Asking Ex to help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Asking Ex to help
16
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 10:19am

As many of you know, I am divorced from my daughter's father.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 03-09-2009 - 3:06pm

Oh Marie,

I feel for you. I know this is hard. I am also divorced. Two years now. We have two boys. In a lot of ways my ex and I get along pretty good. We have 50/50 custody and neither of us pay child support. He could make a lot more money but (I believe) chooses to work and make enough so he doesn't have to pay me. That's fine. Sad but whatever. I have a lot of debt and I know he does too. He would never say no to paying half of a jacket or school supplies though. I have to do everything for the kids but he will pay half. I just email him and transfers money to my account eventually. It is not prompt but he eventually does it. I guess I am lucky in those respects.

I think the part that bothers me is he travels for work. He works like 5-6 days a month and makes good money. Complains how tired he is when he gets back and then spends a lot of money buying things, online and otherwise. I can't even go into their house right now because of all the new things I see. It bothers me because the kids see the behavior and thinks daddy has all the money in the world. I don't want them learning that but I have no choice.

So hear I sit, paying down my debt, living in my boy friends house and driving my boy friends truck. I do have a business with a bit of equity in it so I shouldn't complain too much.

I just feel for ya. Ask him for the money. Make sure you are alone or not in ear shot of your daughter just like you have been doing.

This what I would do:
"Would you like to pay for her sports fees or health insurance this year? I cannot afford to pay for both. Her sports fees are XXX and her health insurance is XXX. Which would you like?

If he picks one great!

If he doesn't and says I can't pay for it right now I'm not working. I would say "I'd rather her be healthy so I will pick her health care and YOU have to tell her she can't play sports anymore because I can't do this all by myself. This is just my opinion Marie. And you can and will do whatever you want, but people have to be accountable for things and be responsible.

Again, I'm sorry if this sounds harsh.

Good luck.



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 1:44pm

I asked, nicely, told him I just bought her class ring, am paying for her insurance and her wisdom teeth need to be taken out, schedule for April.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 1:52pm

Good for you! I am so happy that worked out. Don't stop asking for things. I have been bugging my ex to go to parent teacher meetings for two years now and I finally have him booked into one. I had to set it up and I will have to remind him but I think he will go!



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:06pm

I'm so glad things worked out for you. It must be a nice little weight off your shoulders!


Keeping my fingers crossed he follows through.


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 2:48pm

Isn't it funny how sometimes the new woman involved has a nice influence on formerly deadbeat dads.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Fri, 03-13-2009 - 3:10pm

Honestly I really don't want him, or Dh's Ex to go to parent teacher conferences. My Ex always turns it into something about him and has no clue about the subject or her aptitude any longer and DH's Ex just has all the answers for us and believes it is super easy to get their son motivated to study, when she sees him about 2 days a month and has a meltdown if we send him to her house with any homework to do.


We do all the homework with them and my Ex does not even have a computer to look at her grades.




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