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| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 10:45am |
Hello, my name is Maggie and my husband and I are in debt. The biggest debt we have is our student loans. My husband is a Readjustment Counselor and at the moment makes decent money and I am a SAHM. In times past he has been very irresponsible with finances and we have fought all the time about his poor management skills. It has only been since last year of a 21 year marriage that he has given over the household budget to me and I have been digging ourselves out of debt since. We have our daily living expenses and a home mortgage that we have to get changed sometime here real soon or we will regret it. The worst part is our student loans that ring in the sum of $150,000. I grew up poor most of my life and I KNOW how to really cut back but he is awful when he thinks he is denied things. He has been trying to do some kind of networking the last 19 years of our marriage and believes this is the ticket to help us in the end pay off our student loans. I KNOW this isn't the way it will go because he is TERRIBLE with money and he has purchased products in the hopes to sell the products only to use them himself and not make any kind of profit. I have been listening to Dave Ramsey for the past 2 years and have gotten a grip on our home budget and we have no CC's that we owe and I have been working on bringing down the student loan debt because I know we won't have much of a retirement unless we pay this off! I am angry that he seems to be in la, la land about this business that he is involved with that he doesn't make any money with. He spends at least 100.00 dollars a month on it and doesn't make a dime!!!!! What can I do to make him see that after 19 years he should stop with this! My son and I have had it with him and his "dreaming" and no effort in this business (it's not the business I have a problem with, it's him and not knowing how to run one). Any and all advice would be appreciated.
BTW- I have tried many approaches but he just looks at me with a blank stare as if I have hurt his feelings. Go figure!
Maggie

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Got to love a dreamer!
Even an "at home" business should have seperate finances from the home.
Teresa
http://www.affordingpickles.blogspot.com
Thank you for the advice and I really don't mind someone's ideas or advice. As far as the student loans are concerned they are all his. I call them mine also because we were married when they all occurred. DH had to go back to school for another Master's degree due to a grandfather clause in his education due to the fact that the Iraq war took him away from his education.I haven't been in the work force for some time now, I have held down part time jobs and such through the years and don't have a problem with working it's just that I have also home schooled my children since they were young. My eldest will be 20 this month is due to leave to Afghanistan next week and my youngest is almost 17 and will be done with his education at home next year. My husband doesn't have a problem with me being home, and as far as I am concerned work from home but just don't make a pay check. He has reliquished the finances to me because I am better at controlling them and making sure everything is paid for. Our biggest problem has been the "dreaming" aspect. I tried to help him out with the business but we butt heads because I am straight forward while he is a wild child when it comes to things so I have backed off from this business venture all together. I will be going to school next year after my son is done schooling at home to pursue a possible career in the health field. I just can't understand a person who doesn't make money with something stay with something when that person knows that money is just going out the window. I love my husband and have worked with him for a long time on this and still will even though I do not understand it. I have always lived a frugal life and will till the day I die. I buy based on needs and not wants and I wished he would think a long the same lines but I guess we can't have everything we want in life. I do without so that bills get paid, I do without for the sake of my kids and I am fine with that. I am working hard at home to make our money stretch so we can live more comfortable lives when the time comes to retire. I am appreciative that my husband has a job when this economy is getting worse with job lay offs.I am going to just keep plugging along and pay down our loans and believe that things will work out for good.
Maggie
I agree with the other posters You need a different set of books for his business. I would think he makes pretty good wages in what he does so you guys are paying taxes on that. The business expenses could be a good write off for his base wages. I would really take a good look at them. Mileage and so on, office expenses.
