Mother of the groom. (Long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mother of the groom. (Long)
6
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 12:49pm

When your kids are young and you watch them doing really silly stuff You either sit them in time out, have a talk with them and if nothing else works you turn

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 1:25pm
Sometimes I feel as if my life has been one disaster after another since I was 19 years old. I got pregnant in college at 19 and obviously that changed the course of my life forever. I'm now 30 and I'm still recovering! I've been struggling just to make it since then. Getting a job, going to school at night and we were so happy when we were finally able to get married and create a normal family. Except we've been dealing with debt and finances and the basic hardships of life. A crash course on the real world. When I see people rushing to get married, I can understand the desire for it, but I know the hardships that follow. I hope things will work out for them and they won't go running to you for help. I think I've finally learned myself that I have to deal with life myself. My parents can't bail me out all the time because then I never learn to grow and move on...and most important of all, not repeat my mistakes!

Avatar for sohappilyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 4:43pm

(((Mary Ann)))

I can't begin to know what this feels like. My oldest turned 11 today, so I'm a long way from those concerns but I already worry about their happiness as adults. It must be so difficult to watch this unfold.

I was just 19 when I married DH and EVERYONE told us it wouldn't last. We didn't have a dime between us and his job sucked - long hours and literally no pay at times. I still have a 39- or 36-cent (can't remember which) paycheck that we never bothered to cash. Times were tough! I wish I could tell you what it was that made me so determined to marry him even though the odds were ridiculous - maybe it would help some of your son's situation make sense - but I just know we were kids and thought we knew it all. We even decided right away to have a baby (she was born three days before our first anniversary). My point, I guess, is that things don't always seem to make sense at the time and this marriage may really make sense to them, in spite of differences so obvious to everyone else. I think that was our situation, although things couldn't have turned out better for us. Our 12th anniversary is this Saturday, July 4th, and we are so, so happy together.

I'll be praying for you as you deal with these changes and for "the kids" and their marriage. When finances are tied to emotional issues, things get tough. I hope they'll be blessed with the resolve and commitment to work through it.

Sarah


sahm, wahm, homeschooling mom to

Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Wed, 07-01-2009 - 8:11pm

It is really impossible to know WHY he wants to do it NOW instead of later, BUT in one way, I wonder if part of it is concerns over YOUR HEALTH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2004
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 11:02am

Mary Ann,

Love can be irrational at times, and it is impossible to rationalize the irrational. You know...the heart wants what the heart wants. (Ok, i admit it...I am a romantic) Anyhow, I was married at 19 also, and we will be celebrating 13 years next month. We were broke, but money is something we have never really argued over...we didn't have any.

All you can do is explain to them that you will not be able to help them the way that you would like to, and stick to it. Your son isn't a young, just starting out sort, he should understand that at least.

Who knows why they are "rushing" things...but it really is up to them, and anything attempt to try to discourage them will not be at all viewed favorably. Just do what you can do comfortably...you have your own health and priorities to worry about, and they should be respectful of this, also.

Heather

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 1:15pm

I can sympathize.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 2:06pm

Mary Ann, I love you, I do but you have to go to this wedding! He is 40, he is not rushing? He has been stalling for 20 years LOL! He wants his mommy at his wedding so go. Teeth be damned, he doesn't care. I would make it clear you cannot contribute beyond going to the event and what you have already, but go! You have been saying you wanted to go on a little trip.......you have more money coming in around October. I think you can stay on task for debt reduction(maybe a little delayed mind you) and have your (wedding) cake and eat it too!

Such opinionated women on this board!! LOL! Good luck with you decision, because it is yours and Raymond's to make.