Hot Button Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Hot Button Question
23
Sat, 06-06-2009 - 5:01pm

Someone mentioned that this board has been rather quiet lately, I think this may stir people up a bit.

My question is, how many children are too many, especially for people on a tight budget? Several months ago there was a discussion here about the octuplet mom, and most people considered it a very irresponsible thing, both financially (tax payer's money going to support her and the babies) and as a parent (how can she take care of eight in addition to the six as a single mom, and the example she sets for them).

And there are the more normal people, with several children, struggling to make ends meet. I would like to say is it none of my business how many children other people have, but every time someone defaults on a credit card, for example, the bank will need to make up for the loss and raise rates and fees on everyone. A foreclosed house in the neighborhood affects everyone on the same street. I am not saying children are the cause of all financial woes, but certainly they cost money in absolute terms, and often one parent decides not to work to take care of them.

Nor am I trying to say only well to do people should have children, but I cannot help but shake my head when people at work complained about not having the money for this and that when they have four or five or six. I am also tired of baby shower invitations when they expect me contribute a significant amount. (Quit going to those a long time ago). Having said that, even though I choose to be childless (and if I were to have any, most likely I will send him/her to private schools), I believe certain things, like property tax to support schools and money to fund community program for children, are part of living in a society and never begrudge those things.

So what do you think? Do you think it is a person's right to have as many children as he/she wants regardless of the financial situation? Do you believe one should carefully look at the budget before deciding to have children? Or somewhere in between? And how many is too many?

Avatar for sohappilyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 1:15pm

Hey, thanks for the shout out! It's a refreshing change from the criticism so many folks seem to harbor.

The bulk of our debt, by the way, has little to do with the kids. We don't have any credit card debt, and all seven of us live in a 1500 square foot home with 3 bedrooms and 1 bath. I know people with NO KIDS (nearing retirement, so I don't see any coming along for them, LOL) who moved into 2500 square feet with four bedrooms and thought they'd suffocate in the small space. (They're still hanging in there last I heard).

Who knew that "survival" would become such a relative term? ;c)

Sarah


Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 4:23pm

Indeed, a hot-button issue.


There is a wonderful book on this exact subject...The Cost of Motherhood by Ann Crittendon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2008
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 6:11pm

I am a little late on this topic, I have not been on the board all weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 4:22pm

I have only the one son (1982)

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 4:54pm

I haven't had a chance to read all the responses but so far, they've been good. It's just so hard to answer this question and it is a very HOT question!

I have an old friend from highschool who is very into 'green' living and last I heard he was an engineer for Ford working on Fuel Cell technology. He made a comment about me and I heard it through a friend. He said "Oh, doesn't Abbie have like 4 kids by now!" ( I only had 2 at the time!) and then he went on to talk about how he thinks that people should only be allowed to have 1 child per family because we are burdening the Earth and blah blah blah.

Now #1...I try to live as green as I can. I don't use paper towels, I try to buy local, farm grown produce, I've gotten rid of the plastic water bottles and I'm trying to teach my kids to think about the same things. We need to be more aware of what we buy and especially what we throw away...but I do sometimes feel like I have birthed 3 children into a world that is just going down hill from here. How are they going to support themselves? Will they have a good life? There's a lot of worries to having 3 kids!

But #2...This is one of the freedoms we possess living in the United States. We aren't China and I don't think we want to be China. We have the right to have as many kids as we want, even if we're stupid about it and that's one of the great things about America...I live in the 'Live Free or Die' state, so we know all about that.

BUT #3...I feel that if you need government assistance in order to take care of those children, then perhaps you had too many!

I have 3 kids and although the first one wasn't planned, the other two were. Our kids don't have a lot. They can't go to the fancy summer camps that some other kids I know go to. They can't sign up for all the sports that other kids do. We try to limit them to 1 thing at a time, and that thing has to be a reasonable cost. But our kids are fed and clothed and loved, by both their parents and also their grandparents and aunts and uncles. I probably won't be able to pay for their college educations...maybe I can help them out here and there, I don't know, it's a long ways off. But I'm not worried about that and I don't think being able to afford a college education is a pre-requisite to having kids. My parents couldn't afford mine and I made it through.

We live in a small house, we can't give our kids everything I would want to give them, but I also think that this is teaching them that 'things' aren't everything. We spend a lot of time playing at parks and I find out about all the free school activities and summer programs. I think I give my kids enough and that they are happy. And I think they are happy to be alive. Hopefully they can contribute to society as adults. That's the goal, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2009
Tue, 06-09-2009 - 8:58pm
well . i have 2 children so far. a 2 yr old girl and a 1 yr old boy. We do not own any credit cards and i am a stay at home mom. my husband works by himself and makes $1700 a month,and we live in boston. our rent takes about 50% of our income plus all the bills. We are poor but we are happy. I choose to stay home with my children to raise them according to my religion and beliefs. i hope to homeschool them when they are older to keep them out of the
Avatar for cl_phocid
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 9:50am
DH and I are childless - so someone else can have our appropriate number of offspring. ;-)

All my best,
Danni
cl-phocid, Debt Support Group



All my best,
Danni

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 10:50am

I hadn't planned on leaving a comment on this string, because the issue is so complex.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2003
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 1:11pm
Just a
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-1999
Wed, 06-10-2009 - 1:38pm

Small change,


I