Can DS's Dr appt morph into day trip ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Can DS's Dr appt morph into day trip ?
12
Sun, 07-26-2009 - 8:51pm

This week is gonna suck!!!!! I've been saving up and I have the money for my tires, allignment and balancing Mon morning. I've needed tires for months and at this point I'm driving on my spare and another tire that needs air everyday. However, just today I remembered that the last time I tried to get tires and everything like this, (different car) they took a look and said 'not until you get your brakes fixed first' so now I'm worried that will be something I have to go do first. I'm sure my brakes could need done, and I don't know about the money and time needed for that.

Plus, DS has a neuropsychologist appt on Thurs afternoon and it's two hours away from here. So, gas/food and the doctors bill are worrying me. THEN it occured to me that it's a shame to drive all the way there and back w/out making it a fun day trip or even attaching an extra day by spending one night in a hotel. I'd really like to go up Thur check into a hotel, do the appt have a fun night in a hotel and then spend all day Friday at COSI, the science center. I think I could maybe swing it w/out using any cc's and still pay current bills etc. BUT the idea of splurging and not sending all I can to the debt is making me worry too.

Any thoughts?

Lissa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 10:02am

Honestly in this case, I have to say brakes and tires are a bit more important than a science center over nighter.




iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 11:14am

Marie,

Even though I really would like to make this happen (for some good and not so good reasons I'm sure), I think I'm with you. I think that I should continue to punish myself for allowing this degree of debt to happen but at the same time we've been living bare bones across the board for so long that we're miserable.

I never meant to sound like I wasn't going to do the car work. I'm just saying it'll wipe out my version of cc 'snowflake' money if I do anything else on top of it. I've been restricting our living expenses and hiding out at the house in order to send every bit I can to the cc debt for so long that the idea of not doing it is odd to me.

I started saving for tires and other possible emergency 'needs' around the middle of May because when I got my oil changed they said I had one fairly bad tire and the others were only okay. I knew I could make it through the rest of the school year and I only drive a few miles a week in short trips w/in a 5 mile radius during the summer. Since I didn't have an efund at all yet, I started putting the money aside planning on getting tires in August a couple weeks before I'd have to start commuting to work again. Since I was slowly saving up, I was also still sending extra to the highest interest card. Sometimes that's equal to $200 a pay depending on decreasing childcare/gas/food costs at home. A couple weeks ago I did try to get myself to start also putting money into a baby efund but it's inconsequencial at this point.

Getting the tires, brakes and exhaust checked and/or repaired was always part of the plan but I knew it was going to mean not having an efund and possibily not being able to pay 'extra' on the card. I was fine with that because the car is a 'need' that has to be done.

Like I said I can do the repairs and either the $60 for COSI or $160 for COSI w/hotel and still not use a cc. It's the idea of allowing myself and the boys to spend up to $160 on COSI and an inexpensive hotel instead of 'snowflaking' it that's got me thinking.

I'm still leaning towards not doing it but I also still think that since we have to drive all the way up there anyway, it's a shame to do it straight up and back and be tired and cranky for the appt and to waste the only chance we'll get to fake ourselves into thinking we had a vacation for the first time in 3 years.

YES, in my world a day trip like this once a summer is the vacation! Usually the plan is to do a two day zoo trip with the first night in a cheap hotel with a kitchenette to save on food. Since we had a zoo membership back then that was $50/yr unlimited days and we'd usually do several up and back trips during the school year w/out staying over, the 'vacation' trip essentially only cost the hotel and gas. It was my way of making the kids and myself feel like we were a family that takes a vacation in the summer like most everyone else does (growing up my family would sometimes tent camp at the local fish and game association my dad belonged to but we never had a 'real' vacation).

I was hoping to do that again this summer now that everyone's health is up to it. But DS doesn't want to do the actual zoo because he still associates it with almost dying two years ago. We had just checked in to the hotel, were unloading the car and were having fun planning our assault on the zoo when he got so sick. Thankfully when I asked the front desk for the nearest medical center, they not only helped me out, they also stopped my debit card payment for the room! I guess part of me is still trying to erase the whole year long ordeal it turned into by replacing it with a similar trip that won't aggravate DS's PTSD-like symptoms. (Certain pains, smells, sights or ideas still send him right back mentally.) It may not be the best way, but we've got to go back to some semblance of our real life sometime/someway and this just sort of popped up. So, I guess the trip was more about other things than I realized at first. I hadn't really made the connection to all these other feelings until I started typing this post. HUH... stuff to consider I guess.

Keep the discussion coming if you have any more thoughts. :)

Thanks,
Lissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 11:28am

I would say most everyone on this board is taking a mini vacation if not several by going to the lake every weekend. I don't think this will alter your plans to much and it sounds like you need to get out. If you don't you will snap and spend money somewhere else. This is a journey and it may take awhile. It does not mean everything has to be sacrificed all at once.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 11:56am

Adding this little post to say that I'm still looking into the 'mini-vation trip' idea because it's what I really would like to do.

BUT I'm also going to surf the internet for any possible 'free' things we can do in Columbus before/after the doctor if we go up really early or stay really late. Maybe there's something we can 'see' or 'do' that I can make seem as much fun.

BUT, I don't like the idea of exhausting myself with the drive up, running around the hot city (my heel spur won't allow much of that anyway), doing the appt, maybe doing something free and fun after, and then driving all the way home too.

