every month.
Also, your husband is what Dave Ramsey calls the "free spirit". He isn't necessarily being irresponsible, but he doesn't want to get into the nitty gritty of the bills, the debt numbers, etc. My husband is the free spirit in our relationship too.
I would suggest signing you both up for a Financial Peace University course. It's once a week, involves both spouses, and is likely to get your husband's attention more than say, reading the book. You are more aware of what's going on with your finances because you're paying the bills.
It is possible to get out of debt without your husband's agreement, and people have done so. However, it's easier if you are both working toward the same goals.
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I have a man that has no interest in the looking at the money, handling the money or anything. It is not that he is a big spender except when it comes to T-paper, paper towels, or really good buys at the super market then he is the first one in line.
My husband like your I am sure in a good man but he is not interested in any money books. I have tried for the last 6 months to teach him about the bills and the money and I can't keep his interest more then 2 seconds. After all these years of handling everything I am starting to make mistakes little ones but they could cost us thousands and I really need a back up.
My advice is do your thing. And try to get some money set aside in a bank account in your name alone make him the beneficiary in case you die. Snowflake as much as you can.
My DH at least agrees with our budget and helps
Lots of women here have done this on their own, and you can too.
The important thing is really to have *priorities* aligned. If he doesn't agree with "we have to pay off this debt," find something else he *can* agree with, whether it is having money to retire on, savings so he can start his own business, savings so he can buy a new toy, or whatever it is. Then "paying off the debt" becomes one of the activities you have to do together to get to that goal.
It is hard when your husband acts like a child; mine has pulled that once or twice, and when I pointed out what *I* was doing for our family vs what *he* was doing, and told him I needed a husband, not another child, that snapped him out of it. No man wants to be told he's acting like a child. Of course, this only works if you've never told him it before. ;)
BTW, making more money is a perfectly valid way to get out of debt. You just have to not spend the additional money you make. I was already scrimping as much as I could and was never going to get out of $50K in debt by trying to save, what, an additional $100/month. I changed careers and now make 4x what I was making 4 years ago, and that's how I got our family out of debt.
Kelly
I agree with all the posters that making more money will help you get out of debt faster, taking a second job or whatever; however, be aware that many people who make more also spend more. You have to be dedicated that the additional funds will go towards debt repayment or it won't happen.
A reasonable goal might be: I'll take a second job for the next 6 months, which will earn me an additional $500/month to get rid of this $3000 debt and then move on to the next goal. It all depends on your family, though.
Dee
Ugh, I am sorry.
Amen to that - you can't just up the lifestyle along with the income! When I could see my income starting to increase, there were controls I eased up on, so we definitely spend more money now on things like eating out, dates, clothes, etc. On the other hand, I've tried really hard not to *commit* to any recurring expenses (we could stop eating out and buying clothes at any point if we had to). We bought a new car, but we were going to have to do that anyway, and when we bought a house, we bought one well within our means (our mortgage/taxes are less than 10% of my income annually). We are going on a European vacation this year, but we have warned the kids not to expect that this will happen again; same thing with 16yo DD's class trip to Europe that she went on in March. The only thing we've committed to is private school for my 16yo DD, and even that was because she only has two years left before graduation, so it's not a long-term commitment.
I also identified how we could shave thousands off what we currently spend each month, and still get by, so if my business fell off my half, we'd still be ok.
Congratulations on paying off 85% of your debt!
Kelly
Hello,
Previous posters have made good points. One thing that may "get through" to him, is to show him the "Drive Free" video. It's fairly entertaining and shows the guys how to get the car they want, while not spending a huge amount on payments every month.
Try playing it for him:
http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/lms/drive_free/
Also, your husband is what Dave Ramsey calls the "free spirit". He isn't necessarily being irresponsible, but he doesn't want to get into the nitty gritty of the bills, the debt numbers, etc. My husband is the free spirit in our relationship too.
I would suggest signing you both up for a Financial Peace University course. It's once a week, involves both spouses, and is likely to get your husband's attention more than say, reading the book. You are more aware of what's going on with your finances because you're paying the bills.
It is possible to get out of debt without your husband's agreement, and people have done so. However, it's easier if you are both working toward the same goals.
Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke
Geeks on Tap: Mission Accomplished
Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke
Geeks on Tap: Mission Accomplished
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