found out husband is hiding debt
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found out husband is hiding debt
| Tue, 10-13-2009 - 5:03pm |
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Edited 10/21/2009 5:20 pm ET by blueparrotgirl
Edited 10/21/2009 5:20 pm ET by blueparrotgirl
| Tue, 10-13-2009 - 5:03pm |
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blue,
Hugs to you. What is the interest on the c/c your husband is carrying a balance on? Will you be returning to work or are you staying home after you have your child? For now, since you will probably take at least a 12 week maternity leave I wouldn't delve into savings to pay off this debt (unless you KNOW you won't need savings or have 4x the amount owed on the card....)
As someone that hid debt from my husband I can tell you that it is a shameful process. Honestly, it will benefit you to sit down with DH and ask him why he couldn't share this with you. Re-open lines of communication that might have been struggling. I don't know your DH but I can tell you he is probably feeling immense guilt and shame. That does NOT excuse his behavior but if you ask him I wouldn't doubt he'd tell you that himself.
Just make sure you have money to cover your new baby expenses. I know $2,400 is a lot of money but it is a goal you can reach to pay off.
Congrats on your upcoming baby!
Thanks, I have no idea what the interest rate is. I asked him (via email) that we sit down tonight and go over the past few months since the balance has been acquired. I know he wasn't buying lavish items or anything, he just was living beyond his means and pretending everything was okay.
We have plenty of savings to cover the amount, that is part of why i'm so confused. he has access and i thought he could've come to me. i guess i will find out more tonight when we talk in person. thank you!
Finding out what he was buying and charging is a key to finding out what was going through his mind in the past few months. Again - NOT an excuse but a lot of men freak out around "due date" for baby and losing their "freedom" (not sure if this is your first baby or fourth....)
Perhaps him not having a c/c in his wallet at all is a decision you two can make. Does he have/use a debit card? I don't carry a c/c anymore. I could care less about that - not having it means not being tempted to buy something trivial I probably didn't need anyway.
Perhaps he needs to learn to live within your means more. If you have XXX dollars until payday and money is tight - he can't go to lunch with friends from work. Simple as that. Maybe he just needs some willpower and help w/that.
Let us know how your talk goes tonight. Even if its just a quick post to say it was good or bad. And try not to OVER stress right now. Baby doesn't need that. Take care of YOU during all this.
Money and relationships are so darned complicated...
Do you how his parents managed money and how your husband feels about money...
Be gentle with him...having kids is stressful for some men and they can act out in different ways...like spending extra money
My ex and I used to have weekly chats about money which really helped our relationship....
Affectionately,
Duke
Congratulations on your little one...Many blessings
I agree with several of the things other people have stated.
Norma
"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus
It sounds to me like the money between you and your husband is very separate. This can cause a lot of problems with dividing up expenses properly. Do you have a budget for the two of you? Does he feel deprived of spending money? Sometimes a category for spending money can solve problems like this. He may not think what he wants to spend money on you are going to agree with so he doesn't tell you. The spending category should be for whatever you want, no questions asked. He can save it for something he wants or spend it every month. I agree with previous posters. You have to find out why he is living above your(yours and and your husbands combined) means. Because throwing savings at this problem is not going to make better as it could likely happen again. Would it help to have him more involved with the finances doing things like paying bills etc so he can see where the money is going?
I understand some trust is gone, but it is better to find this out at 2,400 than 60,000. You need to fix this together and make a plan going forward so it doesn't happen again.
Good luck.
Edited 10/21/2009 5:20 pm ET by blueparrotgirl
I just read your posting.
I have been married for longer then most likely you have been on this earth. The best advice I can give you is
As someone who continues to hide debt, I have to tell you, it sounds like he's just trying to protect you from them stress of the finances.
First I would suggest trying hard not to be your husband's mother or disciplinarian.
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