Money breaks up Family
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| Mon, 10-12-2009 - 8:48am |
Just yesterday we learned about a family feud that's been going on in DH's family, between his father, his sister, her husband and her husband's sister, who lives with them. Soap Opera! It started awhile ago, we just never knew anything about it. A few months ago, during my husband's 30th birthday party, my BIL got his car repossessed. He tried to play it off at the party like it got stolen, but we learned later that the 'shady' car place he had gotten his car from had come to get it because he was late on a payment. He never got that car back and I always thought that was strange. It was the kind of place where you pay weekly for a year and then the car is yours. No credit check. So he was almost done paying for this car and then they took it and all that money he payed was wasted! They had a hard time getting a new car. They asked the in-laws if they would co-sign on a loan, but the in-laws said no, and knowing their history with cars, I would have said no too! They've had more than one car repossessed! They then found out that SIL had 'fair' credit, so they went out and got a brand new car. On a side note, BIL drives the new car and gives the crappy old car to his wife. BIL is not very well liked in our family. It turns out that FIL gave him $400 dollars to pay what he owed the shady car dealership but they never payed him back. FIL said he didn't really expect to get the money back. But recently, SIL came to him asking him for $700 dollars. My husband's parents didn't have $700 dollars to give them and said no. SIL was upset. Who knows what she needed the money for, but she later texted her dad and said "I got the money from somewhere else, thanks for helping me out!"
Now on to BIL's sisters story, which blows my mind. We'll call her Amy. Amy lives with BIL and SIL. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment which they rent for around $950 a month. They all have jobs, and make slightly more than me and my husband with our 3 kids. I guess Amy has been working 2 days a week lately and has also been blowing off new job interviews. She has a college degree, which SIL payed for, but she works as a grocery store checkout person. All 3 used to live in DH's parents basement and when they lived there, Amy collected food stamps. FIL signed the papers saying she payed him rent and that qualified her for food stamps. Recently, her food stamps were running out and she went to FIL and asked him to sign the paper again, even though she no longer lived with him. FIL said no. They got into a huge fight and this 22 year old Amy later texted FIL calling him a loser. They are still getting food stamps, so we are now wondering if they maybe forged his name. Who knows! But I guess all of this has caused a huge rift in the family and they no longer talk to FIL or go over the house when he is there.
So stupid! How can you let money ruin a family. BIL and SIL are notoriously bad with money. They have old debt that they have never payed and are constantly getting collection calls and people even coming to their door. Let me add though, that the collection calls and people at the door come to DH's parents house because that's the only address they have and they have been nice enough to not give these people a correct phone number or address.
I have borrowed money from my parents and my parents have helped me out many times along the way, but one time I called my dad and was in a bind and my dad told me that he just couldn't give it to me. I was upset and hurt, not with him, but because I was ashamed that I needed to ask him for money. I cried but I think that was the moment where I realized that I was responsible for myself. Why was I expecting my parents to have to bail me out of my own mistakes. That was a growing moment and I never mentioned it to my dad. In fact, I never asked him for money again! I could feel that it was really hard for my dad to tell me no. And I grew up in that moment and started paying off my debts myself. So I can look at this situation knowing what it's like to need money and to ask my parents and have them say no. It hurts, but it's the right thing for them to do.
I just can't believe that they are really letting the need for money break up a family. Horrible! And getting food stamps! Ridiculous!
Sorry if this was confusing! Too many aliases to keep straight!

Money is a funny thing.
Becky
CL of 4th, 5th & 6th grade Scoliosis
Yes, yes, yes.......money is funny. Such varying degrees...it can consume some people and others just don't care until it affects them in some negative way.
I loved your growing moment. I had one of those when I got divorced. I asked my dad for help with my lawyer fee and my mom too. My dad helped my mom didn't. Such is life. And truth be told if my business tanked tomorrow I would still need help. I don't know if they would help me or not. But I do know I am working on getting in a position when I NEVER have to ask again. I'm trying soooo hard. I will get there, but I will also need a few more years of nothing going wrong. Oh I hope that doesn't happen because I really need to prove to myself and my family(debatable?!) that I could do this life thing on my own!! I just need more time. Maybe by the time I am 40 I will be closer LOL!
I have this rule. Don't lend money to family unless you can make it without getting the money back. Don't ask for it to back because you likely are not going to get it. Forget about it and move on. Only way to do that as far as I am concerned.
Take it easy and concentrate on your happy family.
We also have an ugly money/family thing brewing. My FIL died about a month ago. MY MIL is in later stages of Alzheimer's disease. My husband was mostly in denial about how bad things were getting because we live out of state. He went there after his father's heart attack and found they were living in absolute filth and squalor. They barely ate and hadn't paid bills even though they had lots of money. He found the checkbook and was going to catch them up on utility bills when he discovered they had been giving his sister thousands upon thousands of dollars almost every month for the past seven years. The total is 150K. She lives in a house free and clear and draws a pension as well as social security for total disability. She is cearly (and I sometimes fear, dangerously) mentally ill with wild delusions and a vile, vicious temper that has been turned against anyone who gets in her way. My husband was sick that all of this had been done for years without any of the other kids knowing about it. If he hadn't stumbled up on it all of their money could have disappeared. Thank goodness he has stopped the bleed.
His father died soon afterward and now his mother is in an assisted living facility near us. It costs a lot every month and she is getting good dementia care. The best news is there is still probably enough savings and investments left to last her the rest of her life. He has taken over the finances with a power of attorney so he can make sure the money is reserved only for her care. But we know there is a huge storm to come when his sister figures out she won't be getting any more money. She is certain to ask her mother for money who can't even remember anyone's name or, worse, try to take her out of the facility. She is already threatening us with legal action and demanding a full accounting of every penny left in their parents accounts.
Who needs this kind of money drama? My husband is so upset that his blood pressure has gone through the roof and his doctor says he is now at risk for his own heart attack. Sheesh. Talk about the root of all evil. Jenny
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.