Birthday Party Regret!
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Birthday Party Regret!
| Sun, 10-11-2009 - 6:37pm |
We planned this big birthday party for my 2 youngest sons who are born 1 day apart from each other. We talked about this with the in-laws and agreed that they would pay half. So I booked the party and the total is coming to around $400 dollars which is on par with all the other birthday party places. We did one of these before and the total came to $400. I tried to find the cheapest place that would accommodate the number of people that come to these shindigs. We have a Spanish family and they have big birthday parties. Not just kids, but adults come too. We usually have about 30-35 people. I put down a $100 dollar deposit and today I get the news that the in-laws are only putting in $100 dollars. What! If I would have known that, I wouldn't have done the birthday party at all! Crap! So next weekend I'm going to have to shell out $200 dollars. And I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed. Can't call it off now. I've already sent out the invites and gotten RSVP's. We usually have a big party at the grandparents house and they buy all the food and cook. We buy the decorations and the cake. I should have just left well enough alone. But goodness knows they probably spend more than $200 dollars on the food they buy when the party is at their house. I should have asked them specifically how much money they were willing to put into the party. All I can say is, Oh Well! You live and you learn and I'm not doing anymore big birthday parties! It's just too darn expensive! But I get pressure from the in-laws to do these big parties and I thought that this year we'd make it easier and have it somewhere else...Shoot! I feel broke now!

Hugs Abby.
I come from a big polish family and I also have little kids so I know the pressure people put on you to celebrate b-days. Even when we have my sons b-day at home in the summer it costs us about $200 with food, cake and drinks. My DD's b-day is tricker because its wintertime and our house can't accomadate all my and DH's big family inside.
Anyway, I hesitate to even type this part because I do NOT want you to think I am being insulting. So please take this with an open heart and genuine concern.
In a post a few weeks back you wrote you were struggling to get and stay current on your mortgage and you owed past due fees on your condo association. IMO even shelling out $100 for a party is too much to consider when the shelter you are trying to provide for your little boys is in jeopardy. Again, I'm sorry if I am out of line but we are here to support one another and that is what I want to do for you. If your IL's are only paying $100 out of a $400 party you are left paying $300 out of pocket. That is $300 much much better spent in other ways.
I know you weren't expecting them to bail on paying more of this party but in the first place I think you needed to say that the party isn't going to happen. I LOVE my big family but honestly - we have immediate grandparents and siblings over. That's IT. If I can't afford it - I can't afford it.
I write this with concern - please don't take it the wrong way!!!
You know...I wrote this big long email about all the why's and how's of this birthday party, but then I had to erase it because when it comes down to it, I know you're right. But at the same time, I just had so little time and so little control over how this all would pan out. I didn't even give myself time to think about the expense and where the money would come from, I just booked it 3 weeks ago and I did it with the expectation that the in-laws would be so excited about the party and they would just chip in the money that we talked about and we'd get this huge birthday party for $200 bucks and we'd be done. Viola! 2 kids down and happy.
BLAH! What a disappointment. And I'm disappointed in myself for not going about this in a different way. Maybe I could have just said. 'Listen, we can't afford to do a big party this year and DH doesn't get a weekend off until the middle of October when it's going to be cold. We can't do a big party and that's that!' But I let the whole tradition get ahold of me and I thought that I had to do this big party because it's what we always do!
But to put your mind at ease a little bit. Yes, we have been really struggling the past 4 months but things are pretty much back under control now. We've got the mortgage back on time, $1000 dollars in the bank and all the bills are on time. I should be able to swing this birthday party with just a tiny bit of heartache. There's not much I can do about it now except complain. And I complain to you guys because you're the only ones that listen. So I'm going to pay the money, enjoy myself and take lots of pictures because it's the last big birthday we'll do! I think the kids will really enjoy it. But boy did I learn a hard lesson.
Abbie,
Can you call everyone and tell them there's been a change in plans?
Norma
"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus
Glad to hear you got caught up on bills (especially the mortgage) and sorry for the misspelling of your name.
I know how things can spiral out of your control quickly. It's hard to say "can't afford it" to someone - especially family!!! Consider this a big lesson learned - we gotta learn to be strong with family and let them think of us as we may. I struggle with that too!
AHHHHH NORMA! You guys are really twisting my mind all around here! I just don't know if that can be accomplished in 4 days! I am checking on it, but the rental halls around here are kind of expensive. We just went to a wedding at a VFW hall and they payed $300 dollars to rent it! Plus, things might not be available on such short notice, especially since it's the middle of wedding season up here in foliage country!
I talked it over with my mom today and I kind of came to a peaceful place in my mind where I realized that $300 dollars for a party for 40 people where everyone will be fed and have drinks and cake and their kids will be entertained for 2 hours jumping around on these huge bouncy things, is not a bad price. Yes, I wish it could have only been $100 dollars or $0 dollars like I'm used to spending. And that's another thing. I haven't spent any money on a birthday party in years because the in-laws always throw the parties. Maybe I'm just used to getting away with extravagant birthday parties that I don't have to pay for. But this is a birthday party for 2 kids at a really nice place for 40 people.
And I do have the money. I maybe won't be able to save as much this week as I wanted to, but I can make it work and move on. I'm going to check in to your suggestions though, but also if I do change it, then I'm going to have to find people willing to cook for 40 people. Or I guess I could just order pizza. We'll see what I can do. I'm going to work on this. At least if I check in to it then I can tell myself that I tried everything in my power to help myself out! Also - I already put down the $100 dollar deposit on this place. I wonder how much they would keep! Yikes!
Yes! You are so right! And don't worry about misspelling my name. Abbie and Abby are one in the same really! It is so hard to have a family that expects certain things to happen (like big birthday parties) and to have to own up to the fact that you can't afford to follow those traditions. I wonder what would have happened if this year I just said 'We're not doing a big birthday party this year. We're going to have a small get together at home with a cake and presents'. Would they have just given in. This year we decided to skip the birthday party for my 11 year old. We gave him $100 dollars and told him he could buy whatever he wanted with it. The in-laws agreed to this and said that he was too old for a party anyway. Then they went and planned a party for him anyway! It's like they just can't survive without the big old party and the days worth of cooking and clean-up that comes with it.
But this fiasco has given me the strength to start analyzing these traditions. If I can't afford it, then I need to be honest with people, myself included and be up front about it. The same can be said for Christmas. We've had all these past traditions about how many gifts and how much to spend. You always feel like you have to spend equally with everyone else. What if they spend $50 dollars on you and you only get them a $15 dollar item. There's a discrepancy there that makes you feel horrible. But if $15 dollars is all you can do, then they are the one with the problem of spending $50 dollars that they don't have, on you.
Hugs to you. It will be something to think about for next year. Just start thinking about it earlier and it won't sneak up on you.
Since reading this post I have started to think about my kids and I think I will invite my mom and her husband and my sister and her clan and bf's parents for a combo birthday party in between my boys birthdays (Feb and March). I'll let them pick what we eat and make a cake etc. Maybe throw some snow balls around and play board games with hot chocolate?
I am also considering telling them gifts I want will be donations to their college funds. I don't know how that will go over but I should at the very least look into it. I know they won't appreciate it now but they get so much crap from their dad's side they just don't need anything! They do need help with an education.
Anyway. I will think about it. I love this board. I can think in type!
Sharon