Advice for dealing with dh

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Advice for dealing with dh
7
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:36pm
OK, so we've been doing this budgeting thing since September and we now have our mortgage on track (we were never 30 days late, just paid it on the 30th of every month for the previous month), all of our credit cards are current (except one we are still working on) and one credit card is halfway paid off and we are not using credit cards AT ALL.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-1999
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 1:19pm

This may sound a little corny but... I find that when faced with that sort of thing I say it is ok to get X if we can find a way to do so outside the budget.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 4:39pm

Thats a good way to look at it! I do have a couple of things I could sell to come up with that money. I was planning to have a yard sale this coming up weekend but turns out we are trying for another child and I want to hold onto all the baby stuff (and thats about all that was gonna be in the yardsale). Maybe I will put a couple of things on Craigslist.


Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2008
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 6:56pm

It sounds like you are more the one to look at the spreadsheets and see the actual progress you are making.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 12:29am

Ugh - my husband is the KING of wanting to spend $300 on a new tattoo or a workout bench or something else....


My solution? I tell him to start putting $20 aside. Instead of eating out at work for breakfast and lunch

Avatar for endomagazine
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 4:32am

Hello,


I would have you and your DH focus on filling your $1000 emergency fund before starting to save up for any other "extra" expenses. There's nothing wrong with having some "blow" money in your budget, but keep that blow money amount pretty low ($20 for each of you per month, for example) until you've made some progress on paying down debt.


There's nothing wrong with trying to find room in the budget for *needs*, but for *wants*, that's another matter. Those purchases should be set aside for X-mas, birthdays, etc. and budgeted for appropriately. If your DH wants to buy something "extra" that is just a want rather than a need, then give him some blow money from the budget and let him choose where to spend it. He can save it for the $300 "whatever" purchase over time, or he can spend it weekly on something small. But this way, he has control over some spending money that doesn't require any permission from you to spend.

Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke


Geeks on Tap: Mission Accomplished

Sincerely,
Lindsey Schocke

Geeks on Tap: Mission Accomplished

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 8:26am

I would just tell him that he can't use cash to pay for X now if he hasn't paid for y and z that went on the credit cards.

You have to pay for the stuff you already got first. Even if it's just dental work or a car repair. It's still stuff that you got and it needs to be paid for.

BTW.. That extra money he is seeing needs to be ear marked for a snowball. It's not free money that is available for spending. It needs to be put into a category.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 3:33pm

Hi,

The problem with the $300 item is not that particular item itself. It is the other 12 $300 items he will want in the future and he will want them before you can figure out how to pay for first $300 item. Trust me on this one.

If you are planning for another child that is fantastic. Have you planned for the loss of your income or at least a decrease in it? Have you done a budget with a baby and without. Perhaps get DH on board with this and he will really see how that extra $300 will pay for diapers and formula when you are not working.

He has to change his spending behavior or make extra money. Those are the only solutions to this problem. I vote for making extra money because a spending pattern like that is almost impossible to break. He doesn't like to do without things and there will always be another thing that he wants but says he needs. I don't mean to sound harsh here that is just the way it is. Put more spending money aside perhaps and less savings until the debt can be reduced. It is really too bad couples have to have this continuous struggle but it seems more often than not that is case. One person is a saver and debt repayment person and the other well....isn't. You do what is best and works for your family.

I will say this though. If he gets more spending money make sure you get some too or you will find yourself feeling resentful.

Good luck