Then maybe you can even if you are keeping the books for him take off a wage for yourself and charge that against the business. Have you ever thought that maybe since you are good with numbers maybe take an hour a day or so and maybe help build this business that you feel he is not managing well and have it to start making extra money for the family. As you said your husband is dreamer not a good manager. Be the manager and let him do the dreaming and
In the past I did help him with managing his business but we would argue over such little things that I guess I got turned off to him and this business. I must admit I did enjoy some aspects of this business but he and I just don't seem to agree on how to work it together. In the past he would just give people the products and not make any money. He just informed me today that he actually sold some things for a slight profit. I guess I have been hurt in the past with him and this business adventure that I don't want anything to do with it. Part of the business is selling and I just don't know if I have it in me. I can though keep numbers so maybe I could help him with that part. It seems at the moment he is not keeping track of anything that he does do for his business and it couldn't hurt to keep track of it for him. I get frustrated though when we really don't have any money and he wants to take a trip or buy books or tapes to listen to that will supposedly help him with it. It has been 19 years and the only money he has made with it was because he bought his own products. Oh well, I married a dreamer and he is a grasshopper and I am an ant, you know what they say, opposites attract. Thank you for the advice.
Maggie
I'm a SAHM and I agree, it's a luxury. However, we have five kids (very much by choice -- every single one was planned) and we homeschool (also a choice and a luxury) and you won't find me on here complaining about my debt, per say. Sometimes we struggle, but we don't use CC (don't owe a dime to any) and I'm so grateful that I can SAH and that DH can support all seven of us. I'd absolutely make the same choice again b/c my family means more to me than what money can buy. Granted, money needs to support us but we're making it. We spent more than we should have in the past and we're paying it off now, but we've lived on a cash-only basis while making headway on our debt (see my tickers). We've also taken on some of my mom's debt since a job cut made it impossible for her to make ends meet. Could I go out and get a job? Of course. But no amount of money is worth losing these precious years with my children or even time with my DH if we had to work opposite hours. To be fair, I do work from home and make quite a bit of money doing it, but I've been a SAH wife/mom the entire 11.5+ years of my marriage and it has worked wonderfully for us. I've been working from home for less than a year, so it's only a recent dent and that has been by choice, not by necessity. (I didn't plan to start working, but I make a good money and do it without missing time with anyone so it works well for us).
I'm not arguing with you. I just wanted to offer a different viewpoint on the SAHM situation. I know someone else here on the board is a SAHM and it works out better for their family financially plus she gets more time with her kids. I absolutely agree that if you're sinking you should try to get out there, but being debt free shouldn't be the only reason to enjoy the luxury of being at home. It's a choice, like so many others that we all make, but you couldn't pay me enough to miss this time with my family. =c)
Goal #1:
My name is Teri and I can relate to what you are going through.
{{{{{{Alynata}}}}}}
Oh how my heart goes out to you! I can truly understand what you are going through. I am so glad that you have found this Support Group as I am glad that I found it.
It is really scary when it seems that our husbands act like lone rangers making decisions for our finances. I sometimes bite my nails when hubby comes up with some new idea because I am so afraid that we will have an on going discussion as to why that idea will not work. Some men are boys in a mans suit I'm afraid. I have to be on top of things otherwise things can get out of control.
On the suggestion from some of the ladies here about "his business" I decided to put a set amount of money on his business checking account for him to use. The amount in the account WILL NOT be added to if he uses it for other purchases(I had to tell him this because I have already caught him dibbing into the money to make other purchases, other than for "his business"). I told him NO! NO! NO! Needless to say he didn't like it, but oh well, he is now getting me seriously.
Like you I hardly spend on myself. I buy things that are needed and not so wanted. I live very simply and like it that way. Hubby and I are total opposites. I am the NERD and he is the FREE SPIRIT.
Needless to say it makes for a rocky marriage. I really do know what you are going through and just want to encourage you not to give up hope for him. Make some slow changes to the way you are interacting with life and money and maybe he will follow suit. I have had to put my foot down on a few things to shake my hubby up and we are doing so much better. You better believe I am on my guard when he wants to deviate from our budget and I have to remind him of what our goals are and it seems to help.
Come here to this board and vent and share all you need to, there are some really neat gals here to lend you support. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! Until Next time.
Take care,
~~Maggie~~
Your story has a very familiar "ring".
Norma
"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus
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