I Can't Afford A Baby. ADVICE PLEASE!!
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 03-13-2009 - 3:35pm |
As soon as I walked in the house after work yesterday I knew something was wrong. On any "normal" work day nobody greets me or even asks "how was your day", but yesterday not only was I greeted by my wife but she took my coat and escorted me to the table where a delicious looking Vegan meal was waiting. I was almost afraid to ask so I simply kept quite while I ate my meal but my wife broke that silence after a few minutes by telling what I feared most. She told me that she wanted to tell me something about my stepson. As soon as she mentioned his name I knew that what started as a peaceful evening would soon come to an abrupt end.
When I met my wife her son was only 14 years old but, he had been suspended from two different schools and had recently dropped out. His father was a traveling musician who never paid a dime of child support and never bothered to offer him any direction. At that time I thought I could inspire him to overcome his situation by showing him the love and patience of a father/friend. After two years of trying my wife and I finally agreed that no matter what we tried he was intent and determined to follow the wrong crowd and be involved in criminal activities. Now, 15 years later at 30 years old he has never held a honest job for more than a year, he has been arrested several times for multiple offenses and has a 18 month old son whom he has never spent more than a few months with. Yet, he writes a letter to my wife asking us to "Please, raise my son until I get out of prison." Additionally, we got a call from Social Services in West Virginia asking us to accept guardianship of his son because the mother has lost custody due to drug addiction!
So here we are in debt, over 40, with no savings whatsoever and getting ready to bring in a 18 month old baby who needs diapers, daycare, car seats, baby powder and who knows what other expenses. Please forgive me if I don't sound excited or happy but, this not something that I expected or planned to do at 43 years old.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Pages
Assuming the mother's rights are permanently terminated, this could be a good option. Our DD is adopted. Her biological parents both have developmental disabilities and they both willingly terminated their rights. If one of the biological parents won't willingly terminate their rights, it's a lot harder to get the court to terminate them, especially if they're making an effort to clean up their lives.
And if there is any evidence that he has any issues from being born addicted to drugs, it's something to seriously research and soul search to decide if it's something you're prepared for. My DD has developmental delays and it's not easy to take care of her at times. She is an amazing blessing in our lives, but it can be hard. It's not something to go into blindly.
"As you can see, the goal is to reunify family. Not jump to putting a child up for adoption."
Sad state of affairs, especially for this child.
First, I'd like to thank everyone for your comments and advice. Many of your comments have helped ease our concerns and fears regarding our ability to afford the additional responsibility.
Last Friday my wife was contacted by the Social Services Department here in Wayne County on behave of West Virginia Social Services. They wanted to arrange an in-home interview with us regarding the foster care of the baby. When my wife asked them why we could not simply get the baby, she was told that the baby has become a ward of the state and that we would need to go through the proper approval process of becoming licensed foster parents to become his legal guardians. When we asked about any assistance that they could give us with daycare, etc. we were told that some "minor" assistance could be given but, only after an extended period due to cuts in federal assistant programs. Additionally, once his mother is out of drug rehab she would have all rights to come see him and eventually regain custody. I understand that these laws are created to protect children but, it has also increases my concerns of the mother coming to our home and causing some kind of disturbance by yelling and cursing for custody of her son.
In the meantime, my wife and I have started investigating the costs of local daycare services. The least expensive daycare facility that we were able to find so far is in the home of a woman who charges $170. per week!! 13 years ago we paid that much for both our sons.
Any additional advice would be greatly appreciated.
We met with the two Social Workers from the State of Michigan at our home yesterday evening. We were amazed at all the background information that they had on us both. They even had our driving records.
They asked us questions for over two hours. We were asked questions like:
* What is our philosophy about child rearing?
* How do we handle correcting our children when they do something wrong?
* Have we ever spanked our children and how often?
* How much did you earn last year?
When I was in my early twenties I got two different misdemeanors which they questioned me about. One for trespassing while on a hunting trip with a fellow college classmate. Another from when I was arrested for driving with expired license plates. Both were misdemeanors and over 20 years old but, they questioned me for at least 30 minutes over both of them.
At one point I felt like telling them to just forget it. We did not need or want the hassle but, I knew that would not go over good with my wife. Finally after two hours we were allowed to ask questions. That is when we were told us again that they would be able to help us with daycare or otherwise for at least six months or more. They also suggested, as many of you have mentioned for us to apply for assistance like: Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP).
Thank you once again for all of your responses and advice. With all the information and advice shared we hope to be able to successfully make it through and afford this new obligation in our lives.
God Bless You All!
http://over40overweightindebt.blogspot.com/
I dont' have any advise to send your way Brian, so here's hug and I keep your situtation in my prayers.
Norma
"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus
Once your friends and family know you are bringing home a little one you could ask if they have anything tucked away that you could use. When we found out we were having a grand baby last year friends and family were more than generous in hand me downs, I had cribs, high chairs, clothes etc given to me. Good luck in your chapter of life.
Sharon
Pages