Old, bad habits
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| Wed, 09-24-2008 - 10:11am |
Holidays are starting to renew some old habits I've been very good at pushing down. First off, I am an early Christmas shopper. My "problem" lies in that I find a gift and I HAVE To purchase it right then because my mindset is that what if its gone next time I go to search for it? Because of this I have been buying a lot of things and we have been tight with our money.
We aren't resorting to credit cards - they are not being used under any circumstances. But, it just puts us short on having any extra cash or such until payday. These are old habits I used to fall into but I guess right now I can JUSTIFY them in my head because I'm telling myself they are for gifts and for the holiday.
I just find myself seeing presents for people and getting the impulse that I MUST PURCHASE THEM NOW!! Why do I do this?
Also, I need to really work on coming to terms with the fact that some people in my life are going to get ONE gift. I am an overspender, overgifter. Maybe b/c people give my kids 3 or 4 gifts (I'm talking my mom and sister here) but I feel that I have to get them numerous gifts. I can't just get my sister a calendar. I feel I have to get her 2 or 3 other things. All adding up to more money than I'd like to spend but she does it for me. It's exhausting. How do you guys deal with this?

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I do the same thing.
I "just say no" - to myself and others.
NO to giving gifts to "keep up," NO to people wanting to give me gifts, NO to buying gifts that I think someone just has to have, NO to buying gifts too far in advance.
We live in a capitalist society that produces everything we need and more than we could possibly want. There will always be more "stuff" to give when you need to - manufacturers will make it, and retailers will sell it to you. Odds are good you will find the same thing later, or something even better. More stuff will be available closer to Christmas, and it will cost less, so there is no need to buy it now.
I have been the leading advocate in DH's family for reducing the number of Christmas presents. The kids get one gift each from their grandparents. Once the nieces & nephews are out of high school, they don't get presents from their aunts & uncles anymore. Nobody liked this idea 10 years ago, but I brought it up a few more times, and now everyone is happier that they don't have to shop so much and Christmas day is low-stress. We can all focus on having fun together, rather than obsessing over how many presents we're giving.
I don't give presents to my nieces & nephews, who are grown. My poorest sister gives nothing to anyone. My wealthiest sister gives multiple presents to each of us, and we thank her and that is that. If she wants to do it because it makes her happy (which it does), great. If she thought she should get things in return, we'd set her straight, but she is just a sweet and generous person. We accept her generosity for what it is, and don't feel guilty about it.
All it takes is for one person in the family to make a big fuss, and then everyone else is buying presents out of guilt and spending too much on things no one really needs. Likewise, all it takes is for one person in the family to say "enough is enough, I love you without presents," and oftentimes others are happy to go along with that idea and be relieved of the need to spend, spend, spend their way through Christmas.
Kelly
Thanks for your thoughts everyone.
Kelly,
I hear what you are saying but we have a lot of little kids in our family. There is no way I would NOT buy for them. As for my mom and my sister - they are the only two I do feel "pressure" or obligation to buy a lot for. Maybe because they babysit a lot for me during the year and I don't pay them.
My "problem" with buying gifts closer to the holiday is I am not good at saving money for them. I buy a few gifts per paycheck now and then I have them done. If I wait and get it closer to xmas it MIGHT be cheaper but I don't usually save up for them and then I am slammed with more gift money than I can afford.
I need to work on this. THank you all for your two cents.
It's hard not to just buy things as I see them. I worry that we won't find a nice present later. But I do look forward to going Christmas shopping in a few months with Dh's wallet full of cash and ticking things off of a list. To me, that will be fun. If we do it all in a day, Dh will come. And then he can pick out his family's gifts, and they will appreciate that. And we can have lunch out. I try to remind myself that this is a nicer way to do things, both for our budget and so that we don't miss anyone.
We get gifts for his parents, our sisters, and my cousins' children. We usually get two gifts for each adult; one bigger gift and one smaller gift. For the kids we buy books or an article of clothing.
In my family we also do a draw - all the cousins and aunts and uncles get one person that they give a gift to. This is sometimes tricky, because no one needs anything anymore.
I forget who on the board mentioned this - Robyn or Bex? - anyway, she has multiple ING accounts set up with regular, automatic deductions. One of them is for Christmas, her version of the old-fashioned "Christmas Club" account. I think it's an excellent idea. If the money is building up during the year, then you know you'll have it when Christmas comes, and you can stick to a budget for Christmas spending.
I totally understand giving presents to small children (DH and I have 10 nieces & nephews, and we always gave them presents until they got to high school or college). That's most of the fun of Christmas shopping! And if there are people in your life who do special things for you, of course you want to be thoughtful with the presents you give them. I guess what I was interpreting was that you felt you needed to give presents from guilt, so if I was incorrect, sorry about that.
Hope the Christmas savings fund idea helps a little.
Kelly
Not sure how squeezed you are for time to do things, but was going to suggest maybe giving something you make or pull together. I looked at your name and it said you do scrapbooking.
Hi there! As one of the PP mentioned, I have 5 ING accounts going (makes me feel better to easily see where my money is!) and one of them is a "Gift" fund. Every pay check money is funnelled into my various ING accounts ($15 goes to gift). Its not much but if puts about $400 a year in there. Then, any other time I have extra money (that isn't accounted for, lol) I add it to my fund.
Bex -
We have a rule in the family- only buy for kids. Once you turn 18 (if you aren't in school) you get a card. It has been that way for ages. Of course the Grandparents still send me money and I'm 27. I buy one gift each for my niece and nephews but try to make things for my parents. They like craftiness more than commercialism.
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