Still thinking but looking at all options...

Lissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 12:04pm

LOL, what you've written is exactly what the part of my brain that I've dubbed the 'evil in-the-moment spender' keeps saying. I soooooo want to do this, and I'm spending a lot of energy trying to analyze it from different angles to make sure it's not an impulsive or wrong buy. Thank goodness mental energy is viewed as 'free', but I can't tell yet what I'm gonna do. <<>>

Thank you a lot for chiming in!

Lissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 12:44pm

Hi Lissa,

I am mostly a lurker here, but I just had to respond to your post. My youngest son was born with several health problems and at age 18 months he had a kidney transplant. Living with a chronically ill child was tough, and it was during that time that my DH and I ran up a good amount of our credit card debt. We were on auto-pilot--I could not budget and scrimp and save, I could only survive. . .and do my best to care for my two kids. Once he had the transplant, things started getting slowly easier. . .life slowly started to feel more normal. BUT for a long time after his transplant I suffered from some PTSD symptoms and would have mini panic attacks if we were driving "too far" from my comfort zone of being able to make it to OUR hospital if something went wrong (he had several problems post-transplant as well). If we only stayed home all the time, I would not have gotten better with my stress and anxiety of leaving home. Here is my humble opinion, you may take it or leave it. It is not a normal part of childhood to have to go to specialist dr appts far from home. I think you need to expand horizons and show your son he will be ok, he can go out someplace and he will be fine (if indeed you know he will be). Why not make it into a fun "vacation" to celebrate life, celebrate that you are all well and ABLE to do something fun together? You need to embrace life and ENJOY it, because as you know, things happen. Set a budget and bring cash, but just let go a little, enjoy your kids and have some fun. Come home, and get your nose right back on that grindstone. I wish you the best!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 1:34pm

Thank you for your kind reply. I hope everyone you love is well now physically and emotionally. I'm sorry for all you've been through but it's really nice to see that someone else can describe a situation and feelings similar, though drastically worse, to ours. I'm not so good at describing it (I've tried here and on other boards)and I usually end up describing myself as being in a 'funk' until about last January. My 'family' (parents and sisters) live in the same town as my children and I and though they were helpful during and right after the hospital stay especially with watching my then 4yr old (they're usually good during the actual crisis), they don't understand any of what we're still going through.

I usually try to chalk their seeming lack of caring up to the fact that my little sister has a 5yr old that she's known since pregnancy would probably not live, or if he did live would need surgery at birth and several temporary surgeries over the years and would need a heart transplant in early adolescence. She deals so much better with her situation than I do with ours or even than I did with how I felt for her and my nephew. I sometimes wonder if it's cause she's happily married and has that "real" support there for "her" and not just someone offering to help out for the kids' sake. Once the initial 'can we save him at birth' situation was over, she only seems stressed about it right before/after a procedure. Her nuclear family (she,husband and both boys)and our extended family been dealing with this since halfway through her pregnancy. She is outwardly able to be so positive and he's truly like every other 5 yr old for now (as he gets bigger he will get weaker and sicker...) that I feel stupid for my nuclear family being off kilter over our ordeal that only lasted a year.

She never let her organization, finances and day to day responsibilities go! She doesn't exhibit any PTSD-like symptoms nor do her children. But if my mom or someone casually tells either of my sons that 'Oh, your classmate/friend/cousin isn't here cause he's really sick with the flu.", you end up having to clarify that it's ONLY the flu because one or both of them gets a wide eyed scared look or flat out asks if the child's in the hospital. There's all sorts of examples like that and my mom hates it and makes fun of us in a not so nice way over anything we do that doesn't smack of business as usual. I haven't even told her about the doctor's appt. and I don't think I will. What's going on now may or may not be related to the medical trauma and repercussions from systemic sepsis. It could just as easily be something to do with his old issues with ADHD, sensory integration problems etc that were there and I tried to deal with before everything else happened.

Anyway...I'm digressing. Sorry. I just really meant to thank you.

Lissa

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 1:52pm

Lissa! I think you and I could be friends :) I rarely post on message boards, because one not-so-nice response to me and I have hurt feelings and self-doubt. It's better for me just to read. Even just reading and not posting much, this board is so motivational for me on my debt journey, and I am so grateful to the "regulars" who post often with support and advice.

And please, don't necessarily think that my story is "drastically worse" than your story. Everyone has a story, and everyone handles it differently. I don't mean any disrespect to any reader of my post, but unless you have had a chronically ill child you just can't know what it's like. We knew before my son was born that there was a real possibility he would need a kidney transplant. After he was born, and they did some testing, I cried and cried over the news that he was in kidney failure. My dad's response: I don't know why you're upset, you knew it could happen! It has been 4 years since my son's transplant, and yes, everyone is doing very well now. BUT I *still* find myself in and out of "funks" like you said. I like to think it's normal :)

It seems I've now taken this post off-topic, so I'll end with an open offer to email me sometime, if you feel like chatting about this stuff. :)

Hugs to you, you will make it and you will be just fine!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 2:33pm

I can be the bad guy at times, just to give you that little conscious to think about things.




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 2:41pm

Maybe this will help color my perspective as well, I did loose a child back in 2001 and went on my midlife spending thing




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