Any moms have advice for me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Any moms have advice for me?
10
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 10:20am
As I mentioned before, I have a nine month old baby that I am raising on my own. I have to work full-time, no choice there. I also have to get dressed for work in the morning, take care of the house when I get home, and make dinner. She refuses to be in her crib or playpen and cannot just go free because she crawls and gets into all kinds of trouble. If I try to put her in the playpen or crib while I shower or do something besides hold her or watch her crawl around, she absolutely screams for up to an hour or two. I am at my wits end and seriously trying to keep a lid on my temper. It is to the point that I have seriously considered giving her to someone, anyone. I know this doesn't seem debt related, but it is because I end up spending money for babysitters ($50 to $100 a pop) just to get some time to away. I really can't afford that anymore. I do have family that occasionally babysits for free, but I am so miserable with her at home, I really need some advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 10:40am

Oh, I am so sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 11:44am

It can be a challenge to get things done with a little one in the house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 11:54am

Would your baby like a bouncy chair?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 12:01pm
I haven't read the other responses, but I can definitely relate to your post. I have 3 children, all boys. My middle child was extremely difficult. He was so attached to me! He wouldn't go with anyone else and wouldn't let me do anything! He had to sleep with me and I had to carry him around everywhere and he was a huge baby. By about 8-9 months I was at my wits end. I have journal entries that show my frustrations. I didn't know what to do, he wouldn't sleep, he wouldn't go with my mom and I lived in a house under construction so I couldn't just let him roam around. There were a couple things he enjoyed that would allow me at least 30 minutes to work out or take a shower. He liked the little activity center I had for him. One of those things I could just put him in with a bunch of toys around him. I would put on the Baby Einstein videos. He really like those and they keep a babies attention surprisingly well. Some other ideas are: Let your daughter take a bath/shower with you. I used to shower with my son just so I could get clean. Yes, it's not ideal, but it's a shower. Also, get one of those baby backpack carriers (a second hand store will have them really cheap. I got mine for ten dollars) and you can cook and do whatever you want with her on your back. I know this is also not ideal, but some babies just need more attention than others. I know many mothers who resort to the baby backpack! This is a very rough time, especially doing this on your own with hardly any family to help you, but this stage will pass. Nothing lasts forever and soon she'll be off doing her own thing and leaving you alone. Why is babysitting so expensive? Could you find a friend that would do it for less money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 12:27pm

It's been 27 years ago, but I REMEMBER WELL!

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 4:59pm

One other thing that some of the other's hadn't mentioned, do you have any kids, preteens or teens in your neighborhood that could come over and watch your little one while you are at home? My DD's friend was a mother's helper last summer, she was 12, going on 13 at the time and the mother had twins and another child. ODD's friend would go over for a few hours every afternoon and help with the kids, watch them while the mom did chores, cooked dinner, etc. So the teen wasn't alone with the kids, but the mom could still get some stuff done around the house. It might be cheaper than regular babysitters and it would give you a connection for later when that teen is older for times when you need a date night, or girls' night out or something. Just a thought.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 5:07pm

I too am a single mom to a 14 month old. I do however get child support and the dad sees him twice a week.

In the beginning I also felt the frustration that you are feeling. Do you know if you have a MOPS group near you? I've heard that they are a good resource, and it seems to be for any age group.

What I've found that I need to do to keep sane and a fairly clean house, is to do at least 15-20 minutes of cleaning every night after the baby is asleep. I don't feel as overwhelmed when at least the dishes are put away and things are picked up. Also, my dinners are fairly low-key, try to stick to simple quick food. What kind of formula do you use? I have some Enfamil checks if you'd like them... please reach out to others if you are really feeling like you need a break.

Rachael
Rachael
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2006
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 7:09pm

Thank you everyone - I appreciate all of the great suggestions. I am sorry for the tone of the post - it was early morning after a hard night and I was feeling very low. I think part of my problem is that I have a hard time asking for help. I don't like feeling like I ask for favors of people or owe anyone anything so I have been paying family friends $10 an hour to sit with her. I do have friends with babies but they all seem overwhelmed as well so I don't want to burden them.

I have started cleaning the house for 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes at night to keep things manageable. I can usually keep her entertained that long - it is bedtimes, nighttime, and mornings while I get dressed that are most difficult. I did finally break down last week and my dad offered to sit her three times a week so that will give me some relief. I think with work, trying to keep up with all the household chores (DH used to deal with trash, garage, pets, and yard), plus the baby, it is just wearing me down. I've tried to keep looking forward, but I think I may still be depressed about DH and the awful last year that I've had. Anyways, thanks for the support and the suggestions. It is nice to know that I am not the only one with a challenging baby.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2007
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 7:49pm

Sorry you are going thru this. I have a 14 month old and it definately isn't easy. Everyone has given some good recommendations. Hopefully, this is a phase that your baby will grow out of. I also work full-time and my husband works full-time and leaves the house at 530am, so I am left to get both me and Emily out of the house every morning.
Basically, I shower before she wakes up in the morning. I try to do as much as I possibly can when she is asleep. Either at night or in the morning. When she was smaller (before she started walking) she would always want to be held. She hated her swing, bouncy seat, you name it! Do you have one of those bumbo chairs? Have you tried sitting her in her high chair while you are cooking and jsut give her some "appetizers"? If she won't sit in her highchair then I would just let her crawl around. Maybe section off a small area so it's big enough for her where she doesn't feel confined and small enough where she won't get into any trouble.
I wish you luck, and hang in there because it definately will get easier.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Wed, 08-05-2009 - 8:48pm
I suggest Baby Einstein videos for those times when you really need to take a shower or make dinner and she isn't happy with being put down. Those videos worked wonders with my youngest DS and my DD. They particularly loved the ones with animals and would talk to the TV or laugh at parts. I kept those videos just for those times and it saved my sanity many times.