Green Eyed Monster

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Green Eyed Monster
59
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:45am

I just came home from preschool orientation for my daughter and I want to cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 11:56am

I saw this post on the front page of ivillage and had to respond. My son, who is 15 months old, just started a Moms' Day Out program at a church literally down the street from where we live. I went to the Parents' Night before the term began, and immediately felt out place-- I didn't know anyone else, they all seemed to know each other, I was dressed in nice jeans and a sweater, they were all still in their dressy work clothes, etc. I felt about twelve years old again, you know? And I've continued to have that feeling when I drop him off and pick him up-- I'm wearing SAHM clothes (not sweats, but capris, jeans, polos, etc.) and they're all dressed for work; I pick Keenan up but the other kids have nannies that get them, etc. My son wears play clothes-- denim shorts, rompers, etc.-- but the other kids are wearing john-johns with smocking or $60 dresses and white sandals. It does bother me, not b/c I don't want these other moms/nannies thinking poorly of me, but b/c I don't want the teachers and staff to look down on my son. Luckily, I haven't gotten that vibe from *anyone*, moms or teachers or anyone in the preschool/MDO program. That makes me think that all the worries are my own issue, my own insecurity, not the result of what anyone else is actually thinking or feeling.


I know that you're working on paying off your debt and increasing your savings, but would it be possible for you to buy something nice for yourself? I second the consignment store suggestions. I have one nice purse, by Prada. A friend of mine received it as a gift, didn't want it, and gave it to me. I love it not just for the brand but for the design, and when I carry that purse I feel like a million bucks. Just one purchase or item like that can change your attitude and confidence level. (Don't go overboard, of course!)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 1:11pm
I have to be in the minority and agree with you sweetie. It is irritating when the other people all show up with glittery pretty new things and you have nothing, yet are STILL in debt. Hey, I would like something to show for my hopeless mess, thank you very much. I don't have any food in my cupboard and still can't pay my car payment. These people may have debt, but at least a lot of them are living decently. I have three teenagers putting constant pressure on me about things I need to buy them, and I have no money for it. I have a husband who has no clue how much things really cost, or how quickly these things add up. He told me he wants to pay the bills, but he has no clue.
True, SOME of these people probably owe a lot of money, but at least some of them have things to show for it. I just want a full cupboard of groceries, be able to make my car payment on my modest vehicle,pay my utilities and maybe have some money for gas since it costs so freaking much. I don't think that is too much to ask. Personally I think these people flaunting all their stuff should have to live a day in someone else's shoes. Let them wonder about where they are going to get the money for school clothes.....oh, that's right, they have credit cards to put that stuff on, so that when they have to buy them, they don't have to NOT pay their car payment. These people probably never have to worry about putting food on the table or basic stuff, they just waste their money on pretty things and fancy cars. So I think it's okay to be jealous of them maybe, but not for the petty stuff. Think about the basics and always realize there is someone worse off than you. I don't even have Walmart Capris or a $10 purse. LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 1:19pm

Hi Everyone,


I'm new to this site and this group.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 1:31pm

What everyone is saying about people being in debt is totally right. Everyone "wants it all", but some people put their futures and families at risk but managing their finances irresponsibly, and all for appearances sake. My hubby comes from a well-off family. His parents are multi-millionaires, but you would never know it. They live in an 800 sq ft condo in a very average neighborhood and drive older cars. They rarely shop, and when they do, it is at discount stores, and never buy anything that is not on sale. They are thrifty when they don't have to be, because that is how you get rich and

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:19pm
It sounds like you definitely know what the most important things in life are. The key is to keep focusing on that. When the green-eyed monsters rears it's head, just remember, some people are always going to have more than you, and many will always have less.

-----------------------------------

"You get what you settle for"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:39pm
"Stuff" eventually becomes older, "stuff" breaks, "stuff" gives temporary satisfaction, but a good strong family bond with love and faith and fun times spent together can last lifetimes....not just your lifetime, but your children's lifetime, and then their children's, and so-on...like a legacy of love, NOT
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2008
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 3:43pm

Hi Hilari,


I was reading your post and the thing of the matter is that the things you want in life is

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 6:05pm

hi. i'd like to suggest this book: simple abundance a daybook of comfort and joy by sarah ban breathnach

i read it everyday but it will help even better when one has internal dealings

the foreword says:
often people attempt to live their lives backwards: they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want so that the will be happier. the way it actually works is the reverse. you must first be who you really are, and then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. (margaret young)

i guarantee you'll treasure this book

******* Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves. Henri Frederic Amiel
Avatar for sweetviolets
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Thu, 09-04-2008 - 7:21pm

I noticed that you mentioned, almost as an afterthought, that you had paid down $25K in debt over 8 months.


That is a tremendous achievement!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 6:56am

Dear Green Eyed Monster,


I read your post by chance and I normally don't comment much, but I felt


like responding! Though I don't have any children yet, I recognize those feelings


of jealousy! But you shouldn't be ashamed of these feelings, you should use these


feelings to try and turn things around for yourself. Sometimes someone else seems


to have it all, well guess what? You can have it all too, it just depends how you interpret


"having it all". You can buy cute stuff on a low budget, just as long as you put an effort in it.


And who cares about a cheaper car, as long as you step out of that car will self-confidence and a


smile, nobody will even notice. And trust me, lots of rich ladies would love to be more laid-back and


chilled out than having to keep up "perfect" appearances the whole time, no matter how nice they are.


Besides, men love laid-back women who take good care of their looks as well! Trust me, people feel more


drawn toward people who look relaxed ad happy (no matter what they're wearing or what they drive). So my Dutch-down-earth advice to you is: don't stress because that just makes you a mess. If you tell yourself each morning you have it all in the mirror, it'll help build a more positive attitude toward everything you do in the day. and this will also reflect on your children...children are smart, they'll sense it if their mom is insecure. My mom could wear the cheapest outfits and make them look good just because she had a calm smile on her face all day.


And maybe take some extra time each day for some extra self-pampering to build some self-esteem. Even if it's painting your toenails a hot pink color or trying a new blush! Make sure you show confidence in front of your children. If you park you car far away, they'll suddenly think that they have something to be ashamed of, and kids should never have this feeling!


Good luck!