At the end of my rope-please help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
At the end of my rope-please help!!
9
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 9:54pm

I am needing some help. My husband and I are in credit card debt up to our eyeballs-we have $29k total-with a total of minumum payments of $749 a month. It is killing us. I make about $29k a year which is actually high for my field and about the average income for the town we live in. My husband on the other hand works for his father full-time making $9.25/hr. He also is a flight instructor and squeezes his students in during the week day. He makes $21/hr doing that. He has 2 bachelor degrees-1 in Information Technology and the other in Professional Aviation. If he got a job in the IT field he could start out making at least $30k. This among other things has been a source of tension among us. He wants to find a job in the IT field but wants to get a certification in A++ first. He has been studying for this for several months now and now needs to purchase a cd to practice the test. He refuses to apply for any jobs before he gets the certification. We have been butting heads with this lately b/c I feel that he has the potential to make more money which would allow us to pay off this mounting pile of debt.


I am by no means perfect. I really have a spending problem-this has been an area of tension lately with my husband and I. I feel like I can't keep buying things even though I know we don't have the money. I have stopped charging (most of the cc debt is from a failed business attempt) but will spend money on clothes, etc. that I know is not in our budget. I always try and rationalize the purchase or find a way to buy what I want. I nickel and dime things I feel like-no one item is extremely expensive-just lots of little stuff that add up. Honestly I don't know how to stop this behavior. I have never been a saver-I do want to be-but I've always been the time of person that if I had a dollar I spent the dollar. We have sat down and figured up a budget, listed debts from smallest to largest,etc. I need help with my spending habits and I know it. I just don't know what to do. I know we're not going to be able to get out of debt if I don't quit spending but even then there's only a couple of hundred dollars leftover after everything is paid for at the end of the month. I don't know how we are going to get out of debt with things so tight. I'm really at the end of the rope right now. I need to quit spending and I wish my husband would atleast try to get a higher paying job. I am not saying that so I can spend $ but to truely get out of debt. I do want to be out of debt and get help for my compulsive spending I just don't know where to start. Sorry for the long rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2008
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 10:37pm

I wish I knew more about your area.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 11-24-2008 - 10:52pm

Welcome to the board. It is hard having all that debt we did at one time I am thankful we paid some of it down.


But you don't pay it down over night. It take a lot of hard work. Stop buying start counting pennies and dollars start sending

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2007
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 8:24am

I understand you're feeling that your DH could get a better paying job; but, as David Bach says, it isn't how much you make, it's how much you spend. In many cases, the more people make, the more they blow on all kinds of toys they don't really need.

The most important thing to do, to start that is, is to track everything you pay money for, down to the smallest pack of gum or cup of coffee. It's easy to spend a lot of money on little things. Also, if you write up your expenses and income and post them here on the board, we can help figure out where to nip and tuck.

Maryann is right, you'll get out of debt 1 dollar at a time. It's much harder to get out than to get in (just like losing weight!).

Welcome to the board. Hope you keep posting. I've been here a couple years, often just checking in for inspiration. It's been a tremendous help to me.

Dee


Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 10:13am

"It isn't how much you make, it's how much you spend."

I only partially agree with this. If you're not making enough to cover basic expenses, you have to make more money. A couple has to figure out how to maximize income while minimizing expenses. If the family as a whole is not reaching its income potential, then that is part of the overall problem. (Spending frivolously obviously also contributes to the problem!)

I got out of debt by making more money, not spending less. We were already spending as little as possible. At some point, you have to make more money just to get by. I did it by a combination of good fortune (being able to make a career change within my own company, with the help of some great people, and doing it at a good time in the cycle of my industry) and hard work and sacrifice. DH had to buy into it, too - he's a SAHD, and more and more responsibility fell on him for the kids and the house while I was busy making more money. It was a team effort by necessity.

There is, of course, a huge temptation to spend more money when you have it. We remembered that the reason we were making these sacrifices was to make our family financially independent, not just to get out of debt, and that's helped keep us on track as our income was rising.

And of course you're quite right that you do get out of debt one dollar at a time. Debt reduction is JUST like losing weight. You have to see the big picture in order to make the sacrifices on a daily basis.

Kelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2006
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 2:17pm

What worked for me was to log every single dollar that I spent during the month. By doing this I realized that DH was taking out hundreds of dollars

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 2:37pm

Welcome--boy did you come to the right place. I rant here all the time. Perfect place.

Wait until you see how paying a little extra brings down the total. It will make you feel great. Then, when you make more money, you can put even more on. It will take time but it is a total mind set and very doable.

Set some goals, even small ones and stick to them each week. It will come.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Tue, 11-25-2008 - 8:18pm

Thank you all for your insight into the matter. It truely helps! I will be posting my financial info tom. We are pretty much living at bare minimums right now as far as rent, cable etc goes. We take our lunch daily and so on. I know I need to be better about nickeling and diming things I think I need. We really have nothing to sell. We don't own lavish items. The majority of the cc debt came from a business attempt. We have older vehicles that are paid off also. I do agree that we need to throw money at this debt even if it is a dollar.


Our problem is that my husband gets upset with me for spending money and I get upset with him b/c he could be making so much more money. I know from what everyone has said that if there is a will there is a way to get this stuff paid off. I just get

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 11-26-2008 - 10:18pm

He shouldn't hold out for the A+ certificate before getting a job. I work in IT and have a degree in Business. I have been in IT for 12 years now, and very few jobs required that cert. What matters more if he has experience at all? I am working on a Master's degree.


My hubby works as a merchant mariner, and is working on getting a cert done when he is home for 3 weeks. It will cost us 1200.00 but he will get 100 more a day than he does now. He is whining non-stop about havint to take it, but I don't care. HE needs to pull his weight just like I do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 9:46pm
Hi, I have not posted to this board in years, but when I saw your post I just had to reply.