Don't know what to do :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Don't know what to do :(
9
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 3:52pm

Ugh. I was so happy today and now it comes apart. Warning, this may get long:


Some of you may remember some of the issues I've had with my mom in the past. Summary, she's a wonderful mother and I love her to death. However, she suffers from depression (so bad that for two years she was on disability and barely got out of bed, I had to do the cleaning and cooking at 14!). She can't handle money. Never could. She frittered it away, ran up CC's, she even (at her lowest) cleaned out one of my bank accounts, and then let


Bex -

Avatar for 2locachicas
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 3:59pm

No I would not loan her money. You gotta watch out for yourself sister!! If anything forgive the 2k she owes you and go from there.


my husband and I just got approved for an FHA loan. We only need 3.5% down (3150 on a 90k house) and we want to make an offer that includes closing costs.


When she buys a condo make sure she considers the HOA in her costs. they can get pretty pricey and can be raised(but for some reason never lowered).


She should sit down with a mortgage agent now to see how she looks credit wise. She may need to clean some stuff up(proof of discharge or wrong aging). That way she isready when the time comes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 4:36pm

Hugs for you for thinking about stepping in during a time of need.


If your mom can't afford a $750 rental she can't afford to buy a condo. I'm sorry but that's the truth. Let HER save and let HER worry about her next place of residence. I'm not saying don't talk to her about it or encourage her or even go look at places with her but she needs to take charge here.


It's kinda like the parent / child relationship in reverse. If you bail her out there she will expect it the next time she needs help. And the next time.....


Did she ask you for help or are you just wanting to offer it? You are a good daughter !

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 6:49pm

If your mom can't afford a $750 rental she can't afford to buy a condo.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 7:02pm

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 7:34pm

Hi Bex,


I pretty much agree with what everyone else too.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 02-20-2009 - 8:16pm

Is she currently being actively treated for depression?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Sat, 02-21-2009 - 7:19am

Hmmm, that book sounds interesting.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-1999
Sat, 02-21-2009 - 7:36am

I would not help her out by giving her money.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 02-21-2009 - 4:49pm

Thank you all so much for your thoughtfull words. You brought me to tears (in a good way). This is what I've decided.


Mom can afford a $750 rental. I guess my point was that if she is paying $750 rent plus the utilities, it will really eat into her take home and she won't be able to save nearly as much. It may take years to get into her own place. The main reason I am pushing it is because she doesn't mave much in the way of retirement savings (a small pension from work) and IF she is going to be paying $1000 a month regardless, I want it to go into something that will grow equity. If there was a difference in rent in the area (i.e. she could rent for significantly less then buying) I would push renting and have her put the rest in retirement savings. She and I sat down and we figure that by the time she is ready to move out, she will have $6000 for a downpayment and closing costs. She is going to save like crazy to hit this goal.


So, I decided that if she comes close, and needs some money to hit her closing costs, and I have it, I will give it to her. I have not told her this because I want to her save and save and save like mad and I don't want her to rely on me. I am going to combine whatever I give her with the $2000 she owes me, and have her sign a legal contract stating that whenever she sells the condo, I receive the first x percentage of the selling price (whatever that may be).


Bex -