I feel there is no hope for my situation
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| Sat, 07-18-2009 - 1:20am |
I am so happy to have found this board. I will try and be as brief as I can. I am 54 yr old woman, married, two grown sons, an 18 yr old dd. I have always been the main support of my family as an RN. My husband is a dreamer, always willing to help by doing several different part time jobs, waiter, real estate, delivering papers but has never earned alot of money. A year ago though he lost his main part time job and has not gotten another. He also inherited a small sum from his mom when she died 5 yrs ago. He used that money without my input and against my wishes to buy houses to flip...he did this while our own house was falling apart. Unfortunately he did this just as the market fell and has lost everything and incurred more debt.
I will hang my head in shame and admit despite making the main income, I let him handle bills. I know what i make, what our mortgage and car payment are, but that is it. I trusted him. Apparently, the loss of his last job, in addition to the debts he incurred while trying to rehab his houses caused us to not be able to pay our bills. I found out last month, by accident, he has stopped paying anything 5 months ago. He got rid of our home phone so that I woudnt get any calls from credit card companies.

First -- immediately make an appointment with Consumer Credit Counseling Services now known as Money Management International (MMI). This is a non profit credit counseling service. You bring all your financial information and they give you an unbiased opinion as to what you should do. They can help negotiate payment plans with creditors. Don't confuse them with debt consolidation companies -- generally they will cause far more problems than you are looking at now.
If MMI says the bills are really unmanageable -- that is the signal that you should make an appointment with a bankruptcy attorney. The first visit is generally free -- and the attorney will be able to lay out all the options based on your ability to pay and the total amount of the debt. Your house can be saved from foreclosure through bankruptcy. If it looks like bankruptcy is a possibility you will want to check it with out companion board on IVillage
"debt questions and answers" and people with experience in Bk can give you a lot of information and support.
I am not clear from your post if you already did bring the mortgage up to current status -- if not, I would immediately contact they mortgage holder and tell them that you are having problems.
Personally, I would immediately get to a different bank and open an account with only your name -- and make sure your check goes into the new account. You don't know what else may show up at the old account leaving you unable to pay anything at all.
It sounds like you have already set up something with the credit cards -- but honestly, if the house isn't secure, I'd skip the credit cards for the immediate future and make sure you are able to keep the house.
You are a nurse, so you have some basic skills that will come in very handy right now -- you know how to be calm in a crisis and to be organized. Pretend this crisis is happening to someone else.
What advice would you give? You'd advise them to get some outside advice (MMI and/or BK attorney). And when you talk to them, keep an open mind. They have experience.
Don't be overwhelmed by worrying about your daughter's college --
she will need to apply for financial aid -- she will need to work part time -- if you have community colleges (first 2 years of college) she should attend there and transfer to a 4 year school. Saves a huge amount of money (at least still in California).
If you are comfortable, list the debts you are responsible for -- not the ones your husband has incurred only in his name. Then list the income you are sure you will have. Sometimes we can help prioritize how to attack things. If you are not comfortable doing that, then just keep posting here -- let us know how things are going. We're all pulling for you.
Megan
Hello
I just read your posting and it almost made me cry. What "looking" said is just about all there is to say. I totally agree with her. You need a totally new checking account. First thing Monday morning go to your bank and if your account there is an "and/or" account have your husband's
I was
Thanks so much for your replies. Alot of this I take responsibility for. I knew things were not great but I had no idea how bad...not even close to how bad. I buried my head in the sand, but it is fully up right now.
I have made some mistakes already as I said because I didnt have all the information and didnt listen to people a lot smarter than me. However, I am about to change some of that....as of Monday I will have my own account where my paycheck
You're making some very good decisions.
Other posters really know a lot about how to trim the fat out of the budget, but I would encourage you to do all you can to increase your income.
Hi,
Welcome to the board.
A lot on your plate is an understatement. Dealing with a double whammy --trust issues, and financial issues is tough. It never hurts for a woman to have her own account.I agree with Marie that you should do the white board thing and show dh the shortfall he needs to make up. This will help with both of those issues. Have you ever watched a show called "Til debt do us part"?
http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ShowsPage.aspx?title_id=93097
You can watch episodes online. It is educational in many ways and some of the episodes deal with trust issues and making up financial short falls. I watch it every week. Gail rocks!
It sounds like you have a plan. Get hubby on board and go with it. Good luck, post often.
Hi!