Feeling like the only one...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Feeling like the only one...
16
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 5:09pm

I work in an office with many very nice ladies. One of the women in the office suggested instead of buying gifts for each other (I usually bake for everyone and get a few women - closer friends - 4 ladies a small gift) that we go to dinner together instead and spend time together. While this SOUNDS like a lovely idea the group of 5 ladies has spiraled into a group of about 12. I suggested a lunch originally (knowing it'd be cheaper) but everyone wants to go out on a weekend and have drinks.


Come on now - I've been burned in the past when going out for drinks w/people. I will have ONE drink and a diet coke and I am then splitting the tab with someone who has like 8 martini's. So, after all this went down I was honest and told this one girl that I most likely won't go to the dinner b/c I can't afford it. They are picking the first week of December and that is my dh and my 5th wedding anniversary. We are planning a one night overnight somewhere that will probably cost us about $200. We have budgeted for this but cannot also go out and have me spend $60 on dinner!


This co-worker kept egging me on to go. I know what you are all going to say - she isn't a "true" friend if she doesn't understand. You are right BUT it still makes me the ONLY one who is saying I can't go because of money. Is it just me? How is it that everyone can buy stuff during the holidays and go out and socialize AND STILL have money to pay bills? I plan for xmas and the holiday all year long. We bought holiday gifts using my dh's overtime check last month. If not for that OT check - we wouldn't be having a xmas at all.


I am just down because I feel like its always just ME saying NO to things.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 1:28pm
I sooooo get what you're saying!
Avatar for mymartes
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-11-2008 - 3:08pm

I agree w/everyone else.

Stick to your guns (sort of speak).

MYM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 1:25pm

I've had the whole split check thing happen to me too. One time at a wedding dinner my husband and I paid 200 dollars on a tab because no one else would own up to who bought what. What I've done since then is ask for my own personal tab. If this makes you uncomfortable, pull the waiter aside in private. This way you could probably get away with a 20 dollar dinner

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2008
Wed, 11-12-2008 - 7:47pm

Look at it this way, they are more than likely spending money they don't have either..!


And your the only one being honest about it. I am proud of you for telling her you can't go, and why!

“Consider calling it a challenge rather than calling it a crisis.”
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
Sat, 11-15-2008 - 9:58pm

I think you are totally on target. It's the acceptable form of adult peer pressure. I am sooo close to paying off

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2006
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 3:29pm

I've many times been the person who says "no" and I got use to the eyerolls and what not.

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