Green Eyed Monster

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2006
Green Eyed Monster
59
Fri, 08-29-2008 - 10:45am

I just came home from preschool orientation for my daughter and I want to cry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 11:33am

I have to agree with your husband and the other posters, but I understand how you feel. I work at my friends dance studio and spend a lot of time listening to

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 12:52pm
Hi, EH--Well, I agree with the other ladies. You never know what kind of problems that the Yadda Prada has. Although they look polished and together in their expensive outfits, bling rings, painted faces, and lacquered hair, they may have blown everything at the casino, be up to their eyeballs in debt, have children who are clamouring for love and attention, and a spouse who is tethered to the job. I see that in some of the people I work with. Driving fancy cars, McMansion houses, but the in-laws live with them, and subsidize their lifestyle. And, of course, these folks work two and three jobs, so the in-laws, aunts, etc. watch the kids. Why pay megabucks for a fancy outfit when you can get a knockoff look for half that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 1:49pm
I think it's important to point out that you can feel better about your own situation without devaluing someone else's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2007
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 2:57pm
Hi!
Starla
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 3:52pm

Hi Hilari,I truelly understand how you feel.Your feeling like you dont fit in.I may be able to help you out a little with frugal fashion ideas.I dont have alot of money yet I look like I do.Number one get a great trendy hair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 6:15pm
Hi I completely understand your feelings toward these women.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 7:19pm
I completely understand how you feel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 7:55pm
Although the grass might seem greener in your neighbor's yard, consider that most people are mortgaged to the hilt, have huge car payments, are undersaving for college, have not started saving for retirement, do not have enough life insurance, etc. etc. I heard a wonderful financial advisor on NPR once who made a statement I repeat to my (teenagers)when they whine about what I don't give them: "If its on your ass, it's not an asset". In addition, those might be CZs set in 14k and those expensive handbags could be rented (www.frombagstoriches.com; www.bagborrowsteal.com). Just be confident in your financial plan and happy in your own skin!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 10:48am
They're probably in debt up to their eyeballs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 4:13pm

Hilari,

Please remember that we have all been there - felt the way you do. At least I have . It is really hard when others have so much more than you do - even if it's all 'fake.' The fact is, it may or may not be, but that's not the point. I am someone who would be considered 'having it all', and we are very fortunate (for the time being.) There is always someone who has more than we do, and I have felt the same way you do. I also envy people who live in smaller houses with less to keep up and more family time. Their husbands often tend to be home more and involved in kids activities. Their families are defined more by togetherness rather than stuff and vacations. Life can be simpler when there are less choices, and I have found that people with less means tend to be much more resourceful than I am. Sometimes, I am embarrassed around them as they seem so much more self reliant and undefined by 'status.'

Just remember, who you are is not what you have or don't have. You are who you are at your core. When you feel sad, also remember that it is putting yourself and even your DH down as he is doing the best he can professionally. And when you feel sad, remember that you are human, and we have all been there. Having kids adds another dimension to the jealousy, because, let's face it, we want only the best for our kids. We want our kids to have the same opportunities as everyone else's kids. Guaranteed, if you weren't a mother, you wouldn't care so much about the other mommies and what they have. It would just be you and your hubby doing our thing.

You might want to check out The New Earth, the recent Oprah book that talks about the human ego, and living from a place of total peace and acceptance of yourself. It has really given me a wake up call. Once you get past the jealousy, you may find that you make great friends with some of the moms who have so much. You have so much to. The best things in life really are free. Oh, and don't be too hard on yourself. That won't help a thing.

Best of luck in this struggle.
Darcy