Living within my means sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Living within my means sucks
22
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 7:40am

I know that I'm supposed to spend less than I make.

Kate


empty purse

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Avatar for colomom99
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 8:35am

All the flippin' time I feel that way!

Thank you for posting and hugs to you and your daughter. My oldest son was born with pneumonia 14 years ago and has had chronic coughing and resp. ailments all of his life so I can truly sympathize. Don't beat yourself up for worrying about money while she's sick. That's just reality.

For us, on the outside we look like we're doing fine but in fact we are buried in bills/debt and digging out with a spoon. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and think: how did we get here at this point in our lives? And the more frustrating thought: Is this it? I miss traveling so much and both my husband and I need new (at least different) cars but not only can we not afford them I don't think we would even qualify for a loan anymore. Ditto a cheaper house. We haven't been turned down for credit since our 20s and now it happens all the time.

I don't know how old you are but I think things can and do turn around. I am hopeful the economy will improve and there will be more jobs out there and with more jobs there will be more options for people. I agree the worst feeling in the world is to feel trapped.

Jenny

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:07am

Kate I'm so sorry about your daughter. I hope she feels better soon!


As for worrying about the money, its human nature. Its okay to worry about these things, even if your daughter IS sick. Things will get better. They already have! You have paid off a monster amount of debt (go Kate go!) and are living DEBT FREE!!! Thats more then most in this world can say. You are obviously a great mother (your daughter is lucky to have you!) and you are a hard worker.


Eventually your daughter will move out and you won't have to support her anymore. Once that happens it will free up a lot of money for you to do these things.


(((HUGS))). I hope you feel better soon!


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:32am

Thanks for sharing, Jenny.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 9:41am

Thanks Bex.

Kate


empty purse

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:15am

Kate, if she is sick and can't make the interview, they'll hold it for her (she may need a doctors note, but that shouldn't be a problem). When I was interviewing for a job with PHAC, I had to leave town due to a family emergency. When I called them and told them I was dropping out of the competition and they found out why, they told me no problem, we'll reschedule for two weeks from now.


The other good news is that HC is changing the way it does its hiring. Everyone now uses one pool so if she gets into the pool, all departments use it (lots of opportunity to get a position). But yes, I do know what you mean about "winning a lottery". Its so hit or miss!!!


Bex -


"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift -thats why its called the present."


Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:40am

We're making it OK, but I do have my moments too.

Norma


"Patience is the best remedy for every trouble"- Plautus


Avatar for sohappilyme
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 12:17pm

(((Kate & Kate's DD)))

I know how it is to bang my head against the wall, literally and figuratively, LOL. When years of frugality doesn't seem to pay off, just look at the flipside: if you'd spend those years racking up CC charges, you'd REALLY be in a mess!

I think car dealerships are a bit more lenient than those online calculators. There's a big, unfortunate difference between what you can AFFORD (most online calculators) and what they will APPROVE (dealership). A lot of people get in trouble with "they approved me so we must be able to afford it!" I think they've tightened up a little bit, but it's still pretty darn easy to qualify for financing around these parts.

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FLINGING DEBT:
Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 3:27pm

Kate,

I hope your daughter feels better soon.

She will eventually get a job and take care of herself. I know this is hard right now but it could be so much worse. You could be out of shampoo again right? Or have another batch of chili in the crock pot right now?

I think you should make an appointment with your bank to see what you can afford for a house or a car. You said you applied 8 years ago to see what you would qualify for? A lot has changed and you are CC debt free now. Go and see, I dare you! I make less money, have less in savings than you do and would be able to get a car no problem. Going to check on this might lift your spirits.(leave out your daughters student loan payments you are making)

I am in a fairly bad mood myself today. Jan 19th is when my hell begins and my store credit line will be out of control for the rest of the winter(even with my limit raise!!). Sometimes I wonder about what I am doing and all the stress it causes. I don't even know if I am doing the right things or not. I don't know if I should even be a business owner I feel like such a failure every winter. I hate the thought of going over on my credit line and using my personal money to rescue myself. I am having a very bad day with things. Thoughts of "is this worth it?, and I should sell!" are in my mind today.

And do you know what else bothers me today. Everyone else knows what their debt is and I am not even done acquiring debt yet LOL! I want a house so bad I can taste it. And I know I will want to decorate it! It all seems very far away at the moment.

I have a birthday next month and this never seems to get any easier.

That is awesome you can park!! You go girl! Its ok to dream!


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 4:03pm


Hugs.

Sometimes we need to wallow in our own crabby feeling about our lives and then the next day we wake up feeling recharged and better.

You deserve your feelings of sadness, anger, frustration and upset. Allow them to take over for one night and then be ready to move forward!! You have come SO far, and you have the ability to go so much farther! And you will.

Your DD is so lucky to have such a great mother who cares and loves her so much. She is truly blessed.

And you are blessed to have the apartment you do, the food you eat and the bus system to get you where you need to go.

We all long for more (and you deserve it!) but sometimes it all overwhelms us.

Hope your DD feels better shortly and let us know how the interview goes for her!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 6:04pm
I feel for you, everything sucks right now , My DD is home after college with he B.S. degree too . the degree is not exactly a golden ticket these days . She had some good news on the job front today so maybe this good karma will come your way, on A side note I know you said she has big loans to pay , we are going through that as well I don't know if you have looked into this or if it is the same where you live but here we can apply for a deferment or forbearance of the loans during times of joblessness or financial hardship. interest still acrues but if that would free up some money to buy health ins. maybe it would be worth it . We have no insurance right now and am still trying to figure out where to dig up some money for that . These are the kinds of set backs that could really do you in. Thankfully she did not have to be hospitalized for this illness. hope she gets well soon. PS, yes this is it :) now that I have accepted it I have lowered my expectations , This way if anything even remotely good happens it will seem huge, Like a dream come true. Anyway that's how I roll now. PSS I was going to recommend you make chicken soup, then remembered your chili incident. Maybe there is nice takeout near by? Just kidding.


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