My family thinks I'm cheap!
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My family thinks I'm cheap!
| Fri, 11-28-2008 - 8:42am |
I thought we were going to squeeze by with a $300 dollar budget this Christmas, BUT it turns out that all the blab and talk about everyone being broke and only buying gifts for the kids was just that...blab and talk!!! We had a family meeting yesterday at thanksgiving and my BIL mentioned doing a Gift exchange where the price is set and we all pick names but my SIL says "NO...if we want to buy gifts for people then we can, if you can't afford it, then don't". I know this was said specifically for me and

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My extended family can be the same way. It got to where the adults only bought for the kids. Now we don't even get together anymore as an entire group since my grandparents are in a nursing home and assisted living.
Have you thought about asking if everyone can take whatever they can afford, put that money together, and donate to a charity? Or donate whatever they buy to Salvation Army or something like that?
Just a thought. That way it takes away from a "personal attack" feeling that they're giving you.
You're not cheap. The entire country is being affected by this economy, and it's going to catch up with them if they don't stop throwing money around carelessly.
over 40 and tired
I don't think asking them to donate to charity would go over well. They are so materialistic. They have a tradition of going WAY overboard at Christmas. When we had the talk about the gift exchange my BIL piped in, "But if I buy something for someone and they get me a 20 dollar gift, I'll be pissed!" So I suggested a spending limit. But the SIL vetoed the exchange idea, which I was for because buying 1 50-100 dollar gift is better than having to buy 4! Last year we spent 20-25 dollars on each person and this wasn't too bad.
Just my two cents, but it sounds to me like they are clinging to buying things and having an overblown Christmas that they can't afford just to prop up their self esteem. That may sound rude, but I speak from having done this myself. Buying lots of things for everyone (that nobody would ever remember) that I couldn't afford just to put on a show to make myself look good.
So, your last comment about trying to find "something" that they would want I think is probably impossible, because it's not about things, it is about putting on a show to feel good instead of looking inside and examining what is important. That looking inside and facing that you can't afford things and have to change can be scary and uncomfortable.
I think you should stay true to your own plans and stick to your budget, maybe buy a little something for your dh. If you've been open with your inlaws about money troubles, they should respect your need to cut back. It sounds like they are not the kind of people that would really be satisfied with whatever you got them anyway. Just my opinion, I hope I am not offending.
Abbie
Sometimes it is hard for people or family members to understand why a family is having problems with money. Since I don't have a family left I really don't have that problem.
Oh - don't even worry about it! I'm so mad at the whole thing right now that I don't care what is said about them. It's totally true. My husband and I both agree that it's got to hit them sometime that they are living above their means. They are looking for an apartment but can't get one because of how bad their credit is. Their own parents won't even cosign the apartment with them. WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! These are hard times. OOHHHH and I heard from DH that her job isn't even that stable right now!
Abbie
My kids are the only grandkids and nephews on both sides of our family and they are doted on. I already bought and showed them the pictures and they mentioned they wanted some for Christmas and were super excited to get them. Since I already payed for the package months ago it doesn't seem like a big expense to get a few of them framed. I know that pictures seems like a horrible present, but they love them! I know that at least that would be a good present for DH's mother. His sister may not be as excited as her. So that's one down. What I'm going to do this year is pay off all of our big bills in the next 2-3 weeks (that includes mortgage, condo fees, and taxes and debyt repayment...which is going to come to like 3000 dollars!)
just remember nothing is worth your family's financial peace! I would rather have my SIL mad at me and have my
Oh, my mother is mad at me for almost the exact same reason.
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