Feeling Lonely Tonight

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Feeling Lonely Tonight
18
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 10:56pm

I have one, very small group of good girlfriends. I can count them on one hand. We rarely get together, rarely talk, rarely even email so sometimes it feels like I have a non-existant group of close girlfriends. I guess everyone's lives are busy. And my life has been busy for a lot longer than theirs. They all just started having their kids and I have an 11 year old. So back in the days when they would go out and have a good time, I had a little child to think about. Surprisingly, none of them are from highschool either. I have long since separated from my highschool friends. I don't know why because they were good friends. One that was practically like a sister, but the relationship has been severed. We are just too different now. My current friends are the wives of my husband's highschool friends and that always makes me wonder what would happen to them if anything ever happened to my husband and I.

Anyway, There's one thing that happened to me that I will always regret and I was reminded of it today. I spent one semester in college. I made these fantastic friends. The type of friends that you knew would just last a lifetime. I had just started getting to know them and then...I got pregnant. I left college and started 'real' life. Got a job, went to night school, had a baby, got married. So young! Today on Facebook, I saw a bunch of pictures of all of them getting together. They had a reunion and it just made me sad looking at them because I'm sure they've forgotten the girl that spent a few months with them and then caused a lot of drama and disappeared. But I will never forget about them. It always makes me sad to think about that time in my life. It was so hard. So hard! Letting all your dreams go, changing your dreams, I guess. And now I have 3 beautiful children and a husband that works so hard but I miss the girlfriends. I miss the relationships that I didn't have time to build. How do you build strong relationships as adults? Especially when everyone already has their own lives and no one has time for anything anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2008
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 11:28pm

awwww....really there is nothing I can write to make you feel better but I am sorry you are feeling the distance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 11:50pm

Hi Abbie...


Sorry you are feeling lonely...


It is really important that you take some time to reconnect with an old friend or make some new ones....


I find that as I get older ...it is harder to make good friends...


I have two good guy friends, three good girl friends and my sister...I try very hard to keep in touch with everybody and hang out....


It is so much easier as I dont have kids or spouse but please take some time for yourself ...


When you post on here you seem very likable and I bet are quite funny at times...


Join a book group, cooking group, gym, art class -something.....


Take care,


Duke


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 5:09am

Remember life is

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 6:31am

I'm so sorry you are feeling lonely. Others have said it much better than I can but I would encourage you to just reach out to that group of women that you used to be friends with. Maybe just send a little note on facebook saying hi and you would like to recconnect if they have the time. You never know unless you try. It does take some time and effort to maintain friendships. It seems to come easier for some people. I'm one of the ones that it does not come so easy for so I understand your feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 8:15am

Oh Abbie. I'm right there with you. I'm friends with none of my high school friends today. We are just too different and have a different set of values now.

As for college friends. I miss mine as well. We stay connected on Facebook but it's a surface things and what gave us a relationship back then is now gone.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 9:04am

Joining a group is probably a really good idea. I'll have to work on that. I get so tired of putting effort into trying to keep relationships close and then not having the effort reciprocated. For example, I'll send an email or call and the person won't write or call back. What is the point? That's what happened to my old highschool friend. I had called her so many times and left messages and she never called me back so I finally decided that I would wait for her phone call and it never came. She was my maid of honor at my wedding and she never even had a bridal shower for me! It started weighing me down, always trying to be the one that kept in contact. So I ended it.

Anyway - thanks for the advice about joining a group. I think that's a really good one. Now I just have to find a group that doesn't spend too much money! Maybe we should all start a Debt Support Group within our own neighborhoods!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 9:09am
facebook is a nice way to stay in the loop of your friends lives, but it just doesn't replace face to face contact. Everyone is just too busy nowadays to get together. And I live a half hour away from most of my good friends. They will do things on a Friday night, but by the time I drove to the babysitters, drove to them, drove back to the babysitters and drove back to my house, It would be too time-consuming and I'd have no gas left! If they let me know in advance that they are doing something, I can plan a way to be there, but I can never do the 'spur of the moment things'. I need to find a way to have friends here in my own town. I think I'm going to explore some friends in my church. There's a few ladies that have kids around the same age as mine and even though they are older than me, I'm sure we have lots in common.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 9:17am

Hey Abbie,


I think we all have this problem at one time or another. The world has changed so fast that I think those who stay in one place and stay close to childhood friends are in the minority.


I know myself, I have made close friends across the country (living in different places for school, work etc). Every year however, my girlfriends and I have a "girls networking week". We all get together in a different place and spend the weekend reconnecting. Its so much fun. We've done it four years in a row and I've had the same core group of four at every weekend, plus we each bring new friends that we've made so we get to expand our network of friends. In August there were 8 of us.


In terms of meeting new friends, join groups. I made some good friends playing flag football for a few years (and then dodgeball after that). It was great. I've made friends through bookclubs and through friends of friends. It does take some work, but its important that you have some of your own friends apart from your husband.


Good luck!


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 9:19am

As far as friends go, I can only say I have ONE.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Thu, 10-15-2009 - 9:52am

Hi Abby,


Sorry to hear you are lonely.

Kate


empty purse

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