What will you pay for?
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| Thu, 08-14-2008 - 5:39pm |
Starting a new topic through Kelly's suggestion on OT: Bridesmaid Dress, the topic being what do you, as parents (if you are), plan to pay for when it comes to your children. College? Wedding? First car? First house?
DH and I have this discussion often. Because our kids are so close in age, we'll probably help DS finance his first clunker of a car in return that he takes his sister places, helps with errands, etc. It was how my parents did things for me and my five siblings and it worked pretty well. We had to pay for gas and cover insurance payments, so I'd like to stick with that plan of action, too.
As for college, I was a scholarship kid with everything not covered handled by my parents. DH was all student loans, which we finally paid off in December. I'd like to pay for our kids' education, at least their bachelor degree. It is so hard just starting out when you are 22 that I can't imagine being saddles with thousand of student loan debt, too. Both kids have college fund which we will contribute more to once the economy stabilizes and our CC debt is paid off. The plan is to just out what we pay now in CC payments in kids' college accounts and our savings ...
With one daughter and one son, I'd like to think we'll help with weddings, although it's hard to look that far ahead into the future. As for down payment on a house, I'm going to say no. There comes a time when everyone needs to grow up and I think that's it. My best friend since pre-school has never had to pay for anything on her own. Her parents, like mine, paid for college, but they also paid her bills every month (rent, car, credit card -- I was on my own for that). When she couldn't keep a job she liked, her dad attached a gift shop to his business and now she runs that, but her heart isn't in it. Still, because she can take off whenever she wants for social activities, she stays. Even her house was purchased by her parents. She complains that they but into her life too much, but with them footing the bill for everything, they kind of have the right. I think she'll be happier when she grows up and gets out on her own, if she ever does, but that's me.
There's my two cents. Anyone else?
Meredith

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We bought each of the girls a car when they turned 16 (nice used cars).
hmmm...honestly I have not given this much thought. We are currently saving a bit for the education of our girls. They are 3 and 6. Once we have our debt paid off, we will try putting away more. Our priority after paying of CC debt is to pay off the house. We have already (and have for more than a year) accelerated our payments. We are scheduled to have the house paid off when our youngest is 15. So, that will give us some time, mortgage free to save as well. If we are able to finance most of the education for our kids we will. It would be nice to have them graduate without a student loan. But, it they need one to get through, we will help them as much as we can. Beyond that, I am not sure. I think when I start considering these things, I get overwhelmed. So, I am on one day at a time mode.
Tara
I'm speaking in past tense since those days are (thankfully) behind us.
Interesting topic and something to think about as my kids are 13, 10, 8. Since our finances took such a hit with me being laid off last year and we have amassed such a huge debt load as I try to work for myself I guess I am in denial about things much further down the road than next month. I have talked to my son about his saving half for a car and we would pay the other half. My husband and I both paid for our own college many years ago but I went to really cheap (and crappy) college and he went to an Ivy League school on a full ride scholarship. I, too, hate to think of them coming out of school with huge debt but I can't imagine having the kind of money to pay tuition. I'd love to have a college fund for each of them but most of our money right now is just trying to maintain and reduce debt. We will help them the best we can.
As far as the house downpayment you have hit a nerve with me. My only thought on that is we will be even and fair what ever we do. I have worked since I was 17 and struggled to rise in my career. I was never good with money and often got in over my head but always got myself out and have always earned a good salary. My brother, the "brain" of the family has always worked far below his potential and quit many jobs. He has multiple advanced degrees but no money. A few years ago my father sold some property and promised to split the money between us. He then changed his mind and said he would give my brother his half (actually more) so he could buy a house. Makes sense but what galled me was he said we didn't need any money because we had a ncie house and were doing "fine." When I lost my job he told us to just "tighten our belts." No one in my family has ever helped us or even offered to help even through the hard times. My guess is the money he was "holding" for us is now gone. I can't help but be resentful and I never want my kids to feel that way about each other or us.
As far as weddings I think they can pay for those. I got married late so the idea that my parents would pay seemed silly. Plus by then I knew better. I paid for the whole thing and it was lovely and small. Boy do I sound bitter. Don't mean to but family and money is a very sore subject for me. Jenny
My 13 year old DD and I were talking about this last night sort of.
Hey, thanks for asking the question! I'm enjoying reading the responses, because they tell so much about what our "hot buttons" are, as well as our history.
COLLEGE: I want our kids to be able to go to the right colleges for them. College, to me, is not about just taking classes and getting a degree, it's finding the environment that helps you become the adult you are meant to be. I'm influenced in this by: (1) having DD#1 in Catholic high school, where she is happier than she ever was in public school; (2) having gone to a public university, which was a top public school but still had no alumni network and a high proportion of students whose parents sent them there because they didn't want to waste money on private school; and (3) seeing how well-adjusted my young colleagues are, who went to small private colleges and clearly blossomed in them because the colleges "fit" - they didn't just confer a degree.
I don't mean my kids have to go to expensive private liberal arts colleges. But if it's the right thing for them, I want to be able to send them there. We won't get any financial aid ourselves, so we will be paying for college. I will expect the kids to pay maybe $5000 a year for it. I don't want them to be crushed with debt starting out, and have to choose to do something mercenary to pay off student loans, but after polling my young colleagues, they all agreed with me that it is better for kids to have to invest *something* in their education, because then they own it.
Grad school, no. They're on their own for that.
CARS: we'll probably buy them. Rather, the kids will get my car, and I'll get a new one. Safety is my #1 concern with cars. I don't want them driving an old Ford Focus in the snow just because it was cheap.
HOUSE: DH and I made the mistake of not buying a house before having kids. Then once we had kids, there was no money for a house! The only reason we have one is that my parents were able to loan us the down payment. I would love to be able to give the kids $25,000 each towards the down payment for a house. That way, they still have to save a significant amount, but it would accelerate their being able to buy one, and, I hope, motivate them to do so.
WEDDING: I hope we can contribute something, but I won't be spending $25,000 (which I understand is the national average these days!). Maybe $5000 to help them out, but like someone else said, I don't want them planning an extravaganza for one day. My girls are so not into frou-frou that I can't imagine that happening, but they're only teenagers, who knows what they'll want when/if they get married.
Kelly
We plan on helping ds get his first car (just something to get him from point a to point b).
Unfortunately, I think the kids are on their own for 90% of the stuff.
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
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