Help me say NO!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Help me say NO!!
6
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 12:51pm

So its coming..........the first work fuction since I decided to say NO to office money giving in the office. A girl is getting married in September and they are planning a shower for her in August. My office is great - the women I work with are wonderful and sweet but they are MONEY SUCKING HOUNDS! Every time I turn around its $10 here for this girls b-day gift cert and $10 here for a baby shower gift and so on and so forth.


I love working with close people but there MUST be an end. I added up and last year I gave over $300 to gifts and donations in my office. I can't afford that b/c I only work PART TIME. I need that money for me.


So, usually it goes out in an email. How do I reply? Here's my other concern - one of the women I work with appears (I know things are never quite as they appear......) to always have money and she always asks me what I gave. We are a clique of girls here and I just gave $10 to a b-day (my final contribution to this office.) When my "friend" asked what I gave and I said $10 she snottingly said "oh, I always give $20." She made me feel like crap.


I have two small kids and just can't afford to do this anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2008
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 4:56pm

This one is so hard for me, I'm in the same boat.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 5:14pm

I don't know if this will work but give it a try.


Just tell them that if you are invited to the shower you will bring your own gift instead of pitching in money. Then go to your nearest Goodwill store or consignment store and pick out something for a couple of dollars I found this beautiful vase not long ago in the thrift store for 3.00 Wrap it up and take something like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Wed, 07-23-2008 - 5:44pm

As you seem to already suspect, the snotty-comment woman is NOT your friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 8:46am

For a baby shower, rather than money, how about making your own gift certificate good for a couple hours of baby-sitting or something like that? It would probably mean more to the recipient who is getting tons of stuff that she may not even want or need. Your


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 2:02pm

I had this SAME problem when I was working....every other month, someone was getting married or having a baby and I felt like I was expected to give $25 or more. I have an embroidery machine, so I started bringing my own gifts....embroidered towels, bibs, burp cloths, etc. The recipients loved the personal touch and I spent $10 or less on materials.

I say bring your own gift if you feel obligated to give at all.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 07-24-2008 - 5:30pm

Beepsmom,


First, good for you for saying "no" to the office money grabbers. You know, I like my coworkers, and I enjoy going to work every day. However, I have made it known while I'm up for a limited gift expense for say Christmas, I'm not doing every bday, baby, wedding, etc.


I think you just don't respond to the email asking for a donation to the latest thing. If the originator asks why you aren't contributing I'd be prepared to say something like, "It's not in my budget." Just that, nothing more. Don't try to explain or defend your decision to not contribute. You'll probably get the emails in the future and again you might be asked why you're not contributing. Again just state simply, "It's not in my budget." Leave it at that. You have a family to care for and they are your first priority.


Secondly, I wouldn't volunteer information to this other coworker. If she asks in the future what you gave for something again be prepared with a quick one statement answer like, "That's private." And leave it at that. She's just being nosy and she's obviously competiting with others. Who cares? If she wants to give more, let that be her choice and don't you feel one iota different about your decision.


Sometimes people have no lives outside of work. Their jobs and coworkers become their entire existance (and sometimes that can't be helped because we spend so much time at work!), but you do have a life outside of work and that's your priority.


So steel yourself and just be ready to provide your one phrase answers. Then smile and walk away!


Good luck,