Hiding from husband - NEED HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Hiding from husband - NEED HELP!
11
Wed, 07-02-2008 - 2:04pm

I just discovered your message boards yesterday and I am so relieved. I just got "discovered" hiding debt from my husband in the tune of $28,000. He knew about $12,000 of it. He isn't speaking to me (it's been 3 days now) and while I understand he is hurt and emotional he is now acting as if our life is over. While I am glad to be relieved of the hiding of the debt I am also glad because this means we need to start MAKING CHANGES.


He tells me that we will lose our house. We have always made our house payment and at least the minimum on our credit cards just fine. I am not worried about losing our house. He now tells me he will never trust me again. I deserve that but am heartbroken. He tells me I should be ashamed to look my kids in the eye because I have failed them and him.


I am crushed. Although I know I did this to us (except for the initial $12,000 in cc debt that he was a part of) I don't feel like I am a failed mother and person. I am looking for assurance that I am not terrible. He tells me I am a terrible person and a failure. He's never spoken like that to me before.


While I want to make changes and fix this and cut corners and perhaps take a second job (I work part time on MWF now and don't work at my job full time b/c of day care. We don't pay for day care) but I am willing and WANT to get a night job to help fix this.


I told my husband I'd stand by him if he wanted to stick by me through all of this. He said our relationship is over and our marriage is done. I know I deserve that but sometimes I think IT'S MONEY! We have so much more to be strong about. We have two sweet little kids. I do not think I've failed them and I do think I am a good mother.


THanks for listening. xoxo to all.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Mon, 07-07-2008 - 12:25pm

Thank you ALL SO MUCH for you replies and encouragement. I am in tears reading these posts because I know everyone spoke with their hearts and my heart goes out to all of us.


dietcokegirl - did you tell your husband Saturday and if so - what did he say? How are you?


My husband is SOOOOOOOOOO much better even a week out of our talk. At first he involved my mom (something I don't think is her business) and even though we are close (my mom and I) I was ashamed she knew about my debt business. However, she has been supportive and even helped calm my DH down by telling him this is "fixable" and to control his anger at me because that is not going to fix this. I am grateful to her for that. My husband has since expressed how hurt he is and I sit back and tell him he has EVERY right to be hurt. When he says that I remind him about how sorry I am but I also tell him I feel a huge sene of relief now.


He KNOWS about this and we are making changes to fix it. We have cancelled our at home water service and have both cut out all spending except gas and groceries. It's a good feeling. I know we need to do more (I am looking at a second night job) and my dh has chances for overtime so it'll be a long road but it is a great relief to know we are making changes.


I fully told my dh he need to keep me in check. I do not know if I'm an addict or what but I need to be accountable from here on out. I have a friend at work who holds me accountable here at work and I have my DH at home.


Thank you ALL for your help and kind words. I know this is a long tiring road ahead but I'm eager to fix this once and for all. I want my kids to be in a home where their parents aren't hiding this kind of stuff from each other.

Pages