My father is loosing his house

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
My father is loosing his house
5
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 4:21pm

My dad is loosing his house. I am so sad I'm inconsolable. The fun way to save his house would be to move my family into his huge house and pay him his monthly short fall of $3300.00.

My husband and I are in the midst of breaking up though.

Yikes!!!!!! Feeling so alone!!! I've lost my job because I refuse to work with my husband, which I've been doing for the last 4-5 years. My father is pressuring me to get a job, ASAP! It's killer pressure. My old life with dh, meant I only worked because I wanted to, as dh makes enough to cover all our overhead with 3-7K left over every month.

I'm staying with dad right now. My husband and I are still talking and 'seeing' each other every night. We are doing everything to get back on track, thank God. But what if??

Back to living with my dad. He is always in debt. Now that I'm staying with HIM he tells me he is 1.4 million dollars in debt and is loosing his house, our family estate. So in order for me to inherit the estate, which he built for my now dead mother, I would need to funnel tons of cash towards the estate. WOW, I'M SO OVERWHELMED. I've worked so hard here on DSG to NOT be like my dad, to not live in debt, which has worked for me and dh beautifully. We are pretty solvent. But re-establishing a relationship with my strange father and WHAMO I'm right back in the cycle of HORRENDOUS DEBT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 7:16pm

{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}, Audrey.


You had

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 9:56pm

You got a hug from me too. I have never been rich and neither Raymond or my parents were more then upper poor So I can even get my mind around an estate.


But you know the drill. Get your dad to sit down with you. And get him on a budget and maybe see where he can sell some things to get caught up. You are a very smart lady. The board has taught you the drill maybe it is time for you to pass it along to your Dad. Old dogs can learn new tricks. If he isn't interested them

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Thu, 07-02-2009 - 10:40pm

Oh I really appreciate that! That is what I have always worked towards, not taking on my dad's debt.

I've told him, if need be we'll dump the property and move him into an apartment for people over 55. He is good with that finally. And other promises, like he always has a home with me. Which is true, I would never let him be on the streets. (He has been impossible for anyone in his history to live with however, we have behavioral issues with dear dad).

All these years he went on and on that he was going die in his house, but now he is coming down to earth.

I have to tell you something about DSG and how it has prepared me for this event. When he first told me about his debt, I told him that I have been studying here on this site and it has taught me that 'you are not your debt' and we will get through this, and it does not matter to ME how it happened, that it is happening every day to people and that he is not alone, he has me and dh, and we will do everything we can to help with any transition we can manage. At least we had the estate at all. We had it for 40 years and that's amazing. (A lot of land, a nice house at first, but then the neglect happened, and the house is a rambling, but beautiful mess as it is in the country side in a very posh neighborhood).

But all this heart felt stuff is easier said than done. I'm glad I'm here, there is no better better support group.

Yes, dh & I are going through bad times but we are working towards getting back together ASAP. He is doing every possible counseling, etc. as am I to get back on track. Work stress has just about done us in. But at least we do not have money or debt issues, that has been a great vehicle, having cash so we can pay for counselors and the like. It's weird being with a man who makes money and it's weird being with a man who pays his bills in full each month. I never had that growing up. I can't imagine what my dad spent all that money on as he is such a miser and the house is falling down around him. We always lived below any norms. I've always said that to you, that growing up with him was strange. No presents from him, no warmth, a dirty house, bad debting. Always fighting with my mother when she would buy us clothes. We were not allowed any comforts. It is a lot like the movie "Carrie", yup, BAD. I ran away the first time at 16. We always had too much land, too many houses, he would never sell any of the houses due to putting over inflated prices on them, he was an impossible land lord after not selling his homes, would never listen to my mom's decent input, and now look, everything I was afraid of since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was afraid of total financial ruin for him and that I would be left holding the bag. I'm 41 now and here is that life long scare coming to real life. He is the last person in my family that I ever wanted to help or live with again, how horrific.

Thanks for your wise, kind words. I feel like I can live through another night. Thanks Robyn, always a pleasure talking with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 11:57am

Oh, Audrey, I am so glad my words comforted you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2006
Fri, 07-03-2009 - 12:36pm

Oh thank you for your gentle and kind words.

I didn't know how I was going to face this 4th, but your post has washed over me like sunshine this AM. The more positive words that are said to me the better I get along here at home with dh.

My dd is making me choose between him and dh.

Dh loves me being provided for and doing what I like with my time, that being a stay at home wife is tiring enough with out having to go out and punch a time clock. So nice. My problem is I worry that I'm not furthering my career as I would like to be a pharmacy tech, which would mean schooling.

Time will tell if I have the energy to go back to school. I probably can by fall. I'll take one course at a time.