Am I being too harsh?
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Am I being too harsh?
| Mon, 11-09-2009 - 9:05pm |
This is the situation...
I have a cuz and I love her to bits...She is five years my senior and was awesome to me all through childhood and beyond...
She has had a very rough life through no fault of her own and always does the best that she can...
Over the past fifteen years I have gifted to her


Hi, Duke,
I am dealing with a similar situation.
I agree with littlebigs : you're not being harsh, you're being real.
It's terrible that her part-time job pays more than disability.
Kate
Nope, I would say not too harsh at all. I was in the same boat with my Mom, constantly bailing her out. Well as soon as I stopped doing it, she pulled herself together and is now doing better then she ever has. I wish I had done this years ago!!
You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else and as you mentioned, you are not abandoning her. Good for you for helping so much in the past!
Bex -
"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."
Bex -
No Duke, your are not being to harsh.
Norma
"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus
We have had to do this as well, we had/have family members that seem to think we have a lot more disposable income because we don't have small children anymore and they would borrow money from us and take forever to pay it back.
So we have decided that we are no longer lending any substantial amounts of money to anyone (family or friends) even if we are their last resort. Because like you any money we lend was usually put on a credit card, and guess who gets to pay the interest?? We would never refuse if it was something that had to do with the health of one of the children, but anything else is no go.
Sharon
The harsh reality of this world is that we all have to look out for ourselves and for our immediate family. Most everyone in this world struggles at one point or another with money. I think the hardest lesson you will ever learn in life is that you can't rely on anyone else to take care of you. I used to ask my parents for big chunks of money for the mortgage or other debts I was having trouble with. They were my last resort, but I had to grow up and realize that I was responsible for myself. My parents need to look after themselves, not me! I think it was the greatest lesson I ever learned. My mom still gives me small amounts of money for groceries and takes me and the kids to lunch occasionally, but you are right, the large amounts of money being gifted to her has to stop. Especially since you are struggling yourself. You have become her crutch. She always knows that if worse comes to worse, she can rely on you to bail her out and that is never a good place to be for anyone. I'm sure she understands that you are in a hard place financially as well and being able to give her a place to stay if she needs it or taking her out, even $20 dollars her and there is way more than enough.
Good luck...I know how hard it is to come to this decision.
Thank you all for your kind responses...
I am glad I made this decision and I think it was important that I give her this last amount so that she has time to make alternate arrangements...
She know I would never see her on the street and my home is open to her should she need it but that I cannot dole out hundreds and hundreds of dollars (on credit) for her.
Its just that I care about her a lot and I know she tries her darndest...its not like shes using it for booze or gambling or fancy clothes.
I will include her in as many of my activities as I can and still be there for her but in a smaller way.
Again, Thank you all
Duke