I'm soo ready -- How to get DH on board?
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| Sat, 11-01-2008 - 12:35am |
After years of living with debt I'm gung ho about FINALLY taking charge. We recently bought a new house, are expecting baby #3 and are both successfully working and raising a beautiful family. Our main issue is cc debt. DH and I have both always had cc. He put himself through college on them, and I started during college. Our big "mistake" was when I quit my job when our ds was born 6 years ago. We thought we would put "a few months worth" onto cards and we would soon be able to pay them off. That was $20,000 ago... Though I've gone back to work, it's funny how that $$ never seemed to materialize to pay things off! Yet we bought furniture, TVs, etc. We took out a line on our last home, which we were able to pay off with the sale of the house, so that's helped, although our mortgage is higher now.
I've done a ton of research, have our budget and list of bills done, but my enthusiasm and committment hasn't been shared by dh. He thinks "everyone has debt" and it isn't that big of a deal. I've shown him the numbers and while he seems interested in paying things down, it certainly isn't a priority. But now I've got the bug and want to see these bills start to disappear. I know we can do it -- I just hate to have to do it alone.
Anyone have advise for getting dh on board? Is it impossible to do without him???

It is not impossible to do this without him - but it certainly is a much, much slower process if you are both working toward opposite goals.
Unfortunately I think what you will hear from most of us here on the board is that your significant other will come around in his own time on his own terms.
All my best,
Danni
I think Danni's reply nailed it.
I guess I would be the other side of coin. for the last 40 years I have handled the money in our family on my own. There are some wives
My experience is this...I handle the day-to-day finances in our house. DH is not really concerned about paying down the debt, but he is OK with me paying the bills. So...when he gets paid I pay the bills and see what is left-over. Now I don't tell him how much is left-over unless he asks. Instead I will say, "How much money do you want me to leave in your account?" He tells me, and I take the rest to put on debt or save for a special expense. If we have a small paycheck I will tell him, "Hey we have a tight week here, all I can give you for spending money is x." He trusts me to be responsible with our surpluses, and I don't betray that trust.
Dh does tend to give himself a fairly big allowance (about $50 per week). So sometimes I can't pay down as much as I would like. However, by letting him set the amount of his own allowance, it keeps us from fighting about money. Last week he took $70 for his allowance, but I was able to wipe out a $400 medical bill. We both stay happy this way! Clearly this only works if your income provides "extra". If you are struggling to make the minimums, it won't do to let the DH set his own fun-money! Anyway, that's what we do in my house,
Marissa
It isn't impossible to do it without him. My DH was a tough one to get on board too. He kept saying we just had to make more money. I'd show him books and articles from financial advisors who say it isn't what you make, it's how you spend it. We also discovered, over the course of the past couple years, that his attitude toward money was very different than mine. My family lived (and continues to live) a very simple life, paying for what they can afford. His family was (and is) wealthier and their attitude is "spend it like ya got it". What is interesting is that my MIL, now 75, is still working and doesn't want to. My DF retired early and never looked back.
Anyway, I did all the charts and graphs and showed DH the budget each month. We tracked every penny, which was tough because of his attitude, and I encouraged him to take over the bill paying. In short, we still struggle with this. I now have an "allowance" that I take out for DH to spend every 2 weeks, no questions asked; but, he has to make it last!
Just keep plugging along and show him what you're doing. Give him some fun money if you can (I got that idea from ladies on the board and really think it saved the day). In fact, we did an exchange: I need your credit card, but you can have this $100. Why would he need the CC
My DH is on board but I noticed that if I said NO to something - he wouldn't "want" it as much. Lately my DH has been bugging me for new cell phones. I told him my cell phone is fine and if HE wanted a new one - it would have to be his b-day gift. Know what? He dropped it. No more talk of new cell phones.
Just last week DH said we should look into remote start for our cars. I told him my car was just fine. I am not getting remote start but if HE wanted it - then we could make that his xmas gift. He muttered "that's ok no worries" and I know he will drop it.