OT-What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
OT-What would you do?
9
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 7:19pm

One of the women I date (not my main gal pal that I mentioned before)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2008
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 7:37pm

Honestly, I would decline these family gatherings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 9:45pm

I agree with mckeekitty (I usually do.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-1999
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 2:29am

Hi, Duke,


I hear you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 8:04am

I am older then most on the board these days. So I see things totally different


One if you have been going to these people house with their daughter for a while then of course they want to know if you all are going to get serious I would if my son had been bring around the same person for a long period of time. Parents want to know these things.


When I was able to do the cooking I hated when people were in the kitchen with me while I was fixing a meal. For one thing I like small kitchens where I can reach everything fast and having someone in the way or standing in the middle of my kitchen upsets me. I used to kick my mother out of the kitchen when I cooked. If you are guest then it is your place to stay out of the kitchen. In the old days washing the dishes or clearing the table was fine and it was done by the women. But men stayed in the living room they never came into the kitchen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-1999
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 8:36am

Well, my easy answer is, if I were that uncomfortable...I wouldn't go. This family is not going to change; that's how they are, and how they have probably been for generations. You can try to grin and bear it, but in the end is it worth it?

But I guess for me the real question is, does your gal pal know that you aren't "husband material" for her? I mean, from your post it sounds like she is aware that you are not an exclusive couple...but I wonder why she hasn't told her family. Or why, for that matter, she doesn't have any other boyfriends to bring to family events. Why you? Could she be saying that she's okay that it's not an exclusive relationship, but on some level is hoping that someday that will change? It just seems weird to me that her family thinks you are a solid couple, but she is clearly not your #1. Know what I mean? Thinking back, I'm sure I've been guilty of accepting the "non-exclusivity clause" only because I really liked a guy and hoped he'd eventually come around. :)

Have you told your girlfriend how uncomfortable you are? If not, then you should. And it may also be time to have a heart to heart about where you each think the relationship is going; if she wants more than what you are able to give, then it's probably a good idea to find out now.

I could be over-reaching...and please know I mean no offense. I hope this helps!










Photobucket









Photobucket















iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 9:12am

This is my two cents worth, feel free to take it or leave it!

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 9:26am

I would say just don't go. Its not fair to you to have to deal with the family, and its not fair to the family to think that you are something you are not (i.e. exclusive with their daughter)


Like PPs I also question why this woman has lead her family to believe that you two are exclusive, especially when she isn't even your "main gal pal"?


Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2006
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 9:39am
This sounds to me like many of my family gatherings! Sometimes by the end of the day I'm just exhausted from trying to 'grin and bear it'. My FIL makes off color jokes that drive me insane. My in-laws also do a lot of things with my kids that drive me crazy. My BIL and SIL are strange and don't really like hanging out with us anyway. It's just a big mess sometimes, but I'm married and I have to take it. It is really hard to deal with people that are so different from you. You have nothing to talk about therefor you can't really have a true connection with these people, you're just there to make your friend feel more comfortable around her family because they pressure her to get a serious boyfriend. I would say to just go with her and try not to let any of this bother you. In the end, nothing that they say or do has any affect on your life anyway. Let them think what they will. And when you actually do find a girl that you want to marry, make sure that you can stand her family because if not, you'll spend the rest of your days going to family gatherings where all you want to do is run screaming in the other direction!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Fri, 10-30-2009 - 12:33am

Wow what a diverse variety of opinions...


I think what I will do now is simply go less often ...only to the ones my date would like me to attend at the most...


In terms of her not telling her family our status it is because she is a divorcee and is enjoying a loving fun casual relationship (just like me) but her family would give her a very hard time...


I am really enjoying the freedom of dating these past three years and wish I had done it sooner...I was always involved in serial monogamy and finally realized it is not for me and there are many others who feel the same way....


I will settle down again but I want to be free for another two or three years and my girlfriends know and also want this kind of relationship as well...


Anyways I better stick to just talking about money...


Peace out and thanks


Duke