I feel like Im going crazy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
I feel like Im going crazy!
9
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 8:35pm
As I posted...I am in bad shape financially. I wont go through the story again, but I feel like Im going crazy. On Friday when everything we had was taken from our joint checking due to a business account of his that he had not paid, I was hysterical. By Saturday, after thinking, reading alot and finding this board...I was resigned and though I know I have a really rough road ahead of me, whether I do bankruptcy, credit counseling, or divorce...I
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 10:32pm

No...you are not going crazy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2005
Sun, 07-19-2009 - 10:36pm

I'll admit I'm new to the board but I feel for your situation.

Tricia

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 12:45am

Hi,
I was thinking about you before I logged on -- and had copied this article which has some good information (even if not getting divorced).
Especially -- make sure you pull your credit report from
annualcreditreport.com
It's free once a year. All of your accounts will be listed.
Please -- call the utilities -- they will work with you. If all else fails, ask about their grant program or referral to a grant program that can cover you for one month.
Also, look up angel food ministries -- they may be available in your area -- very cheap (good) food for you to take home. No income requirements, they don't care. About 30.00 for a box of food for the month.
Make the appointment with Money Management International -- you HAVE to make the appointment. Not knowing what to do is far worse than knowing what to do. Once you have a real handle on what you need to do, you will not be frozen in place and can move forward. You will then be in control.
Hang in there. The following article may have some info you can use.
Megan

Credit Card Tips During a Divorce
by Bill Hardekopf
You aren't just separating your lives, but your finances as
well.

Credit card debt is a factor to consider during a divorce. You
aren't just separating your lives, but your finances as well.
If you do this correctly, you can avoid a financial mess and
go on with your life. If it is done incorrectly, you could
have a financial disaster that ruins your credit and you will
pay much more than lawyer fees. Here are some credit card
issues to address if you are going through a divorce:

Get a complete picture of your debt. Get a copy of a credit
reports from all three agencies for you and your spouse. Make
a list of every open credit account and whether it is a joint
or individual account. You may be surprised to find active
accounts that you didn't know existed.

Close joint accounts. Joint accounts are held by you and your
spouse together, and both of you are equally responsible for
the debt. The creditor reports account activity to the credit
bureau in both of your names. This affects the personal credit
score for both individuals.

Each person is responsible for the debt, regardless of how the
debt is distributed in the divorce. If an account is left
open, your ex-spouse can add more debt, make a late payment,
miss a payment, or default, and you will also be held
responsible. It will not only be costly for you, but also it
can hurt your credit score and trigger a rate increase for all
of your credit accounts.

By law, a creditor can't close an account because of a change
in marital status, but the account can be closed at the
request of either spouse. However, a creditor does not have to
change a joint account into an individual account. They can
require you to reapply for credit on an individual basis. They
will treat this as a new application and will either accept or
deny your application.

When you close the account, notify the credit card company
about the divorce with a certified letter. Ask them to provide
a current account statement and tell them that you do not
intend to be held liable for any debt accumulated after the
date of the written letter. Request that they put the account
on inactive status so that no new charges may be added and
stipulate that once the balance is paid in full, the account
is to be closed completely. Follow up with a phone call to
your credit card issuer.

If you close an account with an outstanding balance, you still
have to pay off the balance. Create a payment plan and make
sure that you continue making payments on time so you won't
hurt your credit score and incur the late fees. Monitor your
account each month to make sure your ex-spouse is also making
the correct payment. Pay off your balance as quickly as
possible.

If one spouse is assigned the credit card debt, close the
joint account and roll it into a new account in the spouse's
name.

Remove names from each other's accounts. Close all joint
accounts and have your name removed from accounts that will
continue to be used by your spouse. This will limit your
responsibility for new debts by your spouse (you will still be
responsible for old debts incurred up until that point). If
your spouse is an authorized user in any of your accounts,
revoke the authorization. Send the request by certified mail.

Pay off the credit card debt before the divorce is final, even
if you have to liquidate marital assets. This will prevent the
possibility of future financial problems. If your ex-spouse
declares bankruptcy, then the credit card company will turn to
you for full payment.

After the divorce is finalized, monitor your credit report to
see if any errors or problems pop up from the joint credit you
had during your marriage.
______________

Bill Hardekopf is the CEO of LowCards.com
<http://www.lowcards.com>, a site that simplifies the
confusion of shopping for credit cards. It is a free,
independent website that helps consumers easily compare credit
cards in a variety of categories such as lowest rates,
rewards, rebates, balance transfers and lowest introductory
rates. It also gives an unbiased ranking and review for each
card. The LowCards.com Complete Credit Card Index
<http://www.lowcards.com/CreditCardIndex.aspx> is the most
objective and comprehensive resource on the Internet, which
allows consumers to compare rates for all 1060 credit cards
offered in this country.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 7:07am

Your original post was heartbreaking.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 7:38am
There have been so many times in my struggle where I have felt like you feel right now. I always seem to have to pick and choose between my mortgage and my other bills and it drives me nuts! I remember when my power was turned off and I had no way of paying them the 400 or 500 dollars they wanted to turn it back on. I was just going crazy thinking of how all the food I bought was going to go bad, how was I going to live without electricity? What were we going to eat? I was lucky because my mom and dad helped me get it turned back on but I can't even tell you how much stress money problems cause. Stress on everything in your life, marriage, kids, friends, family. It effects everything. All you can do is take things one step at a time. There will probably be many times in your journey where you think you are going to go crazy or perish from the stress, but just keep going...persevere.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 9:31am

I read your original post and I'd like to say I am so sorry for all your troubles.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 11:42am

Crazy? That should be a nick name for the board. Everyone here feels like this sometimes. The ups and downs, one step forward and two steps back on this journey reek havoc on your emotions. Take the good when it comes and revel in the small accomplishments. (including hydro and meals) There is no reason hubby should not be in charge of Angel ministry trips. It is the least he can do.

Keep at it. It might get worse before it gets better but you can do this!


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2000
Mon, 07-20-2009 - 9:33pm
{{{hugs}}}
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Tue, 07-21-2009 - 10:43pm

Just wanted to say thanks so much to everyone for your advice and mostly support. You do not know how much this board saved me this weekend when I felt so lost and down. To know others have gone through this and survived, in fact came out better on the side, gave me such hope. I know I will still have some really down days but all of this helps so much.


I wish I had family to help financially as some of you did. I know it must have been so hard to ask but its nice to know you have someone. Unfortunately at my age, my in laws are both dead as is my father, and my mother lives on social security alone...in fact Ive been helping her out whenever I can. There is no one to help even a little so I will have to do this on my own.


I have set limits and demands on my husband, but I cant force him to make money. I have told him if he cant find a way to help you he will have to move out, but realistically, he has no where to go, and Im not sure my kids would forgive me if I did that to him. Believe it or not, he is not an evil person...


I have nothing to sell...no jewelry, or expensive electronics...thats whats so hard to accept. We have not lived an extravagant lifestyle at all. Its just a matter of getting so far